Tennisguy Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Hello all, I recently joined this forum to get some advice. I have recently completed my first year in college. However, I've never been in an actual "relationship" before, and I met the first girl I was really interested in in college. Ok, so... I met this girl during the first month of school in one of my classes. She sat next to me and I talked to her, but later she started sitting at her normal spot, which was on the other side of the room. She was kind of late to class that day. I was always nervous to talk to her, and I asked friends for advice. Facebook was something I used to chat with her online, in order to get to know her better, because I was nervous to actually talk to her in person at first. So, I would talk to her about her day, interests, how she was doing, and etc. After a while, I noticed that she would stare at me quite a bit during class and when she entered class. My friend told me to sit with her in the lecture hall, but a friend would sit next to her, so I never did that. I thought it would be a bad idea, but I decided to talk to her after one of the smaller classes we had together. She would also smile at me, when I smiled at her. So, after a while, I asked her to study with me for a final and that went well. I got to know her better, and I finally got her phone number. However, I called her for an invitation eat lunch with me, after one of her finals. She told me that she was already leaving to go back home, and I understood. I made sure to ask her how her finals went, and I told her I would see her next semester. During the break, I would talk to her over facebook. Strangely, I was having a normal conversation with her over facebook, and I asked her the question "Do you think you'll get everything you want for Christmas this year?" She replied "you... ." Before and after she said this she would log in and out, and she also didn't talk to me after she said this until January! Also, she said "sorry, my internet is messing up.", before she stopped responding to me. I would try to message her, but I would get no response. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that she wouldn't talk to me and was ignoring me. My cousin and friends told me to stop thinking about it and to not message her a lot because it shows desperation. I didn't message her until January, when she finally talked to me. When I finally saw her at school, she was still shy and silent around me. I would talk to her after class, but other of her friends were around us, so I was hesitant in trying to ask her to hang out with them around. I asked her to eat dinner one night at a dining hall with me, and she brought a friend with her! I was kind of upset about this, considering that I wanted her to come alone. So, I wasn't able to actually tell her my true feelings for her. I also heard that she asked a friend, if I liked her. I don't know what he said though. After I asked her to eat dinner that one time, I didn't ask her to go anywhere else with me for quite some time. One of my friends actually asked me, if I still liked her, while she was online! I suspected that she asked him to ask me. I would hang out with her with friends, and I finally asked her to eat dinner with me at a restaurant about two months later. However, I actually asked if she was busy that week at first, and she said "not really and that she wouldn't mind meeting for dinner or hanging out.". So, I told her that I would text her about the details. When I finally texted her the invitation, she sent me back a text saying "sorry my boyfriend is in town visiting me, so I'm kind of busy.". I was so shocked because I never knew she had a boyfriend, and I thought that she may be lying to me. I tried to forget about it, but I never really have. Also, I never talked to her much after that. I still talked to her over facebook and after class somewhat. She went a different route from me after class was done though... possibly because some of our other friends dropped the class that walked with us afterwards. I still caught her staring at me, while I wasn't looking. She is also transferring to a different university next year, but I'm sure that she'll visit the university I am attending on occasion to see friends. I was just kind of depressed that she rejected one of my invitations and the fact that she may have lied to me. I thought that she liked me and maybe she does, but I can't tell and no one else can either. I've been trying to stop thinking about her, but I just can't seem to. I will be sad that she is leaving. My biggest question to you guys is "should I just forget about her?", or "should I still talk to her over facebook and possibly try again?". Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
lora22 Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Guys love a challenge I could be totally wrong, but it seems like you probably don't know her that well, since you mostly talked online and didn't hang out much in person? Maybe the reason you can't stop thinking about her is because this situation presents a challenge to you, rather than because you two have such a connection, etc. As a girl, I've definitely been there before - I also enjoy the chase/a challenge on occassion, though less so now that I'm older. Sometimes when you're attracted to someone it's hard to know if you really like them, or if it's nothing more than attraction; it doesn't hurt to find out, but maybe that's why you find yourself thinking about her all the time? Just something to think about. Since it's been this long and nothing has come of it, and she's transferring, if I were you I would still be friendly, but I wouldn't try anything, I'd move on and just live my life. Also, facebook is not the way to go when pursuing relationships. It's a good way to keep in touch and so on, but honestly, if you want a (mature) relationship, get a phone number, and make calling her your primary form of communication, and hang out!!
lora22 Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Just skimmed over that again - she has a bf? FORGET ABOUT HER.
MissViolet Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Why would you be interested in someone who has a bf anyway? I suggest you find someone else who's really available.
Author Tennisguy Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 I thought that she may have been lying about the whole bf thing. I was pretty upset about that, possibly more about the fact that she may have been lying to me. She still hung out with me and my friends, however I guess that she may have just made it up because she is transferring. She gave all the signs and body language that show interest. She had also broken up with a guy that she had a really long relationship with last October.
start-fresh Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 How many new threads are you going to start about this? As many as it takes for somebody to say she's madly in love with you and you should keep talking to her? I don't think that's going to happen. She's not interested. I think you are right she lied about having a boyfriend but that's her problem. Either way it's a sure sign she's not interested. Would you tell someone you were interested in that you had a girlfriend? I didn't think so. Unfortunately you have to chalk this one up as a learning experience.
Author Tennisguy Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 I started a new thread because in the previous two I didn't put it into paragraphs. So, I thought if I put a new thread with it in paragraph form, then I would get more responses. I won't make anymore new threads about this subject. I also heard that some girls lie about having a boyfriend, in order to make guys they like jealous. However, this seems pretty ridiculous to me. I guess women are unpredictable, but this whole experience was exhausting either way.
lora22 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Drama free is the way to be Just forget about her and move on...I think the only reasonable interpretation of the information you presented is that she's not interested in you. If she felt the same way about you that you do about her, you two would be dating/hooking up/whatever. But you're not...end of story...stop wasting your time and energy!
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I also heard that some girls lie about having a boyfriend, in order to make guys they like jealous. Who cares. Either she really has one, or she's a freaking liar. Why would you want to even pursue someone that is either taken or is a game-player? What a stupid line to use to try and get a guy interested (if that's what she was really doing).
DarkestDreams Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I also heard that some girls lie about having a boyfriend, in order to make guys they like jealous. In this case, if she did lie about having a bf, was probably to get you to back off already! Look, I feel for you, you seem like a nice dude...but seriously, she is not interested in you. The writing is on the wall in huge letters, stop being so oblivious to it. You have some years left of college, you'll meet plenty of other girls who will be interested in you. Stop talking to this one before you become that pathetic guy who just can't get a hint.
Author Tennisguy Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 I understand, and I'll move on. I will still be friends with her and keep in touch. However, I really did like this girl, but I don't know if it's possible to change a girl's feelings at all. I'm not going to try to make any more advances, but is it possible that anything significant could happen after a certain period of time? I know some guys that have managed to get in relationships with girls they have been friends with for a long time. I'll just try to be a good friend and talk to her as usual, but I have my eyes open. I know that there are plenty of other fish in the sea .
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