shy one Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Hey any guidance would be appreciated on my situation: So I have been seeing this guy for about a month and a half. We have known each other as friends for 2 months prior to that, when he was pursuing me to give him a chance. Things have been great, we go on dates and have fun. He is affectionate (holds my hand, kisses me etc.) We have been sleeping together for a while and its all good. A few dilemmas occurred this weekend-- 1) He called me after a night out of partying and drinking to get a re-cap of what occurred. We joked around during the convo and then at the end of the convo I decided to ask him if he was also fooling around with other girls b/c I was concerned since we weren't using condoms. He replied no b.c he has me and was a bit stand offish--I believe his answer completely but am worried I may have offended him or seemed to clingy to have asked already?? Is there anything I can do ? My friends say to drop it and not discuss it unless he brings it up 2) After a month and a half was it fair for me to ask? I feel I may have given him a bad impression like now that I am clingy? He used to be a real playboy but I know his intentions are more genuine. 3)When is the average time for a guy to ask a girl to make it official? 4) He usually asks me to chill on Fridays, but I want to take initative and ask him to chill. Should I after what happened yesterday with the awkward question? What's a witty but fun way to ask him to chill this week?
cbreitel Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Just leave it alone. At some point you need to have a normal and friendly discussion about the status of your relationship though. Personally I wouldn't regularly have sex with someone without knowing that we were at least on the verge of being exclusive.
Island Girl Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Questions like this concern me. You don't know how to talk to him about something but you have sex with this person. ? You do understand that you should be able to talk to a person about just about anything if you are being sexually intimate with them. If you can't have a discussion about exclusivity and where the relationship is then you really shouldn't be having sex with that person yet.
Enema Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I think it's more likely that your questioning led him to assume you were fooling around with other people. He might be the type of guy that takes exclusivity for granted and you just filled his mind with images of foreign sausage and familiar roast beef.
Trialbyfire Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Why are you sleeping with him, without an exclusivity agreement?Why are you sleeping with him, without condoms, especially without an exclusivity agreement? Unless you're allergic to condoms, there's no excuse not to be safe.
Star Gazer Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Questions like this concern me. You don't know how to talk to him about something but you have sex with this person. ? You do understand that you should be able to talk to a person about just about anything if you are being sexually intimate with them. If you can't have a discussion about exclusivity and where the relationship is then you really shouldn't be having sex with that person yet. Seriously, I just don't get this. If you cannot have these conversations, you really shouldn't be exchanging such intimate body fluids. I mean, really.
Stark Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 As I've found out recently myself people seem to have different values upon about being exclusive Myself personally I kind of tunnel vision into someone I like and if it they give a final message they are not interested I stop trying. I never " date " so to speak, the girls I usually end up with are girls that I've spent time in real life getting to know and ended up meeting up with them solely to spent some time alone.....and if anything physical happens is usually when I consider it to be exclusive. For others, it's until you bring the exclusive talk up. For some it's when sex happens. For other people it's until they feel they just want to be exclusive and hope the other person is to, or already know. It all depends upon the person, so if you are not sure, I would ask, because otherwise a situation will occur somewhere down the line where you'll end up getting attached to a person and somehow find out that they are still open to meeting/seeing other people and they'll turn around and say " we weren't exclusive " or something like that. Personally I consider it cheating but since that excuse can be used best to make sure it can't. If you're unsure to ask just ask something along the lines of meeting up to have a discussion about where you both want the relationship to head. I still don't understand some peoples way of thinking nowadays. Surely when anything physical happens it should be a sign of exclusiveness itself unless its purely sexual itself, I don't understand why there should be any need to address it, but seems peoples moral codes are so far out of whack nowadays that stuff like this needs to arise.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Wow - I agree with so much that was said in response to your question. I 100% agree with the first 5 posts - they are a combo of what I was going to say. No, it's not clingy to ask a guy for exclusivity when he has free passage to your love canal. Especially without a freaking condom. You're both adults. If you didn't discuss exclusivity before letting him in there without a glove, then I'd say you still have every right to ask the guy who else is swapping juices with him. Like Enema said - more than likely, he was put off at the thought of YOU being with anyone else. I'd say more discussion is in order. Just to clear the air. To clarify what you meant by the question, and just to let him know you're trying to be responsible.
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