i think i've had enough...

[Carlyy17]

I'm going to try to explain this as best as possible without taking forever. For those of you who take the time to read it, thank you. I'm really having a hard time dealing with this...and I just need to vent and get some opinions... Thank you for anyone who takes the time to read this I really appreciate it!

 

I'm 21 years old. I have been friends with the same group of girls for quite awhile...probably since I was 15. There have been many times in high school, where I would have to drive them around drunk. When I look back to high school, I feel like I was completely walked all over. I worked a couple days a week. The days I didn't work I drove them around. So basically I worked for gas money. When they did get their licenses...I still seemed to be the DD. I would get is trouble for being late because they would not get into the car. They would all be having fun, and I remember feeling like just crying. My 17th birthday, I stayed out all night because my friends were drunk, I had to drive, they didn't have licenses, and they would not leave. I remember asking my one friend if we would please leave and she said... "I never have fun and I want to hook up with him." I just remember thinking how selfish, immature, and ignorant it was. Looking back to those days, I don't know why I am still friends with them. I guess I just didn't have any other friends...I don't really know.

 

Anyway, senior year I was so excited to graduate and get on with my own life, go to college, and make my own, new friends. Well, my one friend, we will call her Sam, asked to room with me in college. Just so you know, in my opinion, she has problems when it comes to alcohol. But when she is sober, she is probably one of the sweetest girls. I didn't really know what to say. She claimed she wanted to go away to school but didn't want to live on her own. Out of my group of friends, I was the only one going away to live at school. I said yes, much to my regret today.

 

The day we moved in I felt sick to my stomach. I knew I had made a horrible mistake. Sam was depressed to move away, felt so insecure, and definitely put a damper on my excitement to be out on my own. We had a third roommate; however, Sam instantly took a disliking to her. So I felt like there was no way I could hang out with her now. Consequently, a girl we both went to high school with had a room right across the hall, which made me feel a little better...at least I could retreat to her room. However, she made friends quickly, and I felt like the babysitter to Sam. She was depressed, homesick, and complained constantly. We went out a great deal that first semester I was there with other girls on our floor. I felt like I couldn't make friends because she was holding me back from going out on my own. Going out with her was HORRIBLE. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed partying there. But she enjoyed it a little too much. Every weekend she would black out, go home with other guys, or try to. I was her designated babysitter and I felt like I was never going to escape the horrible experiences in high school. She has a true alcohol problem. One night she woke up and FORGOT she even went out the night before. It just is not normal to me...

 

Anyway, I told her I was changing my major to something the college did not offer, which was a partially true statement. I transferred out at the end of the fall semester. I was truly depressed because I knew I would have loved going to that college if it weren't for her. I felt like she ruined it for me. But I knew it is my fault for allowing people to walk all over me. I feel like I need to make every decision based on what others want from me. I am beginning to realize, just recently, how much of a negative trait that is. It makes me miserable and depressed. I don't like to let anyone down and in the process I ruin my own self-esteem, making me just depressed.

 

She transferred home the following year, and attended the same school as me. (a community college) I am 21 and still friends with Sam and 2 other girls I went to high school with. Honestly, they are pretty much my only friends. I am currently in a relationship, with a very nice guy who makes me very happy; however, I feel like they are always putting him down and me down for being in a relationship at a "time of my life when i should be experiencing other things." I agree to a certain point. College years should be spent having fun with friends, going out, and experiencing a memorable "college life." But, I do not enjoy going out with friends who fight, cause scenes in public, and get entirely too drunk. My boyfriend makes me happy and I am not planning on ending it to "experience other things."

 

Anyway, I am writing thing because of something that happened this past weekend. I went to Canada with Sam, and the 2 other girls. (I know after everything I said, it sounds weird of me to agree to it, but again, I tend to do things simply so people don't get mad at me.) The first night in Canada, we lost Sam. She went off with 2 guys who we were talking to at the bar. My two other friends, we will call Jess and Liz, and myself, got very veryyyy scared. She didn't tell us she was leaving, she wasn't answering her phone, she was nowhere in sight. With her past of drinking issues, we were petrified! (She has a past record of going off with guys, blacking out consistently, and sleeping with guys....much to her regret the next morning...I would feel bad for her for the mistakes if they were not repeated AT LEAST 30 times.) We were talking to cops, the waitress, people we were sitting around...but no one saw her. Jess and Liz start arguing. They were both crying and I was trying to calm them down but they were only yelling at me. People walking by were yelling at them to start crying. Jess screams at them to shut up. Then Liz screams at them and Jess yells at her to shut up. Eventually we see Sam on the porch of the bar with the 2 guys. We were all glad she was ok. She apoligized but I don't think she really realized what she had just done. It's not cool to leave your friends in another country....

 

We were trying to walk back to the hotel, when Jess sees Liz smile and then they start yelling about how annoying each other are..which eventually leads to screaming match about ex-boyfriends, anything they hate about each other...and then to a fist fight on the corner of teh street. The guys we met, who were attempting to walk us back to our hotel, pulled them apart from each other. So I am in Montreal...one friend is sitting on steps saying she refuses to go to teh room and is going to sleep on the steps, the other friend walked off in anger, and my other friend, Sam, is making out with one of the boys acorss the street. EVENTUALLY, after much convincing, we all were in the room.

 

Next day, Jess and Sam and Liz and myself went in separate direction. I was so desparate to leave, that Liz and I were trying to get a bus home. By the night, we decided to put the fights aside and just try to get through the rest of the weekend. I told them I was staying in that night. I just did not want to risk another repeat. Although they seemed to have a better night.

 

The third night was ok til the end. By 4 in teh morning, I had enough. We had met different guys at the bar and they walked us back to out hotel. Liz and Jess wanted to hang out with them. Liz was just drunk and Jess liked one of them. All she wanted was to hook up with someone. I told them that they could go back to their hotel but I was going to bed. We had to be up early the next day and I had had enough... So I go up to the room and get in bed .. Next thing I know, Liz and Jess come back with all 4 guys, more beer, and turn the radio on...while I am in bed trying to sleep. Well, I can only keep so much to myself. I completely flipped about how ignorant and selfish they were being... I apoligized later, although it was a little awkward.

 

And so..that is the story of my weekend. I can't help but think that these girls have kept me from making new friends and having fun. I can't go out without being the babysitter and always worrying about what could happen. I just can't do it anymore and I do not know what I should do. If i cut them out of my life, I will feel horrible and selfish. I mean, I don't have any other friends but I just have so much anger inside me for all the horrible expereinces I have gone through with them that I can't hold it in anymore. I am tired of being walked all over and taken advantage of. I just need a change

[redfathom]

I cut a friend out of my life who was very selfish and had way to much drama. I don't regret it...okay, 99.9% of the time. Sometimes I wonder if she has changed and if our friendship would be better now. But I know I shouldn't base my hopes of a healthy relationship on her changing. It's not fair to her or me...

 

As you get older sticking up for yourself will be easier. Just relax for a while, don't call them, don't answer their calls. Find a hobby that you enjoy and that makes you feel good and find friends around those hobbies. Drinking is not a hobby, well for most people. But it might be for these friends...

 

Research healthy relationships and start setting boundries...

[Carlyy17]

That is how I feel. I don't want to cut people out of my life just like that...because what if they get over this (long) phase of getting drunk and obnoxious? Then where will I be? I guess I just need to do my own thing and figure out everything on my own..