Graduate Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I'd like to hear your opinions on whether you think dating new people helps you to get over a break-up or if it just increases the pain. Also, could you state whether you are male or female because I have a feeling there might be a difference between the sexes. I myself am female and have recently started casually dating guys I meet on a dating-website. It's only been a month since my heart was broken and I thought it would help me get over him quicker. Now I am not sure because the last time I went out with some guy who was very attentive and seemed really into me, it made me so sad because he reminded me so much of my ex that I had to excuse myself early from the date, go home and have a good cry. On the other hand, I have met one or two guys who I really like and they kinda give me back faith and hope in the fact that there are nice guys out there who I might eventually be interested in, even if I am nowhere ready for a new relationship at this stage. Okay, let me know what you think.
sedgwick Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 My ex dumped me two years ago, and I'm still in love with him, and I'm in no way ready to date yet. I just don't find other guys attractive, and it wouldn't be fair to them to pretend. At this point, I figure I'll be alone for the rest of my life, unless I meet someone spectacular who happens to be interested in me (which I really can't foresee happening.) At one month, I was still unable to eat and crying every day.
EmperorR Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I wouldn't, I prefer to heal on my own. Plus I'm not the casually dating type but in sure it does work for people.
lora22 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 For me it depends on the guy/relationship (what it was like, how long it was, and so on), and why and how the relationship ended. In general, I don't go on actual dates, but I do love going out with my friends and flirting a little bit (at a bar, at a hockey game, whatever). By flirting I don't mean hitting on guys, or teasing them or anything like that, or anything that would lead to a prolonged conversation with him - just a casual and brief encounter to help me feel single again, and to remind myself that I'm fun and desirable, and there are other guys out there (I'm a girl).
a_f_w Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I'm male, and meeting other women certainly took the edge off the pain, but it didn't cure me. I made an effort to go out and socialise and meet new people, which I have done, and I've met a fair few women who really like me and all that, but, well - they're not my ex... It's been almost 5 months now since she left me, and there's no actual pain whatsoever, and in fact it's quite well faded altogether, but I still compare every girl I meet to her.
Montclair0011 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I'm female and I think dating does help, especially once you can finally wrap your mind around the fact that the person who left is not coming back. That can take a long time. When my husband left, I had no interest in dating for two years. Then I made myself go through the motions of on-line dating. I was still hung up on him, but I was realizing he was not coming back and that I needed to try to move on. Surprisingly I met a guy I liked and fell madly in love and was sooooo happy for awhile. I was no longer wanting my husband back and was thinking it was so nice to be appreciated it and loved. But, he was separated from his wife and he went back (his daughter was begging him) and I was devastated. I was with him less than a year and with my husband for 20 but I feel like it's going to take me as long to recover. I've tried dating again and it's much worse this time around. I have been seeing a guy who really likes me. But I just don't feel anything for him. He's better looking and just as intelligent as the former boyfriend, but I just don't feel a connection. I don't know if we are just incompatible or if it's just that I'm afraid to get hurt again or what? It's very confusing. I wish that I could run away. I'd like to just not go out with this guy, but I feel like I need to try to make it work. Besides him, I get almost no responses to my on-line personal ad. I write to lots of guys but they either don't write back or say "no thanks" I had one other date and the guy stood me up. I ended up meeting him with him later, but I don't think he's too interested. So, I'm very confused about what I should do. But, in spite of my problems, I do think continuing to date (if you can get them) is the way to go. It does not guarantee you will get over your heartbreak, but it does increase the chances.
EmperorR Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Maybe I'm the only one but whenever I date so soon a part of me feels like im cheating (dumb eh).
lora22 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Maybe I'm the only one but whenever I date so soon a part of me feels like im cheating (dumb eh). na, I'm the same way...that's why I ease myself in with some veerrrry light, casual flirting...it's not something I would do in a relationship, but it's still a very small baby step toward beginning to feel single and move on.
fabulous_chk Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Female here. Yeah date other people not to get over your ex but to open yourself to the rest of the world. I've dated immediately after the break-up and I've met amazingly accomplished people which put perspective to things. My ex is a 28-year-old bartender/musician with no direction in life while the people I met and dated were 29 year old doctor/lawyer/scientist/engineer. Plus it's fun to kiss and hug and cuddle people (while tipsy hahahha) ....do not have sex though you're in for a disappointment. I had sex with a man and hated it! Hated it ugh! So disappointing I ended up crying and unable to sleep (ex was a sex god). But after that I had sex with 2 women (first time I ever did) and it was naughty and fun. So right now I think if I have sex it will be with women. I cannot have sex with a man yet it reminds me of the ex.
LadyV Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I hear you all! I am not the type of person who wants to jump from person to person. I need time to get over the person I was just with!! My XBF on the otherhand, already has me replaced...Oh well, his loss as far as I'm concerned.
VeronicaVry Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Hm, this one is tricky....I always try to meet new people in general after a break up, either as the intention of getting new friends or to maybe romance. But it can totally back fire, karma ya know....My ex of three weeks now was actually a re-bound guy, but we fell deeply in love, I have never felt as close to a guy as him, but what goes around comes around so I had my faith punished me and put an ocean and other difficulties between us. I think it depends on the relationship, why you broke up etc....If you were 'over' the relationship a time before the actual break. I think I would advice everyone to take time to grieve for about 2 weeks and then go out and just meet new people in general, both girls and men. Have fun! We only live once!
notalone Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I think what works is platonic male company. None of the complications of romance but all the comforts of attention from the opposite sex.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I myself have found a so called dating line. I went there for friends. I do find it comforting to have male companionship. Its a definete confidence booster for me. Which is somthing we all need when we have had are hearts broken.. I don't sleep with them and don't want anything but a friendship. I feel emotionally unavailable and that isn't fair to the guy who may be hoping for more. I am very blunt about it. So dating I think is fine on your terms and to know your limitations. Just becareful.
Recommended Posts