melissa123 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Heya everyone. My ex (after ignoring me for 7ish months) suddenly got in contact wanting a hat back. This was a few days after we ran into each other for the first time since the break up. He didnt speak to me in person. He lent the hat to a friend of ours about a year ago and it hasn't come up since. However he txtd me a few days ago asking that I get it back from my friend. I want to remain NC so I ignored him. I asked advice and people told me he probably just wants to talk after seeing me and if he really wants it back he can ask the friend himself. However after ignoring him he started to txt me more and is starting to become abusive. Hes even telling people what a b*tch I am and how difficult im being for not helping him out. I have ignored everything but I feel really sad I had getting these stupid abusive txts I hate it when people are mad at me and I dont like not helping people out. I guess im still a little bitter after he ran off with my goodfriend and rubbed it in. He also still has things of mine and owes me money which I let go. He has moved cities to so It will cost me to send it back to him. And im angry that he has ignored me all this time and only gets in contact when he wants something What do I do if the abuse keeps coming? I feel really sad over it all but I kind of dont want to give in to him. What do you think?
amaysngrace Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 You can tell him he'll get his hat back when he sends you the money he owes you plus your personal belongings. Or you can send the hat to him COD. Or you can tell him to eff off. Or you could just do nothing. And let him go out and buy himself another hat with the money he owes you. He's not your problem anymore so don't let him be one. Just do what you want.
nolanola Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 What a jerk off! I agree with amaysngrace. It's so not your problem. He can get his own stupid hat back. Although, I suspect that he's not this mad about a hat (who gets that mad about a hat they haven't needed in 7 months?). Is it possible that he's being abusive because you are ignoring him and his attempts at contact with you? It sounds like he was expecting you to jump when he texted. Just a thought... At any rate, let him deal with his issue (the hat) and separate yourself from his anger issues. I also hate when people are upset with me and a lot of times feel the need to do something to make them not mad at me. I hope you will resist the urge to feel this way about him.
Citizen Erased Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Nothing about this guy makes sense why you are still even thinking about him. What an idiot he is. Get the hat, send it to him without so much as a note. Change your phone number or block his calls and texts. Do not speak to him, he is only out for himself.
BCCA Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Oh god, Ive been through the same thing. Here is whats going on: he wanted you to jump up and down because he graced your phone with a text message. A hat is worth so little, and I doubt he even really remembers what it looks like after 7 months. BUT he doesnt like the fact that your ignoring him, because that dashes his hopes for an ego boost (and no one likes being ignored), so hes turning into a total dick in hopes that enough 4 letter words will get you to respond. Keep ignoring. He doesnt have anything to say that you want to hear.
tanbark813 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 What do I do if the abuse keeps coming? Either change your number or contact the police. If the texts are abusive and frequent enough they can charge him.
Montclair0011 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 What an abusive jerk. I'd just ignore everything. You are so lucky not to have this toxic man in your life.
twicebitten Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 ... I agree that he's TRYING to get a rise out of you .. it's NOT over a dumb HAT!!!! Take the abusive texts to the police ... let THEM call him & let him know that he is NOT to contact you any longer (I had to do this ... it's working for the most part)!! The hat!? Yeah, maybe send it COD!!? Other than that NC by YOU!!! Hang in there ... these types really play with your hearD!! XO - TB -
Author melissa123 Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 Thankyou so much for your replies!!!! I really appreciate your input!! I was/still am worried Im doing the wrong thing! But I do agree that he is only out for himself! I just hate it when people are angry with me and I want to do anything to make it ok! The friend that has his hat is more my friend than his and lives in the same city as me but im sure if he didnt already have her number he could easily get it off someone else. They are facebook/bebo friends so he could easily email her etc without getting me involved. My only worry is that he was trying to mend the bitterness between us and I have just made it worse by ignoring him. I hate this stupid situation! I just want him out my life! He is such an a**hole!! By the way (sorry for my ignorance) what does COD stand for? Thanks soo much again!! You guys really helped put my mind as ease
ATR Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 By the way (sorry for my ignorance) what does COD stand for? Call Of Duty Nah, i think they mean collect on delivery?
carhill Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 COD= collect on delivery. Essentially, if he wants to receive the package, in this case, he would have to pay for the shipping, including a small fee for processing the payment. IMO, the hat thing is just a mind game.
PinkToes Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 So he probably knows damn well how much you hate having people mad at you, and how you always want to make things right, and it's driving him crazy that he can't play you anymore. He's behaving like a jerk. Stay strong!
wild trillium Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 You could have the friend contact him thru facebook & tell him that she will send it cod.Leaving you completely out of it with no need to feel bad or respond to his garbage.He is trying to manipulate you. Speaking of hats... he sounds like a total @sshat!!! Fo sho...
norajane Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I agree with everyone else. Whatever you do, do not reply to him AT ALL. If you were to reply, the only thing he will learn is that he should be very abusive to you to get you to do what he wants. And no, he doesn't want the hat - he wants you to jump and reply to him. Personally, I'd tell your friend he's being an ass about the hat, and she can choose to get in touch with him on facebook. Or not. Actually, no. He knows she has the hat. He's friends with her on facebook. There's no reason you need to play messenger for him.
tigerstripes Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Either change your number or contact the police. If the texts are abusive and frequent enough they can charge him. seriously. they don't even have to be frequent to go to the cops. why on earth would you think about sending this dude anything? Why are you even spending a second caring about what this d-bag wants? IMHO, he still wants to have control over you. don't give him that. he is clearly a person with issues. work on yourself and figure out why you care whether someone who has treated you so badly is angry at you. shouldn't you be angry at him? why aren't you?
Author melissa123 Posted May 30, 2009 Author Posted May 30, 2009 Heya everyoone Again thanks so much for your replies!! Lucikly I havent recieved anymore messages!! A friend gave my ex the number of the girl who actually has his hat but he didnt bother to contact her which leads me to think you guys were all right and it was just a mind game. Althought it wasn't the worlds biggest dilema you guys all came through for me when I needed it and im so glad you convinced me to stay strong and ignore him. Its also awesome to see a theme coming through in your posts that hes an a**hole and I shouldn't be wasting my time being upset over him and especially not running around after him. Thankyou all so much again! I will keep you updated if anything else comes from this
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