debilou Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 My boyfriend is 18 years younger than me. I was married once and was convinced I would never ever marry again. The question for everyone is this . . . how do I know it's over? My much younger boyfriend always wanted to marry until I said I would. He works 2 jobs, 1 for insurance alone. I have great insurance and decided it would be good for both of us to get married. He was offended and said that's not a good reason to get married. He said "that's like marrying a Mexican to give him a green card". I thought about it for a while and realized I really didn't want to marry him for a host of reasons. But now I feel differently about things. He lives at my home. He doesn't pay a set rate to live here. I do the laundry. I pay the property taxes, pay if something big breaks. My home is paid for so there isn't a mortgage. He usually pays the cable bill, most of the time the electric. I make alot less than he does. I just started receiving child support. I have a 14 year old son. My son loves my boyfriend and he gets the manly influence he needs from him. He doesn't see his father on a regular basis and never spends the night with him. My X turned 16 when he turned 40. I used to believe my boyfriend adored me now I'm not sure. Am I just being paranoid? I try not to over think things but I don't feel like we're on the same page anymore. Thanks for your time and thoughts.
amaysngrace Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 It kind of sounds like you're your BFs mom with benefits.
likestolaugh Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 wait, your bf is 16?? I think I must have misunderstood
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 It kind of sounds like you're your BFs mom with benefits. LOL - I agree with this. Is this the kind of "romantic" relationship you really want??
ruggy Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Big age difference. He has more in common with your son that you, in terms of the age gap. Hmm, tough call. I'd take it slow.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 He does not need to be living with you. Seriously. It sounds like he is in it for the free ride.
BentSpine Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I used to believe my boyfriend adored me now I'm not sure. Am I just being paranoid? I try not to over think things but I don't feel like we're on the same page anymore.Why don't you talk to your partner about your feelings? Discuss if he's willing to do things to make you feel better about it. My X turned 16 when he turned 40.I don't get what "X" and "he" refers to.
Author debilou Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 My boyfriend is 28. My X moved out on his 40th bday. My kids were 9 & 14. That was 5 years ago. When I say he turned 16 I'm referring to the lifestyle he started living. The bar scene, drinking, drugging, etc. He did a complete 180. Therefore, my 14 year old son is not on his list of things to take care of. After the devistation I felt when my X left I was determined to handle my life all on my own. I didn't want to depend on a man again. I never thought I'd be divorced. And before you call me a cougar let me make it clear...I wasn't looking for anyone when I met my boyfriend. He pursued me. We worked together and still do...different areas and shifts. I put him off for about 6 weeks. Even then I didn't plan on a relationship. So on one hand I'm ok if we're just making the best of the life we have everyday. He has made things much better for me in alot of ways. But I still have this determination to be "just fine" without him or any other man. My kids have always been what's most important. Thanks to all of you who took the time to read and reply.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 And before you call me a cougar let me make it clear... I didn't think anybody was thinking of YOU in a derogatory way, Deb. IMO, your BF is getting the really good end of this deal and I think he's taking advantage of YOU...not the other way around. I'm not sure of Amaysn's intent with her comment, but I took it to mean that he's treating you like a sugar momma and I totally agree with that. What are you really getting out of this arrangement? I mean REALLY getting out of this other than not having to be alone?
BentSpine Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I used to believe my boyfriend adored me now I'm not sure. Can you think of something specific that makes you think this way? And before you call me a cougar let me make it clear...I wasn't looking for anyone when I met my boyfriend. He pursued me. Relax debilou, only you knows how caring he is to you when you two are alone. At least at first. In the longer run your close friends will notice any change of your emotional wellbeing. So on one hand I'm ok if we're just making the best of the life we have everyday. He has made things much better for me in alot of ways. But I still have this determination to be "just fine" without him or any other man. My kids have always been what's most important. The important thing is that it works for you two. If your relationship make you both more forgiving and patient with people in daily life, keep it.
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