Sigh......

[His_Other_Women]

My initial post was a few days ago. It was about his wife finding out and how he freaked and how he became very angry and verbally abusive to ME. Any time I expressed my own pain in the situation he would get really angry and say this isn't about YOU.....YOUR NOT the one with the spouse that knows and who's life if falling apart. He told me to shut up and told me I was a liar???? (not sure what he was refering to here), etc.

 

Anyway.....before we ever got THERE...... we were speaking. His wife found out on a Friday night.....he left for out of town for 5 days for work Saturday morning. Wife would talk to him and without him being home they werent really having to deal with it. While he was away after the W found out he and I stayed in touch....he was using me as his support, which was FINE. He said he didnt want to leave me but wasnt sure what was going to happen. I fully expected him to have to leave me....but I also expected him to do it kindly and even possibly remain friends through it all. He asked me if we could continue to be friends and I said yes. We never had a physical relationship and he lives STATES away.

 

So he gets home and Wife leaves house. They have a sit down pow wow with a friend couple that want to help them work it out....she sit's for 10 minutes and says she is taking their daughter out of town for the long weekend and will be home Monday.....she has an appt with the Priest Tuesday (today). So AGAIN......he really hasnt had the chance to work on things with her. I think she really needed some time. For all I know he's done this before and she's over it. The replies to my first post here were very kind and helpful by the way.....Thank You. This is just sorta a re-cap with my questions/current stuff at the bottom.

 

Friday night.....wife is still gone..... is when he and I have our words on Yahoo IM....he tells me to shut up.....etc. That was when he was so mean about it all. I walked away scratching my head thinking......huh????? What the F*** just happened here????

 

Still til now (Tuesday morning) I havent heard from him. He deleted his yahoo email acct. because I sent him an email trying to be kind but it came back to me. The thing is, that he told his wife that the only way he'd give her my name and number (which she doesnt know my real name from the email she read and I TOLD him I'd talk to her if he needed me to and explain it was never a physical thing and more of an emotional support relationship) is if she went to counseling with him. So now that she's supposed to be back in the house, unless something has happened that I don't know about since I havent spoken to him in 4 days, it's time to start getting down to the working it out part. So IF she decides that she DOES want to talk to me......wouldnt you think that he would have wanted to stay on my GOOD side? Don't you THINK that he would have wanted to make sure that I was on HIS SIDE and kept all the sexual stuff out of what I tell her (if I ever talked to her) and about how it was so much more then just "being a friend"? I mean if it was me.....I'd want to know he was ok with things and he and I were both on the same page still. Not wondering if he was pissed at me because I was a bitch to him and wondered what I could potentially tell his wife right???? It just seems odd to me that he would walk away from me on such bad terms when ultimatly he MAY NEED me to back him up at some point if she ever decides she wants to talk to this OW.

 

A friend of mine told him that once in therapy the therapist would advice her against speaking to me anyway because they need to work on THEM and not focus on ME (thus the "I'll give you her name and number if you go to therapy with me) , which is cool and I"m not especially interested in talking to her really at all. BUT...... I just find it odd that he would cut off so coldly the person that he may need to "Back Up" what he told her about our relationship is all. For all he knows he may have pissed me off so much I could send his wife a letter telling her just what all we really were to each other. Seems like a stupid move on his part is all. And now that his wife is "supposed" to be home. Well....... I just find his actions very stupid in my opinion. Maybe I'm more calculating then he is and he wont even really realize any of this.

 

Thing is....... he deleted his email account and the new one I was using for him to contact me through after his wife found out he hadnt memorized yet because one day he txt my girlfriend to tell her to have me email him so he had my address. I have an OLD yahoo account which was the original one we used that IS still active but I don't know if he knows that it's still active or not so he may not try to reach me there. He told my friend not to txt him because he didnt want her number showing up on his bill anymore either for the wife to see. He also deleted our numbers from his phone etc. So unless he wrote all that stuff down somewhere......I'm not really sure if he could reach me even if he wanted to. I imagine he could if he REALLY wanted to. Depends on how smart he is and he's not stupid.

 

I'm just curious I guess for the most part. She said she'd be home Monday (yesterday) but that could have been last night for all I know so today "real life" begins for them and dealing with this affair that she discovered. Not sure if he's supposed to go to the Priest with her or not this morning. I know his work schedule is really tight but if he really wanted to work his marriage out he should re-arrange his schedule. Basically I'm wondering if I'm going to hear from him at all mostly now that she's home and questions MAY start flying. I work only 2 days a week helping out at the office I used to work at b4 I became a Stay At Home Mom.....he knows I work Tuesday and Thursdays. Wondering if he will call me at work today from his office so it won't be on his phone (if he kept the #). If he's cooled down and ifI should even talk to him at all if he does call.

 

I'm not really MISSING him so much, which is a good thing. I'm just curious I guess and actually......I'm glad it's over. Especially after seeing his true colors and his verbal abuse. I don't want to think that I was just one of many of these affairs that he has had..... I can choose to think he does this or choose to think he was sincere. I choose to think he was sincere about me being his first......but he wasnt so truthful about WHO he was or at least we had not been in a place yet where his true colores had come out. Now that I see them.....they are not colors I like or will allow into my life. I will not be talked to as he spoke to me.....just won't happen.

 

As glad as I am that he is gone.....I still miss him at times. I've discovered that I can't listen to the radio right now because all the songs remind me of him.

 

Sooooooo..............now that real life has set in for him since his wife is home, IF he contacts me because he needs me on his side to back him up, should I speak to him or just let him sweat it out? I wouldnt tell her what we really were regardless......I don't want to hurt HER anymore then she already is...... but I might let him sweat it out and let him just wonder what I may or may not do. I know that's probably wrong but he didnt have to be such an ass either.

[cabarc1]

Look, it's a little hard to have sympathy for you here! I mean we are talking about a married man. I know he told you that she is evil, but seriously if she was that bad and you are that great, then i would imagine he'd let her go. I know it's not that easy but u were right, he showed you his true colors!!

 

I think he sounds like a worthless piece of crap for using you like that and then treating u so badly. Screw him, don't even give him the chance to explain. Ignore any of his calls. You don't want a relationship like that, u deserve better! Don't feel sorry for him or anything because he got himself into his own mess!

[His_Other_Women]

Look, it's a little hard to have sympathy for you here! I mean we are talking about a married man. I know he told you that she is evil, but seriously if she was that bad and you are that great, then i would imagine he'd let her go. I know it's not that easy but u were right, he showed you his true colors!!

 

I think he sounds like a worthless piece of crap for using you like that and then treating u so badly. Screw him, don't even give him the chance to explain. Ignore any of his calls. You don't want a relationship like that, u deserve better! Don't feel sorry for him or anything because he got himself into his own mess!

 

Your right and I am glad he's gone. Silence speaks volumes and he's telling me a heck of a lot by just going MIA. I'm done with him and I hope his wife makes his life a living hell......JERK !!!