Els Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Ah, I've spent a lot of time in the PI, but never went into Malaysia yet. I love that area, the water is so nice and warm, clear, it's just incredible. Also the various navies of the world have thoughtfully littered the sea floor in that area with discarded hardware for us to explore. On topic, what would you reckon a reasonable daily budget to visit Malaysia would be for a person who was budget conscious but also wanted to dive and do some other similar activities? I don't travel much and don't exactly enjoy the tourist spots of my own country, but I could give you an estimate of about rm1500 for a week, not including airfare. Cheap hotels are rm100 per night, food is EXTREMELY cheap, activities and travelling will add up to about rm100 a day as well (scuba diving was rm60 for a couple hours last I heard). Convert that into USD and it'll be only 400-500 USD. Honestly though, I think the best thing we have is the food -- the road stalls and huts serve the best authentic food. If you want to scuba dive and enjoy great beaches, there are only one or two spots that you would want to go to. Stay away especially from the popular tourist beaches, they're almost always filthy. Edit: Whoops, just read 'daily'. RM200+.
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 There's usually a win/win out there somewhere, as long as both people want to make things happen. Have a great trip!
moman Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Actually, that's really awesome Prettybaby, glad it came to a good conclusion. Now for me, I have problems going out with friends. I like and can afford to go to nicer places, but if I want people to go I have to pay. I'm tired of it. So I decided to move downmarket to say TGI Friday's type places, and they still say it's too expensive. I just need new friends
sb129 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well, glad to hear you will be able to live without the most expensive room. Maybe while on the trip you can dig and find out more details about his budget? Make sure it is pushed to the exact limit, and have a good time. BAAAAHHHHH HUMBUG. :mad: The issue is resolved. Why can't you resist another little dig? People CAN sort out their problems happily- you seem to have trouble grasping that sometimes.
calazhage Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 The issue is far from resolved. Sure, on a message thread everyone tries to prove they are right, but reality is far different. Let me explain how a trip should be planned. Scenario: 2 people dating decide to take a trip. Man: Ok, honey, how about the Caribbean? Woman: Would love to Man:Ok, let me do some research and look for places Woman: Great (2 days later) Man: Ok darling, tell me which of these you like, you pick. Woman: Wow, place X is beautiful, let's go there. DONE Now as you can see,it is simple. The man does not need to pry about her budget. No one is uncomfortable. The woman feels she has an amazing and generous boyfriend, who also let her pick. A real compromise. The man also feels she is 100% happy, and she genuinely is. Now you see that man encompasses what women universally love. A leader, someone who can compromise, and someone generous. The OP's situation is a disaster. His budget is 100% none of her business, and not her place to be asking what his "limit" is. He already feels emascualted. She sees he is passive and cannot lead. Later this will lead to resentment on both parts. As a side note, back to my ex that just returned from Egypt 2 days ago from the trip she asked me to go on. SHE planned an ultra expensive 10 day Nile cruise, with only 2 days in Cairo. She asked me to go. I flat out said I would go to Cairo for 1 week, but the cruise is way too expensive and would not be a good time anyway. She offered to cover my end of the cruise, as a second person would not be much more. I declined. So she returned, and guess what? She said the cruise was a complete waste of money, and she wishes she spent more time in Cairo. Exactly what I said. The lesson? Women need a man who thinks logically, and can make a good decision. Women are driven by emotion, and are not strong logical decisions makers.. She saw the shiny brochures, fancy boat , read the reviews, and was 100% sold by emotion. A woman does not need your penis, as every man is offering. She needs a leader, someone who makes good decisions, and someone that is trustworthy. Not a passive, weak, smiling, doormat who wants the woman to plan everything. That is not her natural role. Recipe for disaster.
Author prettybaby Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 The issue is far from resolved. Sure, on a message thread everyone tries to prove they are right, but reality is far different. Let me explain how a trip should be planned. Scenario: blah blah blah Did I murder your dog in a past life or something? He already feels emascualted. She sees he is passive and cannot lead. Later this will lead to resentment on both parts. Uhm, no he doesn't and no I don't What part do you not get? This is a new relationship where 2 people are simply trying to figure out how to plan something together that works for both. It's not that deep. As a side note, back to my ex Oh great that just returned from Egypt 2 days ago from the trip she asked me to go on. SHE planned an ultra expensive 10 day Nile cruise, with only 2 days in Cairo. She asked me to go. I flat out said I would go to Cairo for 1 week, but the cruise is way too expensive and would not be a good time anyway. She offered to cover my end of the cruise, as a second person would not be much more. I declined. So she returned, and guess what? She said the cruise was a complete waste of money, and she wishes she spent more time in Cairo. Exactly what I said. Who cares about your ex? She's the one obviously not willing to make compromises and be considerate enough to figure out a trip that will make both happy. I'm not your ex. I'm not going to Egypt. I don't like cruises. Stop trying to relate everything I post to her. Clearly, she went ahead and booked whatever the hell she wanted and left without you. Is that what I did? No. The lesson? Women need a man who thinks logically, and can make a good decision. Women are driven by emotion, and are not strong logical decisions makers.. Hello Mr. Cliché! How is life in Cliché Land? Not so perky from what it seems. She saw the shiny brochures, fancy boat , read the reviews, and was 100% sold by emotion. A woman does not need your penis, as every man is offering. She needs a leader, someone who makes good decisions, and someone that is trustworthy. Not a passive, weak, smiling, doormat who wants the woman to plan everything. That is not her natural role. Recipe for disaster. How about, instead of looking at who's leading and who's following, I look at is as a couple who works as a team and makes decisions together as 2 equal individuals who love and respect each other? Recipe for disaster? I think not. But go ahead, your approach seem to be working wonders ... And stop insulting my guy! He's not a doormat!
sb129 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 PS- my husband and I BOTH thought that 2 days in Cairo was enough. And we were right. PB- its all blah blah blah from hereon in. She is his EX for a reason.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Prettybaby, you crack me up with your responses to to Calzahage
calazhage Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I feel everyone is much more comfortable in a scenario similar to mine. You admitted several times you were uncomfortable, and so was he. In my scenario private matters such as limits and budgets never have to be discussed. You 2 are dating, not married. Discussing money is more applicable between friends. "Hey Joe, I have 20 bucks, let's get a beer". "Ok loan me 5 until tomorrow" Cool, let's go. I could not imagine a woman asking me "Hey whats your limit." I could not imagine asking a woman that. It already makes everyone uncomfortable, and you never even got an answer from your boyfriend. And since when do women like to be the sole decision makers? I never heard that before in my life.
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Isn't it obvious ladies? He wasn't man enough to handle his ex!
calazhage Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Actually we have been close friends for about 8 years. Egypt has been a lifetime dream of hers, and she wanted me to share it with her. She simply is a poor planner. She planned and booked before I was ever consulted or asked. Similar to the OP's situation. Becoming emotionally involved and fixated on something she has never seen before. Being a logical thinking man, I not only know what I would prefer, but also know what she would prefer. That is what women need from a man. How many of you ladies like weak, passive men that want you to lead them?
Author prettybaby Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 I feel everyone is much more comfortable in a scenario similar to mine. You admitted several times you were uncomfortable, and so was he. Dude, read again. It was some initial miscommunication between us, and it all got solved pretty quickly. In my scenario private matters such as limits and budgets never have to be discussed. You sure love your scenarios, don't you. You 2 are dating, not married. Discussing money is more applicable between friends. "Hey Joe, I have 20 bucks, let's get a beer". "Ok loan me 5 until tomorrow" Cool, let's go. Marriage has been brought up. We are both looking at long term perspective here. Which is why it was important to me to handle this right. I could not imagine a woman asking me "Hey whats your limit." I could not imagine asking a woman that. That's funny, because, there's a lot of things about you that I could not imagine either, and yet you're sitting here typing to me. Life is strange, I tell you. and you never even got an answer from your boyfriend. That's right, he chose not to bring it up again. Isn't that where you're supposed to call him "a man". Or I guess he's just one of those annoying doormats who actually think for themselves once in a while. It didn't need to be brought up again anyway since a good compromise had been figured out with the booking. Please note that I never actually mentioned any numbers to him either. So we're equal on this one. And since when do women like to be the sole decision makers? I never heard that before in my life. I'm trying to be nice here, but, are you "special"? I have already mentioned 50 times throughout these 8 pages that this is not about me making decisions on my own, and that it's certainly not the goal. I'll copy & paste what I typed 10 minutes ago so you can read it again, and then maybe it will slowly seep through your brain cells:I look at is as a couple who works as a team and makes decisions together as 2 equal individuals who love and respect each other.
calazhage Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 He always leaves decisions up to me. Like, he'll make a few suggestions, but is mainly concerned about me being happy with the option we end up going for. I have tried to make him have more of a say in things we do, places we go to, etc, and then sort of meet him in the middle, but he leaves a lot of the decision making up to me. Actually that is what you said. He ALWAYS leaves the decision making up to you. I am saying I have never met a woman whom ALWAYS wants to make all the decisions. But some women like the more submissive man.
GorillaTheater Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I'm NEVER getting in a flamewar with prettybaby.
Myob12345 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I feel everyone is much more comfortable in a scenario similar to mine. You admitted several times you were uncomfortable, and so was he. In my scenario private matters such as limits and budgets never have to be discussed. You 2 are dating, not married. Discussing money is more applicable between friends. "Hey Joe, I have 20 bucks, let's get a beer". "Ok loan me 5 until tomorrow" Cool, let's go. I could not imagine a woman asking me "Hey whats your limit." I could not imagine asking a woman that. It already makes everyone uncomfortable, and you never even got an answer from your boyfriend. And since when do women like to be the sole decision makers? I never heard that before in my life. Let me ask you something, based on what i've read of your previous posts. If your girlfriend came to you and told you she wanted to book a nice room at a good hotel that cost 50$ more per night, or alternatively, "hey, i saw this really great restaurant i thought you might like. let me take you there" and out of pure consideration for your budget, offered to pay for it, would you REALLY be that offended? she's paying more, mostly for the two of you, because she wants the both of you to have a good time. sure, part of it may be because she also has expensive tastes, but are you really going to complain about getting a free dinner or a free hotel room? i'm actually genuinely curious because I can relate to prettybaby in that my boyfriend is a student (well we both are) and more thrifty than I, but I like experiencing more upper scale food (there's a word for that, that isn't "spoiled brat," it's actually called a "foodie") and vacations. The reason I ask is because I want to know if it's really THAT immasculating or terrible for a relationship if the girl offers to pay for a hotel or a restaurant that she chose when knowing that the budget for said place is probably above what her boyfriend would generally go for. My reasoning is usually "if i pick the restaurant, let me pay. when you pick the restaurant, you can pay" and he seems fine with it. I also don't want to make the mistake of having a guy think that I'm going to pay for everything, because I'm not rich enough for that quite yet.
Author prettybaby Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Actually that is what you said. He ALWAYS leaves the decision making up to you. I am saying I have never met a woman whom ALWAYS wants to make all the decisions. But some women like the more submissive man. Well my doormat sure manned up, didn't he! He came up with a solution all by himself and showed me a great compromise that worked for both of us without me having to think about this trip planning any further. Are you proud of my doormat or what?
calazhage Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 I do not date women who must have their way. Luckily most women want a man to lead. In my vacation example, if she saw my choices (Which I am paying for), and none were good enough, then she is not the woman for me. Now there are some women that LOVE very expensive restaurants, very high end hotels, etc. They would be out of my financial league. There is a different dynamic at play between men and women. Imagine you just started dating someone. Which sounds more appropriate? Man: Honey, I would like to take you away on a vacation. OR Woman:I want to take you away on a vacation. I say that 99.9% of women who just start dating a man would prefer the former. So go all the way, or just look nice, smile, and be the woman. It makes no sense to split things, yet insist on extravagance, while trying to find a way to get him to pay half, yet also let him be the man, and also get your way.
calazhage Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Well, that is what he should have done initially. But good for him. Women usually have no clue as to what things should cost and they are blinded by emotion, while the man is looking for ways to make money go further. Prettybaby admitted certain ways of thinking are INGRAINED into men. So why try to change that? Take the path of least resistance and have a good time. I would not start dating a woman and insist she changes what is ingrained in her. Should I say "You know, I am dating this woman and she just cannot lead! I need to change that!"
clv0116 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 So go all the way, or just look nice, smile, and be the woman. It makes no sense to split things, yet insist on extravagance, while trying to find a way to get him to pay half, yet also let him be the man, and also get your way. Honestly I think you have a point there but PB seems to have started to fumble, realized it was a sour note and corrected it masterfully. In the end her fella and she have worked out something that will hopefully work. *I* cannot picture a scenario where I would let a woman I was dating pay for a trip either but that's just me. I'm officially old fashioned, or according to some, just plain old.
Author prettybaby Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 I do not date women who must have their way. Your personal taste in women is absolutely irrelevant here. Which sounds more appropriate? Man: Honey, I would like to take you away on a vacation. OR Woman:I want to take you away on a vacation. What's with the stupid scenarios all the time? If you really want to know, we both decided that a vacation would be cool this Summer. Neither of us made such a formal invitation. It was a mutual idea that we both got pretty excited about. You've already made it clear that you're not into the whole equality thing. We get it. No point repeating the same clichés 50 times when they don't even match with the situation I very clearly described throughout 8 (EIGHT!) pages.
calazhage Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 The male ego is a fragile thing. You can't expect a guy to just swallow his pride and let his woman take the lead when it comes to values that have been anchored into the male gender role for so long. [/b] ; so I'm putting myself in his shoes and I know it has got to cause conflicting feelings in his head to see me cashing out for stuff + taking care of things for him; when he would logically be in the protective / provider role. And why are you trying to change all of human nature? To get a fancier room? As I said, take the path of least resistance. Or you can try to completely change him into no longer feeling like a man. Change his entire value system. Make sure he has conflicted feelings in his head. Make sure he feels as though he cannot be a good provider for you. Why on Earth would you want to go down that path? Does the room mean so much?
Author prettybaby Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 And why are you trying to change all of human nature? To get a fancier room? As I said, take the path of least resistance. Or you can try to completely change him into no longer feeling like a man. Change his entire value system. Make sure he has conflicted feelings in his head. Make sure he feels as though he cannot be a good provider for you. Why on Earth would you want to go down that path? Does the room mean so much? Did you ENTIRELY miss the part where this almost FIVE days old post that you're quoting actually got resolved, and that we're NOT getting the most expensive room?
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 This just gets funnier!! What kind of man is so fragile that he ties his entire self-esteem into the price of hotel room? Pathetic!
GorillaTheater Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 This just gets funnier!! What kind of man is so fragile that he ties his entire self-esteem into the price of hotel room? Pathetic! And he's totally oblivious to the fact that he's getting thoroughly slaughtered by PB. I'm trying not to fall head over heals here.
calazhage Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Apparently she feels her man is that fragile, as those are her own words. She knowingly and purposely acted in a way to cause "conflicting thoughts to go through his head" Why?
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