Jilly Bean Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Yeah, I agree with sooner than later, but on the first date? Before kissing? This, I do not agree on. I'm not trying to "trap" him, and I'm slightly insulted that some people are insinuating so. I don't think you're intentionally, consciously, trying to "trap" a guy, no. I've seen your level of integrity and your heart, and this is not you at all. But, I do think, as I wrote above, that this is a solid deal-breaker for many people, as much as other things would be that I also mentioned. And not disclosing this up front is like entrapment of sorts. Otherwise, why not tell someone up front? I just know for me, that I would not want to date a person who revealed something so important down the line and didn't allow me to make my own decision. THAT is deceptive. FWIW, I would feel the same if a guy suddenly told me about his kids, or that he smoked, or that he had an incurable disease. PG - I had a first date a few years ago with a guy who told me that he was JUST diagnosed with stomach cancer. I was SO appreciative that he was honest, as I did not want to get involved in all that. Had he of waiting until date two, or five, I still would have stopped dating him, but then I would have felt manipulated, and like I was suddenly the douchie one, when he is the one who misled me.
Art_Critic Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 All of this is only my opinion.. When to tell them ? Tough question.. I do think you could tell someone too early in the relationship and scare them off but you have to balance that with what is happening with your own body.. I would think that at the very least you should tell them when you are actually using the term "I'm dating someone " or if you are actually getting frisky with someone.. Kissing.. hummmm if you know you have the virus and are asymptomatic then you still can pass the virus to them.. so maybe you should tell someone if you are kissing them.. I don't really have an opinion on that one but I would be upset if the girl I just spent 45 mins with my tongue down her throat told me she had herpes afterwards.. Going out on one or two dates with someone and telling them that early would just be too stressful..IMO.. Better to wait to weed out the people who you don't click with first..
Dexter Morgan Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Herpes is not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Isn't it just a few outbreaks like bumps on the genital area? It's not dehabilitating. Well if a guy ever gives you herpes...don't get mad at him, cuz its not all that bad afterall:rolleyes:
carhill Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Pesky cervical cancer and all that risk.... no problemo IMO, if a man (or woman) can't handle an honest discourse and/or disclosure about a sexually transmitted disease, they have no business being in an intimate relationship. I think PG should want to be dating/ in a relationship with someone whom she felt confident to share such matters with. OP, how's it going?
Trialbyfire Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Pesky cervical cancer and all that risk.... no problemo IMO, if a man (or woman) can't handle an honest discourse and/or disclosure about a sexually transmitted disease, they have no business being in an intimate relationship. I think PG should want to be dating/ in a relationship with someone whom she felt confident to share such matters with. OP, how's it going?I completely agree with this. It's self-defeating to hold back this information until someone else is invested, only to have them potentially reject you, due to what they view as a breach of trust or a lack of key disclosure.
Mahatma Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 It depends if you have HSV 1 or HSV 2. My girlfriend and I both have HSV 1. Half of the posters here probably have HSV 1. Of the half, probably 90% of them don't even know it. A lot of people get HSV 1 as a child and build up an immunity to it by their teens. My girlfriend's body has just not done it yet and she still gets her sores. During the times when she gets her sores, I try to not kiss her, and certainly oral sex is out of the question. It is something she told me very early on though, and I am glad she did. It can be embarrassing, but it is better to just be mature about it. If you have HSV 2, this is a whole other ball park. I would be weary of dating some one with HSV 2, and probably wouldn't ever do it.
dreamergrl Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 PG would only have to worry about transmitting if she had it in her mouth. If it's purely genital, she's fine with just kissing. I don't agree with telling someone on the first date, especially if you yourself isn't even sure if you'd want a second date. PG - I think you handle this in such a mature manner, you will know when the right time is. I admire you and how you handle yourself. If you feel it's too soon to tell, keep the date in a completely public area where things don't have to progress sexually too quickly.
dreamergrl Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 If you have HSV 2, this is a whole other ball park. I would be weary of dating some one with HSV 2, and probably wouldn't ever do it. Why is this? You seem to continue to have oral sex and kiss her when she doesn't have the sores, but it still can be transmitted. HSV 1 and 2 share 50% of the same make up. What if she had HSV 1 genitally?
Trialbyfire Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Why is this? You seem to continue to have oral sex and kiss her when she doesn't have the sores, but it still can be transmitted. HSV 1 and 2 share 50% of the same make up. What if she had HSV 1 genitally? I don't think they've come up with a positive link between HSV-1 and cervical cancer. Now HSV-2, I believe they have. Here's a 2004 Taiwanese study on the correlation between viral factors with cervical cancer in Taiwan. http://www.jmii.org/content/abstracts/v37n5p282.php There are neonatal implications to HSV-1, but if the infection isn't recently acquired, HSV-1 outbreaks are less likely to recurr genitally, than the more dangerous HSV-2.
Asami Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 He is pretty much a relative stranger -- met him online. I agree with you, Carhill -- I have to read his signals. I'm going to see him tonight -- second date -- and if it feels right and it seems like there is a growing attachment to me, I might just tell him. I agree with Carhill read his signals..let us know how the date turns out..
kinesis Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 you could be held civilly liable in court for spreading that virus. i would be careful.. i certainly would sue a person over it for sure. if he wants to get laid he will make a choice.. i dont know.. if it doesnt work out after you do the right thing and tell the guy AND YOU BETTER!!! you should look for someone who has the same virus as you to be in a relationship with... i think there is a herpes singles website on the net somewhere. condoms arent fully effective against it. the risk of transmission, although small.. IS there and can ruin the persons life. keep that in mind
Mahatma Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 Why is this? You seem to continue to have oral sex and kiss her when she doesn't have the sores, but it still can be transmitted. HSV 1 and 2 share 50% of the same make up. What if she had HSV 1 genitally? We are both aware that we are not 100% safe. We are just doing our best. She does not have it genitally yet. The only way she could get it now was if she was to kiss me and get the virus on my lips and then have me go down on her. She could also get it by giving me oral, getting the virus on my penis, and then us having sex. This is why either of us giving each other oral while she has a sore is out of the question. We generally wait about 4 days after the sore is completely gone too. The only way we could 100% protect her would be to never kiss and never give each other oral, and of course that is not happening. In the 11+ months we have been dating, she has had one actual fever blister (fairly recently). She said that is her first one in 2+ years. She was extremely stressed about her family and I think that's why it sprung up.
dreamergrl Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 We are both aware that we are not 100% safe. We are just doing our best. She does not have it genitally yet. The only way she could get it now was if she was to kiss me and get the virus on my lips and then have me go down on her. She could also get it by giving me oral, getting the virus on my penis, and then us having sex. This is why either of us giving each other oral while she has a sore is out of the question. We generally wait about 4 days after the sore is completely gone too. The only way we could 100% protect her would be to never kiss and never give each other oral, and of course that is not happening. In the 11+ months we have been dating, she has had one actual fever blister (fairly recently). She said that is her first one in 2+ years. She was extremely stressed about her family and I think that's why it sprung up. I think it is great that you both do everything you can to prevent yourself from getting it. But the fact is, you still can, at anytime.
Mahatma Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 I think it is great that you both do everything you can to prevent yourself from getting it. But the fact is, you still can, at anytime. I already have it dreamergrl. I have had it for many years. The difference between me and my girlfriend is that I am immune to it. Our goal is to not give it to her genitally. That's what we are trying to prevent, but we both know we can't do that for sure unless we stopped sex and oral sex.
missdependant Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 You don't withhold this. You tell your partner as soon as you feel like things will be physically intimate with this person. Doesn't matter how many dates.
Star Gazer Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I already have it dreamergrl. I have had it for many years. The difference between me and my girlfriend is that I am immune to it. Immune? In what way??
dreamergrl Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Immune? In what way?? I was curious about this myself.... You're body can have a better defense to it, but you are not immune to it, or you'd have many many doctors up your butt trying to figure out how.
Trialbyfire Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Did everyone know that if you have HSV-2, you're effectively immunized against HSV-1? Also, if you have HSV-1, you're less likely to contract HSV-2. It doesn't matter which site shows or has shown symptoms of either virus.
Star Gazer Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Did everyone know that if you have HSV-2, you're effectively immunized against HSV-1? Tell that to a couple friends of mine who have both. They're married to each other. Each started with only one type, and gave each other the other.
dreamergrl Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Did everyone know that if you have HSV-2, you're effectively immunized against HSV-1? Also, if you have HSV-1, you're less likely to contract HSV-2. It doesn't matter which site shows or has shown symptoms of either virus. I've heard this before, I don't by it though. I think if this were really true, there'd be a lot less people with HSV 2, given that 90% of the population has HSV1.
Trialbyfire Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Tell that to a couple friends of mine who have both. They're married to each other. Each started with only one type, and gave each other the other. http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/337/8/509 Here's where I got that information from. Is it possible that one with HSV-2, already had HSV-1, but never knew, then infected the second person with HSV-2?
Trialbyfire Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I've heard this before, I don't by it though. I think if this were really true, there'd be a lot less people with HSV 2, given that 90% of the population has HSV1.That 90% statistic seems outrageously high. Do you have a source for it?
dreamergrl Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 That 90% statistic seems outrageously high. Do you have a source for it? I found that percentage a looong time ago, well like a year ago or so. I'll have to look for it. Gimme a bit. Multi-tasking.
dreamergrl Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 This isn't it, but I found it kind of interesting... http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/01/050106111129.htm This one claims more then 85% is infected with hsv 1 http://dermatology.about.com/cs/oralherpes/a/oralherpesbasic.htm This one says 90% has antibodies for it.. http://www.answers.com/topic/herpesviridae Still can't find the page I'm looking for though.. I'll get back to you on it after work.
Trialbyfire Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Here's what I found. 50% of teenagers to young adults have HSV-1 antibodies. 80 - 90% of people 50 and older, have HSV-1 antibodies. http://www.herpes.com/hsv1-2.html Does this mean they've been exposed to HSV-1 but not necessarily been infected or does this mean they've been infected? I'm guessing it's the latter but does anyone know for certain?
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