dsm2m2 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 To sum up my story, ex girlfriend broke up with me after 2 years a few months back because she wasn't "feeling it" anymore. After begging and pleading and her starting to date other people, I decided no contact. Fast forward over a month later. The other night I went to a party with some old friends that were home from college for the summer, and my ex showed up about an hour after we did. It really caught me off guard because I haven't seen nor talked to her in over a month. She tried texting me a few times early on during NC but I just ignored them and she finally stopped sending me messages. We pretty much ignored each other for the first few hours until everyone started to get a little drunk. Basically we ended up talking and flirting alot but nothing more than that. Since that night she has been texting me again just telling me random things, or asking random questions, or telling me something funny about what she was doing. I have not responded to any of them because we haven't talked in over a month and I am not so sure what her intentions are. I would be lying if I said a part of me wouldn't want to work things out. But the other part of me keeps thinking about how she strung me along for 2 months after we broke up giving me false hope. After seeing her at this party it has occurred to me that I am still not able to just be friends with this girl. It has to be all or nothing. Her last text asked me why I was ignoring her after we had such a good time the other night? Anyone have any thoughts on if I should reply?
westrock Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I would be lying if I said a part of me wouldn't want to work things out By "work things out", I assume you mean restart a relationship with her? If so, how do you expect to work things out if you keep ignoring her texts? If you want to work things out with her, then engage in conversation with her, don't keep ignoring her. She is trying to reach out to you, and you just ignore her many texts. If you keep ignoring her attempts, she will eventually give up thinking you don't want to work things out - which sounds like is the opposite to what you want.
TaraMaiden Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I would reply by asking her: "If I stop ignoring you does this mean we still have a chance of getting back together? Yes or no?" If she says "No" then reply: "And that is why I am ignoring you". If on the other hand, she replies "yes".....then the next move is in your court.
CaliGuy Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I would reply by asking her: "If I stop ignoring you does this mean we still have a chance of getting back together? Yes or no?" If she says "No" then reply: "And that is why I am ignoring you". If on the other hand, she replies "yes".....then the next move is in your court. Nah. I'd just continue to ignore her
playlislay Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Nah. I'd just continue to ignore her CaliGuy, Ive read LOADS of your posts and I have to say that you are very contrasting in comparison to most. You seem to thriv on NC, even if you want to be with someone. For example, I recall some ex 'banging on your door' (?) and you saying that she will have to try harder if she wants anything to do with you. You gave the impression that she had been on like this for a while. Well, if I was that woman I would have bloody given up. Its give and take you know. You just like to make life harder for eveyone, dont you If you wanted this ex then you would have engaged in some sort of convo (not that Ive followed the story completely, but Im on a rant o let me be, lol!) and NOT given the vibe that you wasnt interested. My ex, who would have thought to the death to win me back, and I split up in Dec (loooong story) and I tried the whole begging etc. I tried to get him a gift that would mean alot to him/us, I tried giving him space and got myself into counselling (the stable woman that I am :OP ) just to prove how much 'us' meant to me. After many attempts he basically said that it didnt matter what I said, it wasnt going to change his mind. Now. If he was anything like you, then surely he may have wanted me to try harder (actions over words etc), but he gave me the impression that I should just give up. So I did. I loved that man to funking pieces and I know he felt the same-pure, sweet love. I guess what Im trying to say here is that it is all well and good expecting more from someone if they really want to be with them, but if you are giving the impression that you dont give two funks about them then they are bound to give up. No one wants to feel like a pest, or constantly be rejected. I guess thats your prime-time to say 'see, if she wanted me that much then she would have continued to try and win me back' -akward git. Well Mr, that would be HER prime-time to say 'Ive tried and tried yet he doesnt want to know, he obviously didnt love me as much as I thought'. Wow, Im glad Ive got THAT mini rant over. Feel free to reply, ha ha ha!!
CaliGuy Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 CaliGuy, Ive read LOADS of your posts and I have to say that you are very contrasting in comparison to most. You seem to thriv on NC, even if you want to be with someone. I know what's good for healing and, knowing that most of the time exs only contact you for self-validation, I see no reason to delay one's healing process unnecessarily. For example, I recall some ex 'banging on your door' (?) and you saying that she will have to try harder if she wants anything to do with you. You gave the impression that she had been on like this for a while. Well, if I was that woman I would have bloody given up. Its give and take you know. Totally agree. The issue with the ex was that she WAS NOT banging on my door. She was peeking though the crack of the door while still with her current b/f (though I don't know if they are still officially a couple). She doesn't want to be with me, she just wanted validation while he was treating her like crap. When he's back to being nice to her she doesn't want anything to do with me. You just like to make life harder for eveyone, dont you If you wanted this ex then you would have engaged in some sort of convo (not that Ive followed the story completely, but Im on a rant o let me be, lol!) and NOT given the vibe that you wasnt interested. Nah, I just want people to be sensible when it comes to exs. If they really loved you they wouldn't have dumped you in the first place. They would have worked things out. I've always looked at it this way: "If you'd take me for granted now and leave, you'd do it again..." My ex, who would have thought to the death to win me back, and I split up in Dec (loooong story) and I tried the whole begging etc. I tried to get him a gift that would mean alot to him/us, I tried giving him space and got myself into counselling (the stable woman that I am :OP ) just to prove how much 'us' meant to me. After many attempts he basically said that it didnt matter what I said, it wasnt going to change his mind. That's pretty flat cut and dry.... Now. If he was anything like you, then surely he may have wanted me to try harder (actions over words etc), but he gave me the impression that I should just give up. So I did. I loved that man to funking pieces and I know he felt the same-pure, sweet love. My ex knows well how I feel. When we had the discussion about her and him breaking up all she did was whine to me about him, tell me I was right (but she wanted me to be wrong). I offered my phone number. Her purse was right there. She said "I don't have my phone with me..." She doesn't want my number...and I don't need a baseball bat to the head to see that her heart is set on HIM not me. If it was she would have left this guy a long time ago given all the bullcrap he's done to her (based on her words). I guess what Im trying to say here is that it is all well and good expecting more from someone if they really want to be with them, but if you are giving the impression that you dont give two funks about them then they are bound to give up. No one wants to feel like a pest, or constantly be rejected. Right but you have the situation reversed. I'm the one who has been rejected more than once by her, not the other way around. Initially yes, I said nothing to her for like 5 months. She only came to me for validation, not because she wanted me. There's a big difference. I guess thats your prime-time to say 'see, if she wanted me that much then she would have continued to try and win me back' -akward git. Well Mr, that would be HER prime-time to say 'Ive tried and tried yet he doesnt want to know, he obviously didnt love me as much as I thought'. Wow, Im glad Ive got THAT mini rant over. Feel free to reply, ha ha ha!! I can see where you are coming from unless you are sitting in my shoes it's hard to see the forest through the trees. There's more to what's going on with my ex than meets the eye. She has made it clear that she wants him and she wants it to work out with him. She talks about him constantly to coworkers. If she wanted me, she'd tell me. She has only poked at me a little and when I let her know the possibility MIGHT still exist, she disappears again for months. She isn't beating down my door and never has. Like I said, she peeks through the crack of the door occasionally but it's clear that it's only for self-validation and nothing more. I'd rather she be hot or cold than lukewarm. Wishy-washy people who don't know what they want? I don't have time for that crap in my life.
Author dsm2m2 Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 Well I decided to respond after she texted me again last night. Just some light conversation. I kept my messages short and didn't really ask to many questions, yet she continued to talk to me about random stuff and ask me things. I ended the convo after a few minutes and went to bed. Shes been doing the same thing today. I feel like i'm looking waaay to much into this haha. I guess there is just a little excitement after I haven't talked to her in over a month and kind of made myself forget about her as best as I could.
lovelinefan Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I think, if you are going to be conversing with her, you need to be VERY straightforward, and ask her exactly what her intentions are. If she isn't sure, then you don't want to be talking to her. If you aren't willing to ask, then you don't want to be talking to her. If she says she wants to try again, then you need to know.
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Well, she's lining you up as a friend, by the sound of it. She is under the assumption that you are over her, things are ok and that you can now move to the friend category. if you are happy with this, then fine. Continue as you wish. But women like security. They like to feel they can have smooth untroubled waters and they can rely on you to always be supportive in case they need you. She's happy to have you in the friend-buffer zone, but I suspect a renewal of your relationship is way out of the picture. Now, I may be right, I may not be right. There is only one way to find out. Ask her. Ask her if you two - as you seem to be getting along so well - can hit it off again...How about it? And prepare yourself to be friend-zoned.
mark982 Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 like lovelinefan said, man-up and straight up ask her what her intentions are. friendship,possible relationship,after she answers that THEN you can deside what YOU want to do next.
Soul Bear Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 PLAYLISLAY-- you took the words right out of my mouth!!
Author dsm2m2 Posted May 30, 2009 Author Posted May 30, 2009 Well I never got around to straight up asking her. We haven't talked in three days. One of the last times we talked she kept asking me questions about whether or not I have been hooking up with other girls since we have broken up? I have been with one girl since the break, but I also know she has hooked up with at least 1 guy that I know of, but if there is more I do not want to even know. I pretty much told her that what we have done while broken up is not a conversation I want to have. She wasn't satisfied with that and kept pushing the subject so I finally told her it was none of her business and she stopped responding the rest of the day/night. The next day she asked me to hang out but I already had plans for the night and told her that I couldn't. She just said ok and didn't ask if we could hang out another night. I haven't heard from her since.
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Trust me - that's a good thing. if she contacts you again, ignore her.
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