nino2005 Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I have a friend who constantly tries to compete with me and my boyfriend. We are a group of friends and so I feel I have to put up with it as there is no way I could make the friendship faze out due to my other friends still being involved. She is a very secretive person and likes everyone to think that everything is perfect. It's a shame because it means she will never be honest with me. Any suggestions towards her competitiveness?
TaraMaiden Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 What do you mean by compete with you and your boyfriend? Do you mean she is trying to get your BF away from you? If not - what, exactly, does she do? This is a bit vague. we need a bit more information.....
Author nino2005 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 She always wants to show that her boyfriend is better, how amazing he is etc. For a while I did bite and said how amazing mine was too, but it got boring. She just wants everyone to think she has an amazing life with no problems, she can't be honest and doesn't really share anything, when surely that is waht a friendship is all about?
TaraMaiden Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 The irritation with her behaviour is your problem. That is, why let it get to you so much? Why be so perturbed by it? Ask yourself this. Does it annoy you because you believe her to be lying? Does it annoy you because it arouses a form of jealousy in you? Either way, the anger and irritation is in your response to her, it is not being produced in you by her. You are producing it. The resentment you feel and the irritation you are expressing are as a result of your own mind-workings. She is doing nothing but expressing herself. Whether it is true or not, is irrelevant. Her ego is puffing itself up. Why? Out of a lack of self-esteem? Out of too much pride? Who knows? Why care? The very best you can do is to ignore her comments, and live your life to the full. At one moment or another, her life will unfold and then people will be able to see whether the actions suit all the words. They may. They may not. Wait and see. Until then, concentrate on making your own life a success, instead of getting irritated by hers.
Trialbyfire Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 The flip-side of this is that she might actually be a positive person who really loves her b/f and sees any problems they have as negligent, therefore, doesn't need to discuss it or need advice because they've dealt with it. Friendship isn't about digging every piece of dirty laundry out of your friends. It's possible they're capable of handling their relationship, on their own. Also, does what she purports to keep secret, have any impact on you? Or are you just being nosy?
sb129 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I rarely criticise my husband or my marriage to my friends. I would rather solve any problems that may arise with him and him alone- its called loyalty.
TaraMaiden Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 She always wants to show that her boyfriend is better, how amazing he is etc. For a while I did bite and said how amazing mine was too, but it got boring. here's a telling statement. Apparently, according to your other thread, you are bored with your relationship, or at least, cannot see it progressing..... She just wants everyone to think she has an amazing life with no problems, she can't be honest and doesn't really share anything, when surely that is waht a friendship is all about? if this is her way of handling matters, why is it skin off your nose? Because you do not handle matters that way. That's your business. You are irritated for all the wrong reasons.
Author nino2005 Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 Thank you all for your comments. What I haven't mentioned (for fear of being judged) is that my boyfriend was her ex (a long time ago) and so I feel she wants to show that she now has the better man so to speak. It is difficult, because I sacrificed so much to be with my boyfriend, I would never have decided to be with him if I thought it wasn't going to last. It would be so much easier if, like most people I didn't know the "ex" but unfortunately I don't have that option.
Author nino2005 Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 I rarely criticise my husband or my marriage to my friends. I would rather solve any problems that may arise with him and him alone- its called loyalty. I'm not asking for her to do that, really don't know what this comment has to do with anything.
Trialbyfire Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Thank you all for your comments. What I haven't mentioned (for fear of being judged) is that my boyfriend was her ex (a long time ago) and so I feel she wants to show that she now has the better man so to speak. It is difficult, because I sacrificed so much to be with my boyfriend, I would never have decided to be with him if I thought it wasn't going to last. It would be so much easier if, like most people I didn't know the "ex" but unfortunately I don't have that option.Take a good hard look at the bolded statement. It sounds to me like there's competition but not necessarily or solely on her side. Why does it bother you that she's happy in her current relationship?
sb129 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I'm not asking for her to do that, really don't know what this comment has to do with anything. But you DON'T want her to say nice things about him either. Some people are genuinely happy in their relationships, and want to let people know. You sound like the grinch who stole christmas.
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