nama Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Hi guys, After a very long spell of being single I'm trying to get out there and date. However I just don't seem to like anyone. If I meet someone i think 'na, I don't like him'. I always find something wrong but I don't believe I'm trying to sabotage it. Or maybe I'm in denial!!!! Apparently I come across as very cold, and I do have barriers up. I am a reserved person. I'm an attractive woman but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I think deep down, with all the problems I've had with men I've resigned myself to always being single. When I go out on dates I get so stressed out; think have no decent clothes, I look horrible; i'm boring i will have nothing to talk about etc. I hate it!!! Can anyone relate to this??? Thanks, Nx
Jersey Shortie Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Hey, I know how you feel and stress over the same things. What will we talk about, do I look alright, all those same feelings. It's hard to find someone you really connect with. And I don't think it's a matter of it just being you. I think it's the way dating is today. The world has greatly changed.
samspade Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I'm an attractive woman but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I think deep down, with all the problems I've had with men I've resigned myself to always being single. When I go out on dates I get so stressed out; think have no decent clothes, I look horrible; i'm boring i will have nothing to talk about etc. I hate it!!! You say you're attractive but then you follow it up with a blame-men mentality, a doomed-to-be-single mentality, and an admission that you "look horrible" and are "boring." That doesn't sound very attractive to me. You need to work on your attitude. I don't care how pretty you are, you won't get very far being so negative. If you don't love yourself, no one else will.
Author nama Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 You say you're attractive but then you follow it up with a blame-men mentality, a doomed-to-be-single mentality, and an admission that you "look horrible" and are "boring." That doesn't sound very attractive to me. You need to work on your attitude. I don't care how pretty you are, you won't get very far being so negative. If you don't love yourself, no one else will. Samspade, thanks for those words. They did hit home. I do have little self-esteem when it comes to the opposite sex. I am a confident person (self-assured), but when it comes to attracting the opposite sex I have no confidence. When I meet someone new I naturally become quiet and reserved as I'm not that comfortable around new people, especially if its a date! I withdraw into my shell and find it hard to come out. Then I get paranoid that the other person thinks i'm boring etc. Urgh! Need to snap out of it.
samspade Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 You're welcome...I was hoping it didn't sound too harsh! Maybe you're just not excited about the men you're meeting. Or maybe there is another void in your life - a hobby or something like that - where you can refocus so that dating doesn't seem like such an ordeal. If you do things you truly enjoy, you will meet like-minded people and find it much easier to talk and joke with them. Think about your goals, pursuits, and interests...really think about them, write them down, and maybe sign up for a class or join a meetup group. For me - I occasionally go to Spanish language meetups (that I find online) so that I can practice my Spanish. I meet friendly girls and guys, and some of the girls are of the Latin variety which I love. Even if they're not, we already have something in common - a shared interest in foreign language.
cbreitel Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Yes. But after 2 consecutive relationship trainwrecks, I've developed the patience to wait as long as it takes. After 3 years of being single and dating during that entire time, I've only now found ONE girl that I'm potentially interested in for a long-term relationship. I'm perfectly content with that situation. The key for me was to develop a love of being single. If you are happy with yourself in a single state, the burden is high for someone to come along and persuade you to adjust your happy life for the sake of a relationship with him or her, which means you're less likely to do it for some douchebag who doesn't deserve you.
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