consume Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I'm not sure how to approach things with this waitress I met, and I'm looking for some outside views. I was at a bar/restaurant with a friend on Friday night, definitely not a hooters type bar, but still the girls wear short skirts with quotes on the shirts. Our waitress was extremely gorgeous, so both my friend and I were stopping her all the time to chat. At the end of the night, she hands us our receipt with heart and a "Have a great weekend." She then asks if there's anything else she could get for us, and my buddy asks for her number. She comes back a few minutes later with the receipt and her cell number written on it. So before we leave I find her again, and ask what bar she's working at the next night as she works at 3 different places. Fast forward to Saturday night now, we head down the this other bar, and sure enough she's working. I didn't really get a chance to talk to her at all, since it was her 2nd day and I guess the boss was around. Around 9ish, I didn't see her in the bar anymore so I sent her a small txt, telling her "didn't get to say bye, but hope you have an awesome night". No response but then I wasn't expecting one. I really want to pursue things further but not sure how to approach things. A few other tid bits, she's about 20-21 and I'm 28. She's in University, and working the 3 jobs I guess just a summer thing. Should I pursue this or leave it alone? With 3 jobs and quiet the party life from what she briefly told me, plus the 7-8yr age gab, do I have any chance? Since she works 3 different bars, and all of them are 30km apart in a triangle, meeting up with her would be difficult. Plus, I don't want to come across as a stalker by asking her where she works each night lol, bad idea. So any advice welcome, thanks for reading
lora22 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 At the end of the night, she hands us our receipt with heart and a "Have a great weekend." This doesn't mean anything; she was just trying to get a bigger tip, and she writes that or a variation of that on every single "guest's" receipt. (I waitressed and bartended throughout college also, so I'm telling you from experience). So not sure if you were reading into that or not, but if you were, now you know. She's a little young (meaning somewhat inexperienced)- is she totally new to waitressing? If so, she might not be interested, and just doesn't know how to deal with customers who hit on her/ask for her number/etc. Keep in mind - she's working for tips. Other than that...it's hard to say if you have a chance or not...I mean, as Wayne Gretzky says, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take...and I just don't feel that there's enough info at this point to go off of. Age doesn't make a difference - I was just dating someone with a similar age gap (him 32, me 25), and I have plenty of girl friends my age and younger who prefer to date guys older; the reverse is also often true. Depends on the specific people involved.
Datura Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 do I have any chance? At what? A one night stand? A relationship? From the details you've given, even if she were the relationship type, can you deal with men hitting on her, and her being flirtatious to bring in extra cash? You do realize she probably has men flocking to her all the time, right? Chances are you don't stand out to her.
Author consume Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 Thanks for the reply. Yeh, I know she wrote that note in line for a bigger tip, though I was kinda suprised when she gave up her number. I don't think she's new at waitressing since she said this wasn't her first year there. I want to talk to her more but since she works at 3 different bars (all 30km apart in a triangle), and I don't know her schedule, how can I go about meeting up with her again without coming across as a stalker? I could take a chance and head down to the bar she was working at last Friday, but if she's not there, I don't want to start bugging co-workingers and what not... plus... since she never returned my txt... I feel awkward about calling her, until I at least meet up with her once more. Any ideas?
lora22 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Chances are you don't stand out to her. True, but you never know. I know a guy who hit on this bartender, and she ended up moving in with him and they dated for like a year or something. Of course...she was using him because she was in massive amts of debt and her only source of income was bartending...but that's another story.
loveslife Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 If you're interested, call her. That's what men used to do before texting.
lora22 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Thanks for the reply. Yeh, I know she wrote that note in line for a bigger tip, though I was kinda suprised when she gave up her number. I don't think she's new at waitressing since she said this wasn't her first year there. I want to talk to her more but since she works at 3 different bars (all 30km apart in a triangle), and I don't know her schedule, how can I go about meeting up with her again without coming across as a stalker? I could take a chance and head down to the bar she was working at last Friday, but if she's not there, I don't want to start bugging co-workingers and what not... plus... since she never returned my txt... I feel awkward about calling her, until I at least meet up with her once more. Any ideas? Personally, if I were her, I wouldn't have texted you back either...she was at work, where she needs to be social to make money, not checking her cell phone. Plus her boss was there, and she was new at that bar - not really ideal for texting. Also, not sure where you are, but depending on location, she probably didn't get off work until sometime between 2am and 6am. If you want to talk to her more I think your best bet is to pick one of the bars and become a regular. Don't ask her coworkers if she's working that night, or if they know when she's next on the schedule; do stand out with the other staff by being a good tipper. By becoming a regular, you're not being creepy stalker guy, and you're not bugging the crap out of her by texting her all the time when she's working and may or may not be interested. Also, you need to remember that she's at work to work and make money - not talk to you, although that is part of her job to a certain extent. If you call her at this point, I would be surprised if it resulted in a date. Not to be harsh, but as Datura stated, you probably didn't stand out.
Author consume Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 Having given us her number that night, and letting me know where she would be working the next night, I thought foolishly maybe, that she was somewhat interested... but the next night when she took off without saying anything, or replying to my txt, now I'm not so sure it's a good idea to call her yet... yes/no? I'm thinking maybe I should try and run into her once more, though problem is running around the different bars she works at.
lora22 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Also: both as a former bartender and former Coors Light girl, it was annoying when guys came to the bar I was working at expecting to "hang out" with me (or the other girls) the whole time - we wouldn't go to your office and do that! But, it was really cool when a cool and interested and fun, social guy would come to the bar and chill with a bunch of his friends that be brought along - say hi, then hang with his friends and just have a good time.
Author consume Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 If you want to talk to her more I think your best bet is to pick one of the bars and become a regular. Don't ask her coworkers if she's working that night, or if they know when she's next on the schedule; do stand out with the other staff by being a good tipper. So you wouldn't suggest visiting the other two bars then at all? I did ask her if she was working this Friday to which she said she wasn't sure, as her manager tosses her random shifts... which sucks. Also, you said you liked it when a guy hung out with friends just having a good time, but then since I have her number and if I'm doing that, at what point do you call?
lora22 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I'm not saying don't go to the other places at all...I'm just saying that if you don't want to look like a creepy stalker, you definitely shouldn't ask coworkers about her work schedule, and you probably shouldn't constantly bar hop b/t those three looking for her. Implicit in this is that you would have to put a little time into figuring out if she's interested or not. On the other hand, if you just wanna bang her out and that's it...all you need to do is find her at one of those places and massively step up your game to make a really amazing impression on her.
Author consume Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 On the other hand, if you just wanna bang her out and that's it...all you need to do is find her at one of those places and massively step up your game to make a really amazing impression on her. Do explain more Seriously though I'm not really interested in a full out relationship, I just got out of a 3yr one this past winter, so more or less yes I'm not looking for anything serious. But by stepping up the game, can you elaborate? Thanks for the replies.
lora22 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Also, you said you liked it when a guy hung out with friends just having a good time, but then since I have her number and if I'm doing that, at what point do you call? As a Coors Light girl this was easier, because we never closed the bar, so after a shift we could hang out and drink and whatever. As a bartender she probably won't have that opportunity; however, it gives you the chance to wow her with your insightful, witty comments or whatever when you order drinks from her (or however this works in your scenario - obv depends on how busy the bar is). This will help establish you as someone she knows, remembers, and may potentially be interested in. Once you think you've established that, try calling her.
Author consume Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 Do explain more Seriously though I'm not really interested in a full out relationship, I just got out of a 3yr one this past winter, so more or less yes I'm not looking for anything serious. But by stepping up the game, can you elaborate? Thanks for the replies. I look young for my age, most people are shocked when I tell them I'm 28 as they would guess 18 lol, seriously, but do you think once she find out my age it'll be of issue?
lora22 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 But by stepping up the game, can you elaborate? Thanks for the replies. One of the most important things you have to do is demonstrate value. Right now you're (probably) just some guy in a bar that asked for her number, and you're one of many. One way you can demonstrate value is by having a bunch of friends that you're having fun with...
lora22 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I look young for my age, most people are shocked when I tell them I'm 28 as they would guess 18 lol, seriously, but do you think once she find out my age it'll be of issue? Look at my earlier post, I don't think age is an issue, unless you're creepy about hitting on her...
Author consume Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 Definitely not creepy lol. I've got no problem making conversation, or starting the conversation... after all like you said, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take right? From your experience have you had this happen? and how persistent were some guys? I'm guessing this could take a long while to establish a repor with her? Not that I expect to see her once more and bang it up, but... I more or less mean, weeks? months? or maybe just a few visits?
lora22 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 From your experience have you had this happen? and how persistent were some guys? I'm guessing this could take a long while to establish a repor with her? Not that I expect to see her once more and bang it up, but... I more or less mean, weeks? months? or maybe just a few visits? I personally have never hooked up with or dated a guy I met in a bar; that's just one of my dating standards though. As a Coors Light Girl, I can't think of one time a girl hooked up with or dated a guy that hit on her at the bar...and to be honest, that's probably because eventually you just get incredibly disgusted by it. How long it takes to establish a rapport depends on you and how good you are at it, and her level of interest. You could do it in one night, or it might take you longer (and if it takes you longer it's probably going more in a dating/relationship direction, not a casual fling direction).
Author consume Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 Cool, so I guess maybe I'll just show up at the same place this weekend with friends, hopefully she's there, if not... well that would kind of suck but I'm not about to hit all three places she works at, that'll get me in with her fast... or not lol.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I think it's a little odd that she gave your buddy her number (he's the one that asked for it, after all) and yet you're the one pursuing her. So either she thought your buddy was going to be the one pursuing her, or she's not into the tag-team approach from you two (as in - she's not into DP).
Sam Spade Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Here's a free piece of gold for you: Keep showing up, become familiar, then drop this one: "I only eat here because you're super cute" (said in an unimpressed, and slightly grumpy voice; not all personality types can pull this off). Then, ask her out. Or, hang out around closing time, and then casually mention that you were about to go grab a quick bite, and so "are you hungry?".
Author consume Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 I think it's a little odd that she gave your buddy her number (he's the one that asked for it, after all) and yet you're the one pursuing her. So either she thought your buddy was going to be the one pursuing her, or she's not into the tag-team approach from you two (as in - she's not into DP). :laugh:
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