Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I have been posting int he divorce area. Husband cheated on me 2 times that I know of then asked for a divorce a month and a half ago. Afterwards found out he was cheating again. Love the man he is a horrible addiction. I know the best thing for me to get over him is NC, but he keeps calling. I don't have caller ID he calls me just to talk, leading me on strings saying things like he loves me and cares for me more than anyone in the world and that maybe fate will bring us back together. I don't want hope. I don't want to be yanked along. I know the best way to do that is to pretend he dosen't exsist. We have 2 kids together but he is doing nothing for them. There for has no right to ask me how I am doing with them. So he calls I answer, the voice in my head says 'HANG UP'!! While my heart sits there saying 'I wonder what he has to say'.. Its enough to make me want to throw my phone out the window. He got laid off and is suppose to be paying the bills. I don't have a job yet. So I have definetly been hoping he would call and say I have a job I can pay the bills now. Other than that I know ther eis nothing to say. I am working on getting a job and bettering myself. All I can seem to do. When i listen to his voice I am caught like a deer in the headlights. So is it time to throw the phone out of the window?
Soul Bear Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Keep your phone, and throw him out the window whilst you shout 'gonnae no do that, ya basta*d'' This guy sounds like a waste of time. Cheating is not on at all. You need to make it clear to him that you dont want to speak to him again, get him out of your life for good. He sounds like a user and a loser. Get him exiled!!! Take him to court, then kick his ass to the curb. Maybe this wasnt such good advice, im feelin pretty mad myself today
Soul Bear Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 NC is NO CONTACT, and LC is Limited Contact In Icequeens situation, I can agree that she needs to go NC, the same as me ASAP.
notalone Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 You know what they say...Hurt me once, shame on you...hurt me twice, shame on me. So yeah...throw the phone out of the window...or better yet, change your number.
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 So he called last night before dinner. Messed my stomach up so bad I had to wait 2 hours before eating. So I sent him a few emails first angry ones. Telling him to have some respect stop calling me. Calling names etc. Then I decided to clarify.. By sending this. Look, you cheat. You lie. You are completley unhealthy for me and I am trying to improve my life. I need space. Do not call, for atleast 3 months. Then, perhaps we can try talking, and I will see if it is any better. However, please don't count on it I have been betrayed and hurt. I deserve better. Even from a "friend".. Than 7am I get a message. He never leaves messages. It sounded important I call and he says he dosen't remember calling. I HATE HIM!! He is coming back down to the city I live in today I made it clear he better not think about coming here. If he wants to talk to the kids they can call him every once in a while. IT IS MY FAULT.. I take 100% blame. I could hit the button. I could not answer. I will be living in *69 land for a while until I get a caller ID. I HATE HIM THAT JERKY LIL SON OF A *****!! Very angry today. Won't beat myself up. But just want to move on. I will keep you posted on the no contact. Anyone with a story like mine, having no contact or any advice is always welcome. I wish he would just move back to scotland..
robinincarolina Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 You might as well face it. You are going to be on an emotional roller coaster ride for a while now. You have to heal. You are going to be mad, sad, and every once in a while you will feel glad. Over time the glads start to overide the mads and the sads if that makes sense. But it takes time time time. There is no other answer. Do you have girlfreinds to talk to that will let you vent. Girlfriends that won't judge you? That helps. I would say definately no contact though. The longer you do it the easier it will get.
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 Thank you robin.. I do have friends that I talk to often. They help alot. I even now have some guy friends because I enjoy male companionship. Not to have sex with or an emotional attatchment too. I know NC is the best thing for me. Its so hard when he is calling everyday or every other day. I have only told him literally like a hundred times to stop contacting me. Sure you could say he keeps calling because I keep answering. But I say he is a mental an emotional retard who is playing games with me. You know what. I think I will change my phone number.
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 SOOOOO.. I did it and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Called my phone service and switched everything to my name. I was using a service in his name so he would EVEN get my messages in his email box and listen to them. He could also look up who I was talking to when and for how long. I never called because I didn't think I could change it. However as luck would have it I knew his password. I have changed all the passwords codes etc. The emails will now go to my inbox instead of his and I have a new phone number. So I think I am on the right track now. Today I will spend the day catching up with laundry, among other things. Its a very nice day today so perhaps I will top it off by taking a walk with my kids.
nolanola Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Good job Icequeen! That is great that you took control and stood up for yourself. You should be really proud of yourself.
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 I can't really consider this day 2 of no contact because I spoke to him yesterday morning. I was really over the moon yesterday about getting my number changed lol. I felt almost free!!! Today I am feeling a bit miserable. It could be the fact I have to quit smoking today because I am broke. SO ...I could scrounge in all my change drawers or give into being a quitter. This feels like a four patch day. Nicotine OD? The thoughts of the ex are lingering so far today. But on a positive note its early. So I am off for a shower and some reading.
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 29, 2009 Author Posted May 29, 2009 Well he left me a couple of emails yesterday. Telling me about his job situation etc. Saying he missed the kids. He never brought up that my phone wasn't working don't know if he bothered to call, or me telling him over and over "NOT TO CALL". finally stuck. I was releived, I was having horrible thoughts about him getting angry and threatenng me because I changed my number. Telling me he won't help with bills. It felt much better not to hear his voice. I don't have much of an urge to call him. Which is also good. I replied to his email telling hime when I was excpecting some money, That me and the kids were fine and thanked him for letting me know what was going on. Short and simple. It still feels horrible inside. The thought of it being over. I am hoping that not talking to him will push me in the right direction, and overall make me feel better. Start to study on Wensday, by then my mind should be clear enough to focus on completeing my test. I read everyone posts here that they have a sense of impowerment and feel better with NC. I just wish the feelings for him and thoughts would just disapear. Somtimes I don't feel like I will ever be whole again.
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 30, 2009 Author Posted May 30, 2009 Today is day 3. The longest I have gone without talking to him since I met him. I still only have small urges to contact him, nothing I haven't been able to handle. I was ok for the first half of the day. As my misery set in I went to take a shower, always refreshing and it lifts my spirits. I had a good cry. I havent cried in almost 2 weeks. I needed one. I think this was more realization setting in of being over and its only day 3. This will go one of 2 ways, it will get better or worse. I haven't been able to do much the last week in a half, alot of depression has set in. There is always alot to do. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. Fade away into the black. I read many stories here of how well people are doing. It always makes me feel better and gives me hope. People get back together. People get over there ex's. All and all happy endings. I appriciate them all. Today clouds have blown in, with the high chances of rain. Small rays of sunshine break through, with promises to dry the pain. I await the flood and try to imagine the rainbows ahead. Continuing, to cry broken hearted, I carry on, my feet heavy with lead.
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Day 4 now coming to an end. It was a good day. I took alot of time for myself today rested and relaxed. Didn't have the kids this weekend. Yes only 4 days, but we have been split 2 months now. Yesterday I had a bout of OCD " Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" kept checking me inbox to see if he emailed. I overall feel better when I don't even look. I checked once. As I do everyday and have done for a long time before this disaster. Its 6:30 and all I have to do is make it another three hours without clicking my msn button. I don't feel bad today. I haven't really thought about him. Which is hard to do when you are unable to get out much and be with friends. You know what I hate though. I feel good one day and then at the same time I feel anxious, like OMG today is a good day but the bad day is coming back to haunt me. That SUX! Today I don't feel bitter. I feel positive. I see days of a new life that has been out of reach for so long. Even when we were together I rarley felt happy. Its myself I have lost somewhere. I am detaching and detaching. Soon I hope to float away.
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 2, 2009 Author Posted June 2, 2009 Yesterday NC was broken. He called my moms house wondering why my phone was off and sent an email. I did call. After a fit of anger and everything coming back to me again I realized I am in a new boat but the sceneary hasn't changed. He gave me the whole spiel " Your not going to allow me to contact my kids" etc. I did explain he only called to harass me and hardly ever spoke to the kids or about the kids. I am only as stuck as I have to be though. I will have to do LC for my children. There is also a matter of the household that has been discussed. A proper parenting plan needs to be set but with him staying 3 hours away I don't know how to do that so he can see the kids. I feel selfish saying I can't have him here because I can't see him. I really don't know what to do about that. Today I set it up for my daughter to go on webcam so her father could see her. It is very important not to put the kids through more than they have to go through. Even at the expense of my own feelings. However I don't think him coming here and me killing him would be healthy either. I did not give him my phone number. I said his daughter would contact him once a week. I think I will let her call atleast twice a week. The youngest is to young to talk but she is a good listener. I will continue to to have him email me when he has somthing to say. I have also agreed to messenger. There will be no talk of my personal life with him and no talk of our relationship things that went wrong. Those are the rules that need to be kept in order to keep civil. He continues to say he wants to be friends not just for the kids but for us. I have made it clear we don't need to be friends "civil" for the kids sake is all that will come out of this. I made a mistake by having kids with this man but I would never take those children back. Now I have to do the best I can for myself and for them. In a way I now have to accept he will always be in my life, no matter how much I wish he no longer exsisted. Even though NC really was a fantasy, I feel like a failure. Mostly because I can't have what a I really want and I always told myself I could. Now I have to stay on a positive note. I can do this for my children. Because I would do anything for them. I can avoid confrontation and be strong. I will still get through this one day at a time.
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