lora22 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Those are still excuses. If he felt like you didn't love him, he should've talked to you about it and worked that issue out, not cheat on you. When (IF) he tells you the reason he cheated on you, it will sound something like this: "I doodled another girl because I am insecure, immature, and don't know how to deal with a real relationship" or "I effed another girl because she was hot, I wanted to, and I don't care about your feelings" ....you get the idea. At least, I hope you do.
Author Lisagirly Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 Those are still excuses. If he felt like you didn't love him, he should've talked to you about it and worked that issue out, not cheat on you. When (IF) he tells you the reason he cheated on you, it will sound something like this: "I doodled another girl because I am insecure, immature, and don't know how to deal with a real relationship" or "I effed another girl because she was hot, I wanted to, and I don't care about your feelings" ....you get the idea. At least, I hope you do. I know right, in the end no matter how much he apologized and reaffirmed me that he woudn't ever do it again, it made me even more angry. Then I used to wonder if had I not found out on my own with all the little pieces of evidence I had, then would he have told me later on? And did he continue cheating more, before I found out or was it 3 times as he claims? Lastly was he only sorry because I caught him on the lies that he had no choice but to confess or was it true remorse afterall?
lora22 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Wanna know how I know he didn't feel bad about cheating on you? He did it more than once.
Mimolicious Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Comes down to morality. Are you going to sleep better?
lostsunsets Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I guess you're not reading your other post. So I posted it here. Lisagirly, The fact is that just like being a virgin, you can only lose it once. You are a cheater now. It doesn't matter what you do in the future, you are a cheater, and you will always be someone who is able to cheat. I ask you this. When you meet that one special guy in the future, and he asks you if you ever cheated, what will you say. Most likely you will lie so you don't lose them, maybe you will take the risk and tell them. The point is in all future relationships you will either lie or make them worry that you will cheat again. So how is that a basis for a loving truthful relationship? You may think you have gotten revenge on your boyfriend, what you have done is put a kink in any future relationship you may have. You have proven how you deal with a betrayal by someone else. By becoming a betrayer. I am so sorry to hear that you are OK with this. Especially the fact that you waited 8 months to do it. The initial shock was over, but you had to debase yourself with his cousin to be able to say "I got you back". What you did was lower yourself. I will take a line from a movie I once saw. "Honor is a gift a man/woman gives to himself/herself". Just how did you honor yourself in this situation?
True2form Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Sheesh. This is like judgemental-ville. Everyone here has a point, lisa, but to be honest, is it all these golden-hearted ne'er do wrongs you wanna hear from? No...it makes me sick...makes me wanna cheat even more when people preach at me from their perfect relationships...or ever worse, their perfect idealism of relationships they've never been in just watched on friggin teen movies. i've been a cheat in the past, and I'm sure everyone will hate me for saying this, the guy never even cheated on me. In fact, the guys I've cheated on are the only ones who have never turned around and cheated on me. But you know what they did do, neglect me and make me feel unattractive, so i went and cheated. And it did make me feel better. **** it, I'm not married, these are the best years of my life. Why on earth would you have cake and not eat it? Haha...ok I'm not actually this awful in real life, but I feel bad for you that you've been trampled upon by the justice squad. You've done what you've done, if you don't feel bad then good for you. I think the only reason people admit to cheating is because they're fuc-king bored and want to cause drama or break up.
lora22 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 It has nothing to do with having perfect relationships, or not making mistakes, or whatever that "goldenhearted" crap was you said. It's about respect for yourself and for other people.
lostsunsets Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 You're not married. Please consider not marrying. You want real world. Relationships are work. Sometimes you feel neglected. Sometimes you're bored. Sometimes you're horny and the other person is not. The advice given is to try to effect a change in the persons future actions. You cheat because you're lazy in your relationships. You have a shallow level of commitment. This may work for you. But for someone, who has the expectation of settling down with one man/woman your view is poison. You are the friend who tells a young married who is struggling with a crush on an OM, that they should just do it and not sweat it. Even if it means the destruction of a marriage AND pain to both spouses. You have no investment in any relationship in your own life. So you can't understand what it means to be faithful or the necessity of it in someone else. Good luck with that.
lkjh Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Why do you ask for advice if you don't take it. I know you want to believe that your bf won't find out that you had sex with his cousin 3 times but he will. I read in your last post that whats get you mad is the fact that if he didn't tell you, you wouldn't know yet you are doing the same thing but with his family. Look either break up with him or tell him. If you want your relationship to last tell him. Otherwise be ready for a bumpy ride because he may not find out now but one day he will. It will suck ten time worse for everyone if he finds out 5 years down the road. Or even worse what if you two have children one day and then he finds out, HE WILL HATE YOU. You will instantly be the bad guy and his cheating won't even be in question
amaysngrace Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Time out. This poor girl is hurt by her boyfriend. She retaliated by cheating back. Yes it's been eight months but that is eight months to brew about it. She was just with a virgin so that makes me think she is young. She may not have developed her EQ yet. The E stands for emotional. Her boyfriend blames his cheating on her. He's a creep but she probably loves him. Remember your first love? Remember how charged up about that person you use to get? Anyway life is a learning experience. Just because you have lived longer and got to learn more doesn't mean that everyone else has. You don't need to come down hard on her for making a mistake if you see it that way. Life is full of mistakes. Hopefully we learn from them. That's how we get to be smart when we're older. But it's nobody's business giving the lesson. You had yours and now it's her turn.
lora22 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Time out. This poor girl is hurt by her boyfriend. She retaliated by cheating back. Yes it's been eight months but that is eight months to brew about it. She was just with a virgin so that makes me think she is young. She may not have developed her EQ yet. The E stands for emotional. Her boyfriend blames his cheating on her. He's a creep but she probably loves him. Remember your first love? Remember how charged up about that person you use to get? Anyway life is a learning experience. Just because you have lived longer and got to learn more doesn't mean that everyone else has. You don't need to come down hard on her for making a mistake if you see it that way. Life is full of mistakes. Hopefully we learn from them. That's how we get to be smart when we're older. But it's nobody's business giving the lesson. You had yours and now it's her turn. Touche, well said. My issue really, had more to do with letting her bf treat her that way...blaming her for his actions. I hope she has someone in her life teaching her about respect, self respect, and so on.
lkjh Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Time out. This poor girl is hurt by her boyfriend. She retaliated by cheating back. Yes it's been eight months but that is eight months to brew about it. She was just with a virgin so that makes me think she is young. She may not have developed her EQ yet. The E stands for emotional. Her boyfriend blames his cheating on her. He's a creep but she probably loves him. Remember your first love? Remember how charged up about that person you use to get? Anyway life is a learning experience. Just because you have lived longer and got to learn more doesn't mean that everyone else has. You don't need to come down hard on her for making a mistake if you see it that way. Life is full of mistakes. Hopefully we learn from them. That's how we get to be smart when we're older. But it's nobody's business giving the lesson. You had yours and now it's her turn. You are kidding right? First off I' m not that old, I am 24 and I defiantly know that you don't do this. Look if she is that bent over her bf cheating then she can dump him. Second she was not the virgin, the guys cousin is. She could be 18 or 40 it doesn't make a difference. Spreading your legs is not a learning experience, its having sex. Do you really think that people in their early 20's are idiots? I didn't come down hard on her I was honest. I never said the bf was a good guy, I think she should dump him. If you read both of her threads you should be able to conclude that the main thing she is worried about is whether or not her bf will find out and yes he will. She actually used the guys virgin cousin as a tool for revenge. Do you really think holding her hand and telling her this is ok will help her in the long run? Lastly, this was not a mistake she planned it. She now has no right to call him a cheater. God forbid you tell this girl to treat herself with respect.
lkjh Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I am just laughing at the EQ thing. Like people need to be 40 years old to understand what self-respect is all about. In some countries and even in the US people are working full time and raising families at "young" ages. We send kids over seas to fight in wars and they adapt fine. The young thing is just another excuse to overlook poor decisions.
Author Lisagirly Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Alright so maybe it was revenge though I do admit his cousin was attractive too, yes did like him at the same time. It all started out with just talking, then proceeded to seeing each other more often, going on several dates and lastly me cheating. Yes it was planned, was no accidental drunken mistake. But now I will focus on my relationship. Why can't you all see it this way?? I care about fixing my relationship and I will not cheat again. I just want to forget this happened be a better girlfriend from now on.
lkjh Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I still think this is fake, if not then your bf sure picked a smart one. If this is real you can not actually believe you can build on your relationship after doing this. You cant really believe your bf wont find out
amaysngrace Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I just want to forget this happened be a better girlfriend from now on. You won't forget it happened though. I think you will use it every time your boyfriend makes you feel bad about something. You can think about cheating on him with his cousin and it's going to make you feel better. Your bf puts you down into a hole a lot when he tells you that you need to do this or change that about yourself because he says you don't deserve to be treated good just as you are. Please don't believe that. He is wrong. If you stay with him and he puts you into a hole at least you made yourself a ladder so you can climb out. I say good job.
lkjh Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 You won't forget it happened though. I think you will use it every time your boyfriend makes you feel bad about something. You can think about cheating on him with his cousin and it's going to make you feel better. Your bf puts you down into a hole a lot when he tells you that you need to do this or change that about yourself because he says you don't deserve to be treated good just as you are. Please don't believe that. He is wrong. If you stay with him and he puts you into a hole at least you made yourself a ladder so you can climb out. I say good job. You do see how you are characterizing this guy without any evidence. Can you please go through this thread and her other and tell me where you read that her boyfriend "puts her in a hole". Plus she only knows he kissed a girl. You are telling her good job for cheating with his virgin cousin. You are really messed up. Clearly you have some issue with men and you are taking it out here. I don't know what happen to you but you need to learn that not all situations are like your own. Shame on you for saying good job to this.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 You are basically secretly getting back at them. In addition aren't you face with less guilt/remorse feelings since they did it first? why are you even asking this question? You cheated in revenge and say you got your satisfaction. You already know the answer. Methinks you are asking this question just to stir the s##t.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 If he cares so little to cheat on you and you care so little to cheat on him then what kind of relationship is that? It sounds like trailer trash. ^bump exactly what I thought
Dexter Morgan Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well I'm glad you feel better then but I think you should be with someone who doesn't cheat on you. Your BF sounds like a big loser. I'm glad you did his cousin. ya, but now she has become something no decent guy would want any part of if they found out. If I hooked up with a woman that I found out cheated...much less cheated on an X with a family member....I'd be saying "adios"
Dexter Morgan Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Sheesh. This is like judgemental-ville. Everyone here has a point, lisa, but to be honest, is it all these golden-hearted ne'er do wrongs you wanna hear from? No...it makes me sick...makes me wanna cheat even more when people preach at me from their perfect relationships...or ever worse, their perfect idealism of relationships they've never been in just watched on friggin teen movies. i've been a cheat in the past, and I'm sure everyone will hate me for saying this, the guy never even cheated on me. In fact, the guys I've cheated on are the only ones who have never turned around and cheated on me. But you know what they did do, neglect me and make me feel unattractive, so i went and cheated. And it did make me feel better. **** it, I'm not married, these are the best years of my life. well do some man a favor in the future...never get married.
amaysngrace Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 You do see how you are characterizing this guy without any evidence. I do? No I see things my way you see them your own. Can you please go through this thread and her other and tell me where you read that her boyfriend "puts her in a hole". I think I explained that when I said: Your bf puts you down into a hole a lot when he tells you that you need to do this or change that about yourself because he says you don't deserve to be treated good just as you are. Plus she only knows he kissed a girl. That's what she knows? I misread that then because I thought she did the exact thing he did to her. The same amount of times too. You are telling her good job for cheating with his virgin cousin. At least you know who was the virgin. I did too although you tried to argue with me by saying this: Second she was not the virgin, the guys cousin is. I already knew that but you misread it and you messed up. You are really messed up. Clearly you have some issue with men and you are taking it out here. I do? I am? Gee thanks for your insight. I don't know what happen to you but you need to learn that not all situations are like your own. I already learned that no situation is like my own but thanks for trying to teach me something I already knew. Shame on you for saying good job to this. Shame on me huh? I still think this is fake, if not then your bf sure picked a smart one. If this is real you can not actually believe you can build on your relationship after doing this. You cant really believe your bf wont find out Questioning someone's credibility based on your own beliefs, belittling someone's intelligence and then telling the person how to think is not too cool. Healthy people don't need to put others down in order to feel better about themselves. It seems you do this repeatedly. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
True2form Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 You're not married. Please consider not marrying. You want real world. Relationships are work. Sometimes you feel neglected. Sometimes you're bored. Sometimes you're horny and the other person is not. The advice given is to try to effect a change in the persons future actions. You cheat because you're lazy in your relationships. You have a shallow level of commitment. This may work for you. But for someone, who has the expectation of settling down with one man/woman your view is poison. You are the friend who tells a young married who is struggling with a crush on an OM, that they should just do it and not sweat it. Even if it means the destruction of a marriage AND pain to both spouses. You have no investment in any relationship in your own life. So you can't understand what it means to be faithful or the necessity of it in someone else. Good luck with that. You may not beleive this but I mostly agree with the top half of what you've said. I know you're saying it in general but I'm taking it like I'm replying to it. Yes I am lazy in relationships and I'm a fake and I'm horrible. And ok, I admit I overreacted on here. I just felt like playing devil's advocate and saying the opposite to what everyone else was saying. Stir something up, create a little tension...as you may be able to tell from what I've admitted, I'm like that, that's my style. But you don't know me past that, so saying people like me sit there and tell our friends in need "Aaah he's a douche, cheat on him, it'll be hilarious" is actually highly inaccurate. I do not condone (sp?....just realised I've never written down that word before..huh...) my behaviour in anyone else, I don't encourage it either. I can handle it probably because right now I have no soul and I'm going to hell, and unfortunately I'm a total hypocrite in that I can see pros and cons and advise other people in their relationships, i know all the right things to say and all the right good points to highlight...and I'll always encourage people to save their relationships and not cheat. The cheating thing is MY problem. i probably need to go and find help for it, but the last thing you need when you come out with something like this is everyone telling you how disgusting you are, because it turns you into people like me who are told over and over again that they're a cheat and they'll never change and should do everyone a favour and never marry. Oh sweet...so I should never marry, so I'll just drift from relationship to relationship, and as my generation become more and more married/partnered up I'd still be single, but still get urges, like all human beings and then i run the risk of breaking up other people's relationships. Nice.... Let me sort out my own infidelity issues, cheeers.
lkjh Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 amaysngrace, Everyone agrees her bf sucks and she should dump him but you are acting like she did something honorable. No where in her post did she say he puts her down. You just came up with that. All she said was that she knows he kissed another girl. Encouraging her to cheat and lie is not healthy, its self-destructing. You first tried to write it off as being young, then him being a jerk, and now you can't even justify it. The girl just let some guy bang her out of revenge. You do see how she is completely lowering her self value and you think this is a good thing? If she doesn't value herself now where will she be in 10 years? Please don't use the overrated cop out of being young. Being young is not a green light to act like this. If she wants to be a 40 year old single lady with 40 previous sexual partners and no real relationships then you can say good for her. But if she wants to form good long lasting relationships and learn how do cope properly and in a healthy manner then what she did should not be encouraged.
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