nino2005 Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been together 3/4 years. He was my best friend as we became close when I went through a very emotional time in my life. He was there for me and it made me realise how caring he was. I couldn't imagine anyone else being so caring in the situation we were in. As he was my friend, I never looked at him as anything more, I always saw him as my friend. He saw me as something more. He pursued it and I saw that we could be good together and we have been. But I have always known that he wanted me, and wonder sometimes if I am with him because that's what he wanted. He said I gave him signs that I liked him too, but I honestly don't think I meant to. We had a big discussion about this last night, I felt terrible and still do. We have lived together for a year but are currently studying in different areas of the country. We are about to finish and want to get a place together. The thing is, I know it sounds so selfish, but while we have been students, he has had no money. I know I am lucky as my dad has helped me out, his dad would have helped him too but his family have no idea that he is basically relying on his overdraft as he is too proud to ask for anything. I have paid for everything, he has never asked me to, but I think we would have had a very boring time if we never did anything for the whole 3/4 years. I know things are about to change as he will get a job, I have been waiting for this moment for so long, and now it is arriving, I feel as if maybe I have waited too long. He has an amazing personality, makes me laugh all the time and we get on so well. He is attractive, but it does take a lot for me to see this, if he is having one of his non shaving weeks and wearing scruffy clothes, then I find it unattractive. He says this will all change when he is in a job and has a routine. I am just bored of the situation we are in. I may sound pathetic, but it would be nice to be treated to things. He says he hates it that he can't do this, and I try not to tell him that it bothers me, but sometimes it does slip out. We are so close to the next chapter in our lives, but I can't imagine it because it will be so different to the way things are now. I can't imagine being without him, and to risk leaving him and never being happy seems too big a risk to take. Am I right to stay with him even if I am not always attracted to him?
alphamale Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I can't imagine being without him, and to risk leaving him and never being happy seems too big a risk to take. its probably time to move on, after all life is about takin' risks, innit?
amaysngrace Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Leave. If you are this resentful of the man and are only staying with him out of obligation it will only get worse. Especially if you keep piling up more and more obligations onto your relationship. (ie: marriage, children, etc.)
Els Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 If he is soon getting a job, if I were you I'd at least wait and see if that changes things. That would only be fair given the 4 years you've been together. Unless there are deeper issues than this, of course.
Author nino2005 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 Thank you Elswyth, I have come up with a solution. I am going to suggest that we both live at home in the first few months of working, we could then do what normal couples do (but what we haven't done for the majority of our relationship) and go out for meals (where I don't pay). I know it seems like I am making a fuss about paying, but I don't mind it, as if I didn't then we wouldn't do a lot. It does get boring though, I just want to be wined and dined a little! And he says he will. I am just impatient as I have waited so long. Do you think we are compatible? We get on so well, but sometimes I don't feel attracted to him.
Recommended Posts