Broke boyfriend

[Glenn Quagmire]

I'm trying to get my mind around someone who makes a ton of money a month legally with no education or skills....help me out.

 

The internet.

 

Or selling drugs.

[missdependant]

Thanks Cappy I hope he sees through all the nagging that I really am just trying to do what's best for us and the baby.

 

I am going to be looking into getting whatever assistance I can. We are hitting up garage sales and craigslist for baby stuff as well. He signed up for overtime for the next 2 weeks after we talked about it, so that's a big help!

 

We sat down and looked at the budget and I showed him how little things added up to so much. He is willing to update his resume and is willing to get back in school as soon as his schedule allows...So hopefully this will continue heading in the right direction!

 

Broadway -

 

I am glad you were able to talk to your boyfriend.

 

Don't take what people say about abortion to heart. It's a PERSONAL choice whether or not people want to get abortions. It shouldn't be thrown around so much; neither should adoption. Both are hard decisions and have nothing to do with your question. Just take whatever feedback you feel is necessary and don't worry about defending yourself. No one here knows the entire situation or are going to be living your life, so just take suggestions that you feel are relevant.

 

Garage sales and Craigslist are a great idea. Also, check around for baby consignment stores. There is one here called Once Upon A Child (not consignment, but second hand). It is a sister company to Play It Again Sports. REALLY good deals. Sometimes brand new, but all gently used items.

 

http://www.ouac.com/

 

Also, please take the suggestion on the Health Department. One of their priorities is helping women have healthy babies and live healthy lives together.

 

As far as grants for school; they can be very hard to get. When you fill out FAFSA, you're considered a dependant until you're 23 years of age; or have a child, or join the military. Once you're an independant, you qualify for much more financial aid.

 

Also, I suggest a baby registry and baby shower. If you have friends and family, this is a great way to even get small things out of the way. You can put things on it that are as simple as bottles. If you have some well-off family or friends you can even put things like bassinets. I agree that the small things add up when you're shopping.. so like I said. Take ALL the help you can get.

[carhill]

Selling drugs is illegal unless you're a pharmacist, which requires an education and degree.

 

Using the internet to operate a business again requires skills and generally an education. I know some people who run successful B and M businesses who have a hard time figuring out how to check their e-mail. Most have college degrees (in the distant past, before the internet).

 

There's something about the OP which doesn't make sense. OP, do you live in New York City? I'm trying to figure out why four jobs are necessary to pay the rent and live.

[Glenn Quagmire]

Using the internet to operate a business again requires skills and generally an education.

 

I run a successful internet business and I dropped out of not one but TWO fairly nondescript colleges.

 

And my "skills" were learned creating rave flyers.

 

The 3rd party software developer I use is run by my old college roommate that was kicked off campus for cocaine possession. Needless to say, his arrest record is longer than his resume. His partner has a community college degree and no social skills.

 

Over the past 10 years, the internet has been the alternative to drug dealing for screwups with too much time on their hands.

 

I do admit that dynamic is changing a bit now. MBA's are going into Internet Business Development.

[MichelleS1983]

... and I have NO interest in shallow women.

 

If a woman loves you she will stick with you when times are tough. The others aren't worth my time.

Exactly WHAT part of Broadways's post, talking about how he only works a 36-hour a week job at $9 an hour - and REFUSES to try to get a better paying job or a 2nd job - AND the fact that he insists SHE get a 2nd job and not HIM, did you NOT comprehend?

 

We're ALL having tough times. These two are not unique. Her beef with this shiftless loser is that he absolutely REFUSES to try to provide better for their family which is now expanding. What kind of a complete BUM expects a woman to give birth to his child AND WORK 2 JOBS because he won't lift his lazy, worthless ass off the couch to even bring out the garbage????

 

In essence, Broadway will carry and give birth to his child, clean his house, pay the bills, do his laundry, cook his food, do the grocery shopping, take care of their child which includes untold HOURS of work - all while this buffoon lays on the couch watching Dukes of Hazzard. Oh, and she's ALSO espected to work a full time job AND a part time job on TOP of all of this. Because the lazy loser can't put forth any more effort than he already is.

 

And she's shallow??? Are you freakin' KIDDING me???

 

How can you even RESPECT such a lowlife who wants the woman to do EVERYTHING - including birthing his children - and working TWO jobs to support them? What the hell does this jerkoff bring to the table?

 

NOTHING. That's what.

 

Sorry Broadway, you couldn't have possibly picked a worse candidate to be the sperm donor of your child. You'll be chasing this waste of a sperm cell for the next 20 years for child support.

[MichelleS1983]

To me that doesn't sound like a guy who is not willing to work, but more a guy who's very afraid of failing.

Yeah, and I guess he's afraid of 'failing' at bringing out the garbage too, right?

 

Broadway said he can't even do THAT around the house. But yeah, that must be it. It's his deep-rooted fear of failure.

 

And his fear of 'failure' even includes INSISTING that Broadway get a 2nd job after she gives birth to his kid - while he CONTINUES to not do a damned thing at home ... because he's SO taxed after putting in that 36 hours a week at his job.

 

You call it "fear of failure" - I call it what it is - LAZY.

[BentSpine]

The present situation that changed was the economy...You know how a bunch of businesses are shutting down and cutting jobs?

This is going nowhere. Look, the economy went bust september 7. In january-february the recession was obvious and by that time you had to decide whether to abort or not. You chose to keep it nevertheless and now you whine you're in financial difficulties because your "lazy" partner isn't going out landing that job 200 other people are applying for. I don't think it's fair to only blame your partner.

 

Thanks to the people in this thread that didn't judge me and offered suggestions and support.

No one wants to be judged, not even your partner.

 

And I did offer suggestions. Good luck.

[cappygirl26]

You call it "fear of failure" - I call it what it is - LAZY.

 

Okay fair enough, he might be lazy in some areas, but her problem is not around the house because she's been with enough of a time to know that is who he is. And stayed in the relationship. So that's clearly not that big of an issue to her. The crux of the problem, from what I'm understanding, is she wants him to be more ambitious with work (which he at one point was but now seems to have changed) now that she's going to be raising a kid, and I was trying to help her with that.

 

Not to mention that we're getting HER side of the story only here, so of course it will be very one sided. This guy isn't just a lazy good-for-nothing if she's been with him his long and loves him. Maybe he's not YOUR kind of man, but that's not what we're discussing. You're not offering anything constructive on what to do with her relationship, but blaming him. What is that solving?

[donnamaybe]

She should stay or leave this guy based on how he treats her... NOT on how much money he makes. Does that make any sense?

 

She IS basing this on how he treats her and their relationship.

 

OP: "Honey, we're having a baby. I already work full time, but we're just not making enough money together for this baby, and you are only working 36 hours a week."

 

BF: "Wah, wah, wah! I don't WANNA work longer than 36 hours a week, so YOU get another job! I want to enjoy life, but I don't care if you enjoy it or not! I want, I want, I waaaaaaant!"

 

He sounds like my ex.

[broadway11]

Hey Glenn...Why do you just keep popping in here with your nonsense? No my boyfriend doesn't sell drugs or do anything illegal...Nice try.

 

Carhill...If you kept up with my post I explained. He didn't lose that much per hour, but his hours were cut. He was working 50 hours a week and now 36...that was the major loss of income.

 

But go ahead people..Continue to pick this all apart to support some secret agenda. :rolleyes:

 

Bentspine...Please learn to read before commenting..It's really not that difficult. Yeah I'm going to abort a child just because things go south after getting excited, telling my family, etc. Again, I don't care to hear all of your pro abortion garbage so your advice is pretty much worthless.

[broadway11]

missdependant....Thank you again for the advice. I try not to let it get to me...But I've never seen people jump on someone like this for not getting an abortion. I've never trashed someone for choosing to get one so I don't understand why all these people are jumping down my throat. Anyway I will definitely check out the link you gave me. Thank you!!

 

I don't think we are incompatible...if I did, I wouldn't have stuck it out this long. My priorities have changed a bit since getting pregnant and my number 1 goal is to provide a financially stable household for my child. My boyfriend is thinking about all the "fun stuff" once the kid gets here and just isn't thinking about the practical side of it.

 

I'm tired of repeating myself about what I expect from him. Please don't reply unless you actually read all of my post about this.

 

Cappygirl...I really appreciate your posts. I know a lot of people wouldn't stay with a man like that, and I don't blame them. I figure if this is the only major issue in our relationship and he's willing to work on it then I don't see a problem with moving forward.

[Glenn Quagmire]

Hey Glenn...Why do you just keep popping in here with your nonsense? No my boyfriend doesn't sell drugs or do anything illegal...Nice try.

 

Hey, I'm on your side here. Cahill suggested that your boyfriend can't earn any real money because he doesn't have an advanced education. I was merely providing examples of how he can.

 

And since when is running an internet company automatically "illegal"?

[broadway11]

Ok...First of all you tell me that I'm irresponsible because I got pregnant on birth control and didn't get an abortion....Then you suggest my boyfriend sells drugs? And this helps me out how?

 

Running an internet company isn't illegal. If you had simply stated that I wouldn't have said anything.

[Glenn Quagmire]

Ok...First of all you tell me that I'm irresponsible because I got pregnant on birth control and didn't get an abortion....Then you suggest my boyfriend sells drugs? And this helps me out how?

 

Running an internet company isn't illegal. If you had simply stated that I wouldn't have said anything.

 

Ok, so what does he do?

[xpaperxcutx]

Aww.. don't take Glenn too seriously, sometimes his advice can be a bit aggressive.

 

In all honesty though, broadway, I respect you for not getting an abortion. Even though my stances on abortions leans more towards liberal, I think it's important to understand that it takes alot of strength and courage to want to raise a baby. My mother had me as an unplanned pregnancy. While she was a single mother, she was willing to go through giving birth to me rather than had me aborted. The thing was, she never really raised me, and sometimes I did resent her for the neglect. But she was trying to hold down a waitressing job that took most of her time just to make sure that I get to live a better life. She left me with my grandmother on another continent for 7 years, and never spent a childhood birthday with me. And all those time, she stayed by herself trying to hold down a job while sending my grandmother money.

 

That's the kind of devotion a mother can have for her child.

[broadway11]

He works for a shopping company. Can't get too specific, but he works in the warehouse area....doing inventory and pulling orders, etc.

 

paper....I am totally liberal on abortion. But I don't think anyone can look at someone and say "You should have an abortion." I think it's a very personal choice and there are pros and cons to both. I figured a bunch of people would call me a shallow gold digger for starting this thread....instead I got attacked on deciding to have this baby...Guess that is what threw me for a loop. Sorry that your mom wasn't there for you I think sometimes parents forget how important their presence is in their child's life.

[paddington bear]

Oh dear this thread has all gone a bit haywire.

 

I think the suggestions on how to save money are worth bearing in mind. And while yes, a new baby is expensive in terms of getting a pram, nappies, clothes and so on, it's maybe not as expensive as when that child starts school, starts having birthday parties with other children around, wanting playstations as gifts and so on.

 

So, in one way, if you can get the initial basics cheaply or second hand, or borrowed (buggy, baby cot, steriliser etc) - a lot of people I know are doing this now, passing on their unused baby stuff to friends, who pass it back to them when they have another child, it means that you still have a couple more years before the real major expenses start, school books, new shoes for ever-growing feet and so on. Yes it would be nice to know you would be more secure starting now, but if you allow yourself to also think that there is still some time before it hits crisis point, then it might allieviate some of the stress you're feeling right now.

 

In terms of your boyfriends current attitude, there is not much you can do other than to either make that horrible decision to draw the line now, and suffer the stress and consequences of a breakup, financially, emotionally while in mid-pregnancy. Or wait out the duration of the pregnancy and see if his attitude changes when he is faced with the actual reality that he is a father. While excited about it, it could be that it's still a somewhat abstract concept to him and that the realisation that he's a father won't actually hit him until he holds his baby in his arms.

 

Since he was working a 50 hour week and now is working a 36 hour week, perhaps his attitude comes from thinking, oh good, that job was killing me, I deserve a little break from such a long working week and I don't want to be pushed back into that tiring situation by someone else, I'll do it when I'm good and ready - it's frustrating and annoying and honestly, not really helpful and supportive of you, but it could be that he will naturally, on the birth of his child realise that his 'break time' is over and that it's back to the grind.

[sb129]

Broadway, picked up this thread from the rant thread.

 

I am 20 weeks pregnant, and I really feel for you. (PS I fell pregnant exactly 10 days after stopping the pill btw, so defied that little tidbit of info earlier in the thread).

 

There are people on this thread who don't seem to appreciate how difficult it is to actually BE pregnant and hold down a full time job, let alone have a new baby.

I can't believe you are even contemplating going back to work the week after you give birth- I am taking three months off work and I am getting flamed because even that isn't enough time off by the standards of people where I live.

 

I am only taking three months off because I am the main breadwinner, and we can't afford for me to take longer... BUT my H is prepared to take his share of time off to stay at home with the baby, and he is being really great about the whole thing.

 

We worked out that we are going to need to spend about $3000 (hopefully less because am looking around at secondhand stuff too) to buy all the stuff we need for the baby and thats not counting maternity clothes etc. We have been planning and saving and budgeting ever since my test was confirmed. We are both doing without so that we can plan for our baby.

 

 

Your fiance isn't stepping up to the plate. He doesn't appreciate how you are feeling AT ALL.

He obviously has no idea how much your life is going to change after the baby arrives. What if you need an emergency caesarean? You will BOTH have to take 6 weeks off work- you won't be able to do anything afterwards and he will have to take time off to help you look after the baby.

 

I would suggest you drag him along to pre-natal class so that he starts to get some clues about whats going to happen to you and your lives when the baby arrives. Let him hear the opinions of other mothers and fathers to be.

 

If he won't, start leaving pregnancy books (with their helpful, often patronising advice aimed at the dads) lying around. or youtube birthing videos.

 

 

Its HIS child too..... and he needs to get with the programme. FAST.

 

Otherwise I would say you are probably better off on your own.

[blind_otter]

broadway -

 

First off I will not criticize your choice to have this baby. No one has the right to judge you but you and God.

 

I have a 10.5 month old son, and I quit my job about 6 weeks after he was born. Mainly because let me tell you this - you can plan all you want to, but rest assured that 90% of those plans will fly out the window once you hold your baby for the first time.

 

I have become good friends with another SAHM whose baby was born the same day my son was, she was still at the birth center when I got there to deliver my son. We were just talking today about how people don't really know how little money they actually need to live on and enjoy life - until they are forced to do so due to circumstances or personal choice. It shocks me that some people consider cable or satellite TV to be essential.

 

In any event, don't count on your partner changing drastically when the baby is born. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

 

Have you sat down and thought about daycare expenses? If you figure it, it may be better to have your partner stay home to take care of the baby - daycare for newborns is insanely expensive because they require so much and such constant care. Once they get to be one year old the expense of daycare goes down considerably.

 

Anyways, it really isn't all that expensive to have a child. I suppose if you insist on buying everything brand new and are brainwashed into thinking you need the umpteen thousand gadgets that are out there (baby wipe warmer? diaper genie? little envelopes you can swaddle your baby in when you can use a regular blanket for $15 less?) then it would be really expensive.

 

Well good luck. I know it's hard to be there trying to make tough decisions while you are pregnant, hormonal, and generally out of whack. I remember that there are times when you feel so overwhelmed you don't know what to do and you feel stuck.

 

Well, let me just say this....personally I am not a big fan of making big decisions while pregnant. I was plain old crazy while pregnant and completely irrational.

 

If you had PMs I would tell you to PM me...

[sb129]

I have a 10.5 month old son, and I quit my job about 6 weeks after he was born. Mainly because let me tell you this - you can plan all you want to, but rest assured that 90% of those plans will fly out the window once you hold your baby for the first time.

Well good luck. I know it's hard to be there trying to make tough decisions while you are pregnant, hormonal, and generally out of whack. I remember that there are times when you feel so overwhelmed you don't know what to do and you feel stuck.

 

Well, let me just say this....personally I am not a big fan of making big decisions while pregnant. I was plain old crazy while pregnant and completely irrational.

 

Totally agree with all of this-

 

and also wanted to add

 

People all over the world in all kinds of circumstances with all kinds of budgets manage to have babies successfully every day.

 

You will be OK, because you have to be, your baby is relying on you!

 

Good luck with everything, and please keep us posted, there are some posters on here who do care and will be interested to see how you get on.

[Cherished]

Ok possibly but she has not miscarried.

 

That's fantastic advice. Ignore my doctor and use Google

 

We were told about the variable time it takes for ovulation to return and also the possible effects increased estrogen can have (potential miscarriage).

 

I'm not going to ignore that because Jimmy2Tone on the SexERup.com message boards insists birth control is a good way to ensure a safe pregnancy.

 

incidentally, I DID Google it and I was right. It typically takes 4-6 weeks for regular periods to return and .... http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Can_the_birth_control_pill_cause_a_miscarriage

 

Look at the contradictory answers on that page from your wonderful internet resource.

[sb129]

And re: cost- thanks B-O- I agree that you don't need to buy everything new, and you can definitely get carried away with all the stuff that is out there.

 

We have made a list and keep paring it down before we actually go shopping. Haven't actually bought anything yet.

Some stuff can wait till after the baby is born, and you are right, we need to prepare for the possibility that maybe I won't go back to work after all.

 

All good food for thought.

[xpaperxcutx]

I find some advices ridiculous, asking the husband to stay home and take care of the baby. I think it would be more beneficial if the husband was the one working two jobs and the wife stays home. Sure we're still talking equality, it's I don't believe in a woman supporting a man. It's like trying to raise a grown baby. Now who wants that?

[carhill]

God forbid that gay men might try to raise a child. The horrors

 

The OP wants her man to shoulder his traditional role as breadwinner and father. Nothing antiquated about that. Whether he will or not remains to be seen.

 

I'm glad B_O chimed in. I remember her postings whilst pregnant well. Good advice.

[sb129]

I find some advices ridiculous, asking the husband to stay home and take care of the baby. I think it would be more beneficial if the husband was the one working two jobs and the wife stays home. Sure we're still talking equality, it's I don't believe in a woman supporting a man. It's like trying to raise a grown baby. Now who wants that?

 

I find the above statement ridiculous.

Many women support men- its not like trying to raise a grown baby, many men actually pull their weight around their home and contribute far more than finances.

 

I make twice as much money as my husband.

 

For him to catch up to that income level, he would have to take on a second job- he is already in one demanding professional job.

Where are the benefits of him working a second job he would hate that would keep him away from home even longer?

 

I think its totally fine for a woman to go back to work and for the dad to stay at home- if thats what works for them. I don't think the woman should go back to work 1 week after the birth and take on a second job to boot though!

 

My husband (if this is what we choose to do, and the jury is still out) will be a fabulous stay at home dad. He is more than capable, and I could rely on him to look after the baby and "keep house" nearly as well as I could. (I say nearly because I am slightly more anal about cleaning as some of you know)

 

Its not about equality- its about finding out what works for you as a family unit.

 

If you find that ridiculous, thats fine- we're happy and working through it quite well thanks.

 

Anyway this thread isn't about ME, its about Broadway- and she is perfectly entitled to expect her fiance to at the very least try to work through things with her and to reach some compromises and for her to feel that he is at least taking her feelings and concerns on board.