missdependant Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Maybe I'm just venting, but I need to know if this is a make or break issue. I do not keep things unless it is A. Very expensive B. NOT BROKEN C. Holds a LOT of sentimental value My boyfriend keeps EVERYTHING. Every single closet that we have is full of crap that is his. Our garage is full of his crap. Our shed... HIS CRAP.. the office, HIS crap.. the extra bedroom that we're supposed to be converting to a baby room; HIS CRAP. I can't even park my car in the garage, because he insists on keeping a bunch of **** in there. I can't get a start on the baby room even though I've bought all of the expensive stuff already (crib, changing table, shelves, armoire, etc.). All of the stuff I've bought is sitting in the garage, because he adamantly refuses to throw things out, sell on craigslist, etc. Even though right now, our main priority should be MAKING SPACE for a baby. What is the best compromise for this? I like things to be neat and uncluttered. He insists on keeping everything he owns, dating back to the crap he bought at savers when he first started college. A lot of the stuff is broken, and he keeps saying he'll fix it someday. Other things are stuff he hasn't used or even looked at since we moved in. I'm pretty sure that if you haven't used something in at least a year, you probably won't be missing it anytime soon. I'm tempted to just start tossing things when he's not home that I KNOW he won't miss. Otherwise, I'm tempted to leave him. i know it seems a bit ridiculous. But I can't deal with how much of a slob he is.
JackJack Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Perhaps there is some OCD on his part. I would google "hoarder" or "hoarding" this is such a thing, and maybe it can shed some light on it for you. I understand it to be a pretty difficult thing to get under wraps. It could result from childhood and/or learned behavior from his parents or a relative. If there is OCD present, which sounds like it may be, that's like a disorder. I think hoarding is part of OCD.
mental_traveller Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Well for the broken stuff you can set a deadline - fix it in 1 month or toss it out. For the other stuff I would consider using one place (e.g. the garage) as "storage" and he's not allowed to hoard in any other room. If he wants to hoard more then tell him to go use a self-storage facility or rent a shed or warehouse space.
BubblyPopcorn Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 My aunt is like this, hoards everything. She asked me to clean/organize for her and part of the agreement was for her not to be present when I went through everything (otherwise she'd have a field day if/when I threw out items) but also that there were certain items she’d keep. I organized and put away the items she wanted to keep and I threw out a lot of items that she didn’t need. I like Mental Travelers suggestion on storing it in only certain areas or getting a self storage facility, 'tis a good starting point . Plus with a baby coming, you don't want all the excess items lying around, from a safety standpoint. Leaving your husband over it seems a bit drastic so perhaps the two of you can work out a compromise where both can agree to it.
Author missdependant Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 Thank you for the suggestions. I finally snapped! Yeah, I'm not proud of it but I think it made him see just how serious I was about this. I set my foot down. We are taking at least three loads of his stuff to the dump tomorrow. I am definitely looking into this OCD behavior.. I figured it could be some form of OCD. His mother passed away when he was 16.. he keeps all of her stuff and I'd never ask him to get rid of any of it. I only ask him to get rid of stuff that may as well be trash. Honestly, I think this is where it stems from. She was not a packrat, but I think he holds sentimental value in anything he can.. almost like he's playing it safe. I have to admit, I thought maybe I was the one with some sort of OCD for a while there!
JackJack Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Thank you for the suggestions. I finally snapped! Yeah, I'm not proud of it but I think it made him see just how serious I was about this. I set my foot down. We are taking at least three loads of his stuff to the dump tomorrow. I am definitely looking into this OCD behavior.. I figured it could be some form of OCD. His mother passed away when he was 16.. he keeps all of her stuff and I'd never ask him to get rid of any of it. I only ask him to get rid of stuff that may as well be trash. Honestly, I think this is where it stems from. She was not a packrat, but I think he holds sentimental value in anything he can.. almost like he's playing it safe. I have to admit, I thought maybe I was the one with some sort of OCD for a while there! Well, there are different forms of OCD too, maybe you have more of a mild case. I have read that people who are horaders of things like that or packrats, it usually does stem from some kind of loss. Both of my grandparents were like this and it came from a time during the great depression where they didn't have anything, and when they finally did get things it meant alot to them and they were afraid that whatever they had they would lose, and so they would collect and collect things and let things just pile up. To the person(s) doing the collecting and saving of things, to THEM it does seem very sentimental and special.
blind_otter Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 My Dad was like this - he had piles of Omni Magazines and National Geographic in the hall closet. BTW, they don't even print Omni Magazine anymore - they stopped in the 1990s I think... My mom tolerated it. I grew up with a tendency to hoard as well, I always think that somehow I'll be able to use it at a later date - or that I'll really NEED something that I threw away. I think it has to do with a feeling that this behavior will help your be in control. My S/O got a bug up his ass to get rid of a buncha crap when he sold his house 2 years ago and moved in to my house. Then when I fell pregnant I caught the bug and went on a cleaning rampage and threw away several truckloads of stuff and scoured the house with bleach water. Nesting, they call it. I was 9 months pregnant scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees to get it perfectly clean - haha, well I was also trying to get my labor going. Anyways, nesting was my answer to getting motivated to throw stuff away. Believe me, once you get the nesting instinct going (it sounds like it may have started early for you...) he won't be able to stand in your way.
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