ncgal Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I used the forum during my breakup and it helped to write it out, so here I am again, writing out my anger and frustrations in hope that it'll help My soon to be ex husband and I were together on and off for 13 years, married for 5 years and the divorce will be final in about 4 months. During those 5 years we were married we put off getting pregnant because we felt we were young and wanted to make sure we lived a full life before settling down to be parents. This last year we suffered 2 miscarriages and when I talked about trying again he decided that he really didn't want kids. It wasn't so much having to deal with the loses, but he realized that this was a close call for him and that he couldn't imagine being a dad. Not having kids is a deal breaker for me and basically we agreed to disagree. No big blow up fights, just something that neither one of us could change each other minds on. Of course I was angry that 13 years of my life with this one guy that I was married to didn't turn out the way I wanted to and wished I hadn't waited so long to figure out that kids weren't what he wanted, but the anger disapaited as I realized that I'd rather we ended things without kids, than have kids in the picture and he realize he didn't want them in the end. I was depressed, sad and lonely all through the holidays, but then found a guy that seemed like he was the perfect guy to rebound with. Of course, then I fall for him, but we/he have recently broke things off and now I'm single again. During this time my anger with the STBX has grown exponentially making me angry that I'm stuck in this situation in the first place and although I'm still young, that I'm not getting any younger either and my clock is ticking. I'm trying to turn this anger around by trying to find myself, but I don't even know where to start. Well, that's not true, I guess the first place I'll start is to try and find a church. Too many signs keep jumping out at me that I can't ignore. After that then where else do I turn? What do I do with myself on a lonely friday night? All my friends are married and have babies. Edited to add: Right after I post this I get an email from the STBX scheduling a weekend to pick up the rest of his stuff. Making me even more lonely and wanting to call the stupid rebound boy that I am currently in NC just becuase now I feel all alone and lonely. Ugh.
skywriter Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Hi ncgal, Bless your heart, you're going through so many emotions right now. My first thought after reading your post is to maybe just slow down and try to process some of these emotions without the exH and withou the STBX boyfriend. You are on the right track with finding a church because this can benefit you with just being quiet and going through the changes in your life. Just you and your devine power. It did help me alot anyway. I don't know how you feel, but for myself, I just couldn't burden anyone with my pain . I did try and go to my church when it was empty and just let it all out, on my knees. I also prayed for understanding often. Strange thing is, it just doesn't arrive in an e-mail. LOL It's as if, you get these AHA! moments, when you least expect them. So ncgal, just take a deep breath and slow your roll a bit.
delajoonal Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 ncgal... i am so sorry you are going thru this....doesn't it seem the emotions never end with divorce... i mean 3 months ago, i was in a better way than i am now... things are awful with the stbx...couldn't be worse... so i completely understand your anger...i know this may sound very immature...but break something of his...LOL...it could be as small as a CD... i know i am going to get crap for saying that..but no matter how old we are, we are still human and get hurt and angry and sometimes just a good old fashioned temper tantrum complete with breaking something rally helps relieve the pain... you an also do a really long hard work out that helps the anger or church...to help contain and understand your anger and emotions better...there are so many things you can do to help relieve the anger.... one is not better than the other, just depends on what kind of person you are...and what you KNOW would help alliviate your pain and anger??? just to let out the anger you have been holding in for so long...and yes, i get why you are so mad too...cause HE put you in this position of being single and having to date and get rejected etc...it is awful...i get it:) just wanted you to know you are not alone in your pain or anger:o take care...
Recommended Posts