Island Girl Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 What I ask myself is how can no love be better than some love just because I want more love? Because when you accept some love (essentially scraps) then you are not open for the possibility of ALL love. The "some love" you get now is truly a double edged sword. Just because you are focusing only on the positives does not mean the negatives do not exist. Those things you turn a blind eye to like being put as a low priority, no loving holiday celebrations (even your birthday), no one to call on when in a moment of need (like a car accident, etc.), even a shoulder to cry on is not at your demand. You are settling for very little and sacrificing a whole lot. For me, I'd rather be alone than spend most of my days focused on fleeting moments of "happiness". I can give myself a whole lot more especially if I am not missing someone, feeling constant angst, and hurting over someone that I will never have. I am 50, I have been so hurt in life the chance of me meeting someone new is very low since I keep to myself. So by cutting myself loose from MM, I might very well be denying myself any relationship at all. You keep to yourself as a coping mechanism and seeing the married man only reinforces this lifestyle. Instead of challenging yourself for yourself and getting out to do things you enjoy as your outlet you are walling yourself in. It is akin to an animal in the zoo. Sure there is a keeper who comes and feeds them but are they truly happy shut in that environment? And I am not saying you should go out and try to meet a partner. I think you'll find people with like minds doing things you like to do and possibly make friends. In the end you may meet a new companion for your life. But as long as you are closed off to the possibility, you are right, you never will. That is a tough one to face. I think you are a lot tougher than you believe you are.
Angel1111 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Your post was nice to read because I ended things with MM also for this reason. It's good to have reinforcement. I knew it was wrong for me to keep hoping, wrong for us to keep going. Off-and-on for five years, it seemed to have no end. When we spoke, for the first time he told me he loved me. There was a time when I would've melted to hear those words. But it was too little, too late, and all I could think was 'what difference does it make that he loves me?'
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I was just thinking about the above -- where you give your power away to another person to make an important decision that will impact you... giving your power away is not good... it may be 'easiest' because then you can just shrug and say it was out of your hands... the Other person said 'no'... but in reality, it is because you did not want to make that decision. Why is this? I am working on the "shift" this week. The one where I say enough, it's my decision as to where I want my life to be, to go. MM has given all his power to the BS, trying to make it her decision to leave. The more she clings to the marriage, the more of an a-hole he will be. But this is their marriage. I'm just a single woman trying to gain control of MY life.
willing Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 I am working on the "shift" this week. The one where I say enough, it's my decision as to where I want my life to be, to go. MM has given all his power to the BS, trying to make it her decision to leave. The more she clings to the marriage, the more of an a-hole he will be. But this is their marriage. I'm just a single woman trying to gain control of MY life. I wish you all the best with that --> so you have decided to reclaim your personal power to make the decision as to what you will and will not accept, this will help you feel strong. Then you will surely sidestep Depression ... and bypass the insanity that comes along with triangulation of a relationship with three people involved.
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