Sam Spade Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 There should be a legal and binding contract drawn up before each sexual encounter where each party agrees to protect themselves with birth control and agree to the administering of the morning after pill, and an abortion in the event of a pregnancy. If there is a pregnancy, the man would be obligated to pay his share of abortion costs, and if the woman decided against abortion, then the man would be absolved of any and all responsibilities since the woman chose to give birth. That is the only way I can see men having a choice in the matter really. Yes! You I like. I want to have babies - some day, but should an accident happen, and if I am left with no choice or say whatsoever, then Now, in reality I'd probablyl be interested in the kid, and support it anyway, but that's a completely different story. The point is that she can't unilateraly make decisions that in the present legal system will affect me for the next 20 years, and such attitude would be a dealbreaked even if I had contemplating marrying this girl.
Lucky_One Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I kind of agree with Glen. Both people are responsible but the mother has like the ultimate decision and it can be life ruining. I knew a guy who was an All-American wrestler and he had mad **** lined up for him in his future. His GF, who by the way was on BC, got pregnant and decided she wanted to keep the baby despite his protests. He was 20 years old with a very very bright future ahead of him. He's 27 now. And he repairs Air Conditioners. He loves his daughter to death but he said that the timing really ruined his life. What kills me about this story is that its like the perfect example of the female party having the winning hand in all of this. Its so messed up in this case because the female was on BC, so she was already trying NOT to have a baby, they both were convinced they didn't want a child. Then when she got pregnant, she decided she wanted to give motherhood a go. She willingly ruined dude's life. Its so crazy and scary that you pretty much are putting your life in (whatever chick you're hitting raw)'s hands. It blows my mind thinking about it because its like the truest form of selfishness to me. She pretty much said "**** his life, I want to have this baby" and she did. Worst part is she divorced not even two years later, and got his home, half of his dough, and child support all to support the child that he didn't even want, and neither did she since she was on BC. I am not exactly sure why her getting pregnant ruined his future? It appears that he decided to ask her to marry him (or agreed to marry her, if she asked him), when that was not necessary. So HE, in this case, made the decision not to pursue his desired career path (what, being a wrestler means you can't have children?). Saying that this pregnancy ruined his life is silly. You can't make your debut in South Carolina if you are engaged or married, but I think he could have done something with his career, having a baby (or even a baby and wife).
Sam Spade Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I kind of agree with Glen. Both people are responsible but the mother has like the ultimate decision and it can be life ruining. I knew a guy who was an All-American wrestler and he had mad **** lined up for him in his future. His GF, who by the way was on BC, got pregnant and decided she wanted to keep the baby despite his protests. He was 20 years old with a very very bright future ahead of him. He's 27 now. And he repairs Air Conditioners. He loves his daughter to death but he said that the timing really ruined his life. What kills me about this story is that its like the perfect example of the female party having the winning hand in all of this. Its so messed up in this case because the female was on BC, so she was already trying NOT to have a baby, they both were convinced they didn't want a child. Then when she got pregnant, she decided she wanted to give motherhood a go. She willingly ruined dude's life. Its so crazy and scary that you pretty much are putting your life in (whatever chick you're hitting raw)'s hands. It blows my mind thinking about it because its like the truest form of selfishness to me. She pretty much said "**** his life, I want to have this baby" and she did. Worst part is she divorced not even two years later, and got his home, half of his dough, and child support all to support the child that he didn't even want, and neither did she since she was on BC. Screw that...:mad: This is LOW. I will no longer have sex. However, he's is also to blame for giving up the control over the birth control methods. Pill - shmill. As tacky as it sounds, I'd consider keeping my big ol box of condoms even after I'm married until the time isright for a baby.
Sam Spade Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I am not exactly sure why her getting pregnant ruined his future? It appears that he decided to ask her to marry him (or agreed to marry her, if she asked him), when that was not necessary. So HE, in this case, made the decision not to pursue his desired career path (what, being a wrestler means you can't have children?). Saying that this pregnancy ruined his life is silly. You can't make your debut in South Carolina if you are engaged or married, but I think he could have done something with his career, having a baby (or even a baby and wife). At the age of 20, you have very limited options, especially any plans beyond living paycheck to paycheck on whatever job you were able to find on the spot, to keep the little bugger alive.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 How about discussing what would happen if there was an unplanned pregnancy before EITHER of them let it get in there bareback? Give me a break. It's the woman's body - so IMO, yes - she should have more say in what happens to a piece that grows in her and comes out of her. She spends 9 months of her life with this child inside of her. Until a man can understand the emotional bond that grows during that 9 months, he needs to keep his face shut about it. As I've heard it said - a woman becomes a mother when she becomes pregnant, a man becomes a father when he sees his child. The bond between mother and child begins in utero. So don't even begin to tell me that the choice he would make (to either abort or adopt) would feel the same as it would for her. So, yeah - he's responsible for sticking it in there for the resulting child. If he didn't talk to her about her religious beliefs regarding abortion and just figured that was his "out" when he had unprotected sex, then that's his stupidity.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 There should be a legal and binding contract drawn up before each sexual encounter where each party agrees to protect themselves with birth control and agree to the administering of the morning after pill, and an abortion in the event of a pregnancy. If there is a pregnancy, the man would be obligated to pay his share of abortion costs, and if the woman decided against abortion, then the man would be absolved of any and all responsibilities since the woman chose to give birth. That is the only way I can see men having a choice in the matter really. THIS, I am perfectly okay with. See? The choice of what to do with said unplanned pregnancy was made BEFORE it just "happened." At that point, either person can choose in or out if they don't like the other person's decision. It's a little late once you've already made the kid.
mr.dream merchant Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 How about discussing what would happen if there was an unplanned pregnancy before EITHER of them let it get in there bareback? Give me a break. It's the woman's body - so IMO, yes - she should have more say in what happens to a piece that grows in her and comes out of her. She spends 9 months of her life with this child inside of her. Until a man can understand the emotional bond that grows during that 9 months, he needs to keep his face shut about it. As I've heard it said - a woman becomes a mother when she becomes pregnant, a man becomes a father when he sees his child. The bond between mother and child begins in utero. So don't even begin to tell me that the choice he would make (to either abort or adopt) would feel the same as it would for her. So, yeah - he's responsible for sticking it in there for the resulting child. If he didn't talk to her about her religious beliefs regarding abortion and just figured that was his "out" when he had unprotected sex, then that's his stupidity. Okay that's understandable. What isn't understandable is how willing most young women are to ruin their young male partner's life and future by having a child she isn't even prepared for financially, mentally, and emotionally. Unplanned pregnancy is no good on more levels than just money and the guy's concern. Its a slew of negative elements that the young woman chooses to ignore because of her "out of nowhere" yearning for motherhood. She didn't want a baby before she was pregnant, now she does. So the responsibility and fault isn't all on the male party in this situation. As far as he knew, she didn't want a baby either. And then when she gets pregnant she flips the script on him, says she wants to keep it. It wasn't in their plans, let alone his, but ahhh so what right? Who cares about his opinion, his say, his life, and his future. Its all about this young woman and her not even 90% developed child yet and what she chooses to do with Her life, the unborn child's life, and the father's life which won't really turn out too swell because its going to be a hard life for the three of them. Lucrezia is right. There should be some sort of paper both parties should sign with those regulations.
Author Glenn Quagmire Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 What isn't understandable is how willing most young women are to ruin their young male partner's life and future by having a child she isn't even prepared for financially, mentally, and emotionally. Unplanned pregnancy is no good on more levels than just money and the guy's concern. Its a slew of negative elements that the young woman chooses to ignore because of her "out of nowhere" yearning for motherhood. She didn't want a baby before she was pregnant, now she does. Yep. THIS is what I have a serious problem with.
missdependant Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Maybe, before two people have unprotected sex they should: 1. Make sure they're doing it with someone they trust and 2. Discuss the outcome in great length (i.e. opinions on abortion, adoption, morning after pill or raising a child) From personal experience, adoption is a VERY hard thing to do and shouldn't be pushed on ANYONE. Not everyone can handle the instant attachment and detachment. Abortion is also a very personal choice. If the chick thinks abortion is wrong, and the guy thinks it's right, both are aware of each other's feelings.. then she gets knocked up; what could the outcome possibly be? And who's really at fault? If these things aren't discussed, that's entirely on both of them. Maybe they should have talked about it first.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Okay that's understandable. What isn't understandable is how willing most young women are to ruin their young male partner's life and future by having a child she isn't even prepared for financially, mentally, and emotionally. Unplanned pregnancy is no good on more levels than just money and the guy's concern. Its a slew of negative elements that the young woman chooses to ignore because of her "out of nowhere" yearning for motherhood. She didn't want a baby before she was pregnant, now she does. So the responsibility and fault isn't all on the male party in this situation. As far as he knew, she didn't want a baby either. And then when she gets pregnant she flips the script on him, says she wants to keep it. It wasn't in their plans, let alone his, but ahhh so what right? Who cares about his opinion, his say, his life, and his future. Its all about this young woman and her not even 90% developed child yet and what she chooses to do with Her life, the unborn child's life, and the father's life which won't really turn out too swell because its going to be a hard life for the three of them. Lucrezia is right. There should be some sort of paper both parties should sign with those regulations. Well, if you read my second post, I agreed with Lucrezia. You cannot just ASSUME what somebody's choice will be. You MUST ASK. Until that happens, don't think that it's unfair - that's BS. If he's not going to talk about options before he sticks his stick in holes, then he can't complain too much about the results.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I would think the first time BC came out every men on this planet went " hallelujah" because they can go raw. But when they found out BC wasn't 100% and abortion came about, they started going " so baby, even if you do get pregnant, I'll just pay for your abortion". Come on, we all know you guys must have thought about it.
thegoodlife Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I still don't see how a woman deciding to keep her unplanned baby is ruining the man's life. People are allowed to have a change of heart and a child is not one of those decisions that is cut and dry. It's a very emotional decision no matter which path she chooses to take and I doubt that all women are doing that as an attack on their man. (Although I will admit I definitely believe there are women out there who do that). Also, unplanned pregnancy is different for everyone, it is not always the worst thing in the world. For some it can turn out to be a very good thing. I know a whole slew of people (including my mother) who were on the wrong paths in life and basically going nowhere. They ended up getting pregnant and that prompted them to get their **** together and do right for themselves and their child. The fact still stands, you've gotta know that BC isn't 100% and there will always be people who fall into that 1% category and it very well could be you. Whether you planned for the pregnancy or even necessarily wanted the pregnancy doesn't matter because it still happened, and IMO since she woman is the one who will be carrying the child, it is her ultimate decision. Both the man and woman are responsible and both should be financially responsible.
Author Glenn Quagmire Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 Maybe, before two people have unprotected sex they should: 1. Make sure they're doing it with someone they trust and 2. Discuss the outcome in great length (i.e. opinions on abortion, adoption, morning after pill or raising a child) From personal experience, adoption is a VERY hard thing to do and shouldn't be pushed on ANYONE. Not everyone can handle the instant attachment and detachment. Abortion is also a very personal choice. If the chick thinks abortion is wrong, and the guy thinks it's right, both are aware of each other's feelings.. then she gets knocked up; what could the outcome possibly be? And who's really at fault? If these things aren't discussed, that's entirely on both of them. Maybe they should have talked about it first. Since the woman has ultimate control and the guy has no say ... then I would put the responsibility on the female to sign the unwritten contract. It can be assumed that the man has already signed. If a guy is willing to have unprotected sex with a one night stand, I think he's acknowledging his risk but irresponsibly saying "**** it". One of the things he's acknowledging is that if she get's pregnant, abortion is an option. If abortion isn't an option, being as the decision rests soley with the female, then again I think it should be on her to bring that up before they commence with unprotected sex. Afterall, the guy has no voice after the fact. I'm not justifying either of their behavior, just trying to come to a reasonable and realistic resolution. As someone who had countless one night stands (some of which unprotected) I can tell you the LAST thing I want to talk about right before penetration is abortion. I always assumed it was on the table. If it wasn't for spiritual or personal beliefs than I would expect the female to at least volunteer that information. "You better get a condom because I'm a conservative" would do just fine. Worst case scenario is you go back door and chalk it up to a learning experience. Maybe you stop pulling ass out of country music bars.
amaysngrace Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Maybe you stop pulling ass out of country music bars. You know my exH is a country bumpkin. And he trapped me pregnant. And when I wanted an abortion he cried and said "don't kill our baby". Our son's now eleven. Could be it's a country thing.
missdependant Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 An unprotected one night stand is anyone's stupid decision. Not only risking pregnancy, but also STDs (which we won't get into). In that case, if one is too involved with the mood to ask "are you on birth control?", "Do you have condoms?" etc. the consequences fall on their shoulders. Whether it be raising a baby as a single mother with NO child support, being a father with supervised visits one day a week and dedicating 50% of his check to child support, an abortion or an adoption; maybe they should have THOUGHT about it first, and not just had unprotected sex like some stupid monkeys. Personally, I'd never have unprotected sex with someone I didn't TRUST. If others want to do it, then fine. They should consider the consequences of doing this BEFORE they do it. The woman isn't the only one with say either. I've seen plenty of men walk out of their children's life and leave the woman high and dry.. There are plenty of kids out there who, as a result of these stupid decisions, are raised by a single parent, never knowing their father or receiving a penny in child support. I certainly don't blame the children. It's the series of stupid decisions that either one or both of their GROWN parents made.
Author Glenn Quagmire Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 You know my exH is a country bumpkin. And he trapped me pregnant. And when I wanted an abortion he cried and said "don't kill our baby". Our son's now eleven. Could be it's a country thing. Good point. I hate the south.
amaysngrace Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I hate the south. Well...at least I got to see NASCAR.
hoping2heal Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 No, I really do. In fact, I hesitate to admit it but: I cant help but feel that the risks of getting pregnant are much more severe for women. Think having that child every day for the rest of your life, having that responsibility and priority every moment, ALL of your income, etc. That being said, when a woman gets pregnant, accidentally, I cant help but feel she was being 10times stupider than the guy. I second this opinion all the way. We are the ones who will have a child to support and raise for the next 18 years should the man bailout, we will have to carry a child to term, have our bodies changed. IMHO, women can't play victim about this. There's way too much knowledge and awareness of what we risk if we have protected sex and get pregnant LET ALONE unprotected. The only 2 times I had sex, were with someone who was not my boyfriend, I was not in a relationship with and I wouldn't let him cum either time, even with a condom. Relax, I never came either in fact the penetration part of sex was downright miserable (That's my fault though). Either way, I can't imagine if I would of been pregnant with this man's child. How people have casual partners is beyond me, that isn't a judgement I just mean, how the hell you handle the anxiety and worry of having to raise a child with a man you're not comitted too or in love with, not to mention the finances,etc. needed to give your child a stable environment. I don't know, freaks me out just thinking about it. That said, back to my point; women are well aware of the risk of engaging in sex and it isn't just a man's fault. The woman is more stupid to have unprotected sex knowing the risks; but as far as responsibility I'd say they are both equal. Your friend ought to know the reprucussions of knocking up a girl, and the girl ought to know the reprucussions of being knocked up (outside of a stable, loving , comitted relationship). Now they are both in a sh*tty position and this is why school's have abstinence programs.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 people should just watch that Katherine Heigl film.
BUENG1 Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 The child in this scenario is the only one that didn't have some kind of choice or action they could take to alter the outcome of the scenario. It make sense that the child's well being would trump any debate of the fairness of holding the father accountable for a child he doesn't want.
WineCountry Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 You know, I swing from side to side in these scenarios. I agree that the men get screwed when it comes to something like this. If both of them want to play without birth control, they are both idiots. As far as the men go, I cant for the life of me figure out when you are going to smarten up. You KNOW that if a pregnancy happens, if the woman wants to have the baby, there is NOTHING you can do about it. You have no control over that. Listen, you better wrap it up each and every time. And probably even moreso with your girlfriends. You think that some of these chicks get pregnant UN-intentionally?? LOL I'm a woman, and I'm telling you that some of these women are getting knocked up on purpose to get the guy to marry them, or just 'seal' their relationship. Not ALL women, of course. But a lot are. And hey, why not? Some of you guys marry these chicks just cause you knock them up. Okayyy then. I may offend some women on here, but im sorry. Heck, one girl at work, her friends, me being one of them, called her 'the trapper' cause we know she got knocked up on purpose. And she didnt deny it, cause we knew their whole history. The guy married her. They got 2 kids now and another on the way. The guy says he married her to 'do the right thing'. Nice. I should have done what she did. Instead, I carefully took BC and wanted to be married first. Im not married yet. And I dont have kids, and probably never will now. I guess im the fool here. If you guys want to have some control over stuff like that, take more interest in looking out for yourself when it comes to BC. Dont leave it in someone elses hands.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I'm sure that when that male birth control shot hits the market there will be no shortage of takers.
tigerstripes Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 I'm sure that when that male birth control shot hits the market there will be no shortage of takers. WHAT?!?! What is this and when is it happening? And why haven't I heard of it? Hallelujah!
WineCountry Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 WHAT?!?! What is this and when is it happening? And why haven't I heard of it? Hallelujah! LOL You know, who ever comes up with that shot will make tons of money too!
thewingwoman Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Okay, I have a question to throw in here as it's kinda something I'm dealing with right now... What about when the woman gets off birth control without telling her partner? My ex had this happen with an old booty call of his. She was on birth control when they first started sleeping together, and never told him any different until she popped up pregnant. When he asked "but I thought you were on birth control?" she responded with "oh, I got off that two months ago"... WTF? Why did she continue to let him have unprotected sex with her without informing him of this new information? He's currently conflicted on what he's responsible for, as she says he doesn't owe her anything and doesn't have to be in the child's life. He's not okay with this and wants to be involved, if it is truly his. But now she won't get a DNA test done. Ugh, this is a frustrating subject for me.
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