JackhammerGemma Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Why is NC so hard, when it's a person who has sucked the life out of you..hurt you..lied, stomped all over you repeatedly because you let them. WHY would I want to even say Hello to this person? And yet, I find myself unable to accept that I have to stop talking to him if I want him to stop poisoning me. I have talked to him every single day at least once, if only by text, since we were together and after we broke up last year. I have heard all the advice-keep busy, talk to friends, read, make art, go out, etc. I have been trying-I went out every day of this holiday weekend, talk to friends a lot. I try to read but can't concentrate. I watch movies at home to try to distract myself. Doesn't really work. I wish thought diversion were an option. But I don't know how to turn my brain off. I don't know how to stop being angry and thinking about it and replaying all the ugliness and hurt. When I start thinking of other things to get my mind off it I end up going back to the same thing a couple minutes later. I hate going to sleep now, even napping, because when I wake up it's the first thing I think about. It all comes back in a mad, hurtful rush. And I hate it. I find myself wishing I could erase him from my memory like in that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. People say I should learn from the experience and move on. Why is that advice so easy to give and so hard to take? Fine, I won't date any more alcoholics. Fine, no more getting less than I give. Fine, no more making someone a priority when I'm only their option. Fine, fine, fine. I will do better next time. How about can I get over what I'm going through now? I swear, I have no patience for this isht.
Meaplus3 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 You need to accept that it's over and let go. I know that is easier said then done. But some where deep inside yourself lies the power to move past this.. you just need to find that power, have faith in it and use it to your best advantage. You will be just fine. Mea:)
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