sjml251 Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Well, I've been visiting this forum pretty regularly for months now - ever since my breakup in Feb when my boyfriend of about 8 years dumped me to be with someone else. Needless to say, its been difficult and painful transition. We own a home together so I had to move out (he couldn't be bothered to be sensitive enough to keep his new sex life with this person out of my face so I pretty much had to do a quick emergency move out to protect myself from his complete insensitivity to what he was putting me through). So, it has been a little over three months now since it happened and although I am still sad and feeling rather empty emotionally, I have made every effort to find happniess in my life, spend time with other people, become immersed in things in my life that I enjoy, and all in all just pick up the pieces and work towards getting myself back to a good and positive place. Everyday (with a few exceptions) I feel better than the day before and as these many days have gone by, I have been more and more able to see all the ways in which my ex was really a selfish and unfair partner throughout our relationship. Well, I got the phone call and invite this past Sat for "a talk"......... For a few hours he cried and carried on about how horrible he felt about everything, how he's afrid he's going to regret losing me for the rest of his life, how he has this deep love for me he could never have for anyone else, etc. He asked repeatedly for my forgiveness, and by the end I eventually conceded forgiveness, though I still feel anger, sadness, and betrayed on the inside. He didn't ask to be back together with me nor has he totally cut things off with this other girl, though he said he is over it and does not really want to be with her anymore. All of this, of course, has left me feeling confused and conflicted. He says he wants to make it up to me and make it right but has done nothing to do so except ask for forgiveness because he felt so bad about everything (which still seems like something for him, so he can feel better, not for me). I really don't know how to move forward because although I loved and cared for this person for more than 1/3 of my life, I don't know that I can ever look past and forget what has happened and what a complete cold and selfish dick he was through all of this. Also, his seemingly sincere in-person attempt at "making it right" by talking with me has not translated into anything else - I have not heard from him or seen him since it happened...... .......it seems that all that has really happened is that now, after all the work I've done to try and move on wih my life, I am back to sitting around thinking about him and what all of this means - what am I supposed to do, what do I really feel, what is he really saying, what does this all mean, etc. I'm at a loss and would greatly appreciate any insight or advise on where I go from here, what I should be doing in regards to contact with him (we have been basically no contact until this recent "talk"), etc. I am just still so hurt by what he did - I feel so confused ........ Thanks in advance for your help, gang, I don't know what I would do (or would have done) without you guys through all of this......
Ronni_W Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Hugs, sjml. Yeah...it kinda does sound more as if he just needed to hear/know that you "forgive" him above anything else, doesn't it? His crying and carrying on likely were just manipulative tactics. Joke's on him cos "forgiveness" that is "conceded" due to manipulation is so not genuine forgiveness. And maybe he hoped that by professing his regret and "deep love" that is exclusively yours, he'd be able to get you in the mindset of being prepared to 'wait in the wings'...just in case he'll need you there at some later date. You said that he was "cold and selfish" with you before...kind of seems as if he is STILL acting that way with you, doesn't it? [so] I wouldn't be giving him any power to generate feelings of confusion and inner conflict within you. You deserve MUCH better that he appears to currently have the ability or desire to give to you! Hang in there...it's a setback, and then you'll get stronger and it'll start to feel much more manageable again. Sending Love and Light.
cabarc1 Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 OMG, i totally agree with what Ronni says..... I got angry for you by reading that. I understand the confusion u feel. My ex did that crap with me while seeing another girl. I hated it because i wouldn't know what to think of it, how to read into it. And all i could think about is when was i gonna hear from him again??? Ur ex did not leave in an honorable way and i could never forgive that. I can forgive and take a man back for not knowing what he wants but doing the junk he is doing hell freaking no! I really hope you get better/stronger and are able to tell him to get lost the next time he comes around!
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