samboy01 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I have a co-worker that I like, and I've felt that he's gay. We always talk, he always approaches me (just like I do) and I feel that he likes me. Sometimes he's hesitant to look at me in the eyes, kind of nervous. Whenever we plan to do something together he backs out the last minute. He never calls but tells me to call, but then he backs up from any plans. I really feel that he's having trouble accepting this and he's scared, so he kind of ends up choking or avoiding it. So far all I showed is interest to get to know him in order to eventually bring up the subject but I can't even plan to do something with him. Is there something I can do? Should I be direct with him the next time I see him, mention that i'm gay (in words) that way it's brought up and maybe he can open up? or should I just stop pursuing him because he's not ready?
neowulf Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I have a co-worker that I like, and I've felt that he's gay. We always talk, he always approaches me (just like I do) and I feel that he likes me. Sometimes he's hesitant to look at me in the eyes, kind of nervous. Whenever we plan to do something together he backs out the last minute. He never calls but tells me to call, but then he backs up from any plans. I really feel that he's having trouble accepting this and he's scared, so he kind of ends up choking or avoiding it. So far all I showed is interest to get to know him in order to eventually bring up the subject but I can't even plan to do something with him. Is there something I can do? Should I be direct with him the next time I see him, mention that i'm gay (in words) that way it's brought up and maybe he can open up? or should I just stop pursuing him because he's not ready? Ok, speaking from a personal experience here, you are seriously better off walking away. I had a gay co-worker/friend develop a *massive* crush on me and no matter *what* I did, he wouldn't accept that I was straight. That ended badly, with him getting pretty badly hurt emotionally. The other explanation I can come up with for his behavior is that he's figured out that you're crushing on him and it's making him uncomfortable. Rather than face it head on, he's trying to act like nothing going on in the hopes it'll resolve itself. This is exactly the behavior I used to try and diffuse my own situation (it failed). Even if you're right and he is gay, he's going to be too busy struggling with it to contemplate actually having a serious relationship with you (providing that's what you're looking for of course...). Of course if you're looking for a more certain result, you can always confront him directly about it. Just be willing to accept an answer you may not want to hear.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 You could mention a guy you dated or an xbf. Then at least he'd be certain that YOU are. Beyond that, I say do not pursue this guy. You never really know until they say something for sure. And you can't force somebody out of the closet.
calazhage Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Dude, he is probably not gay and you are making him uncomfortable. Be careful, not everyone is comfortable being hit on by men at work...
Author samboy01 Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 But he does not avoid me, he still always comes and talks to me and sits down with me. It's like he's not 100% confortable yet, but I can feel that he's interested but not ready. But I wish I can make him ready. Ugh, anyway I guess I'll back away and hope that he will make a move on his own because I'm tired. Maybe if I ignore him just a little bit, he will kind of feel pressured and make a move because he'll feel that I'm giving up. But if I felt that he doesn't want nothing out of me and is avoiding me, I'd back off and forget him, but I feel that he's interested but too afraid and not ready yet to come out.
Recommended Posts