JackhammerGemma Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 Is anyone else here a doormat besides me? Do you find yourself in a situation you know you have no business being in, yet remain in? I don't just mean affairs, I mean people who are no damn good for you, who do nothing but take away the joy in your life like a succubus and yet you still keep going back for more somehow? I think I have a normal self esteem. I know I'm worth something and I have a lot to offer, yet I continue to be connected to the same a-hole who has been bringing me down for two years now. It's a long story which I'm sure could be abridged if I tried, but basically I should have stopped communicating with him long ago. Friday night he disgusted me for what I say is the last time and we have not talked since then. He is not returning my texts so I gave up. Now I'm numb like a zombie, feeling dead inside, wondering once again why I gave him the time of day at all and why I feel dead inside because of a person who is basically worthless and does nothing but hurt people. So-any other doormats out there? Or am I the lone retard?
westernxer Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 We've all been where you've been, so not to worry. Only way to unlearn being a doormat, is to be one as some point in your life. The smart ones evolve. Sad that life has to be like this, but nothing we can do but learn from it and move on.
crackerjax9 Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 in the same situation...i think were addicted & i dont know why! i feel terrible...so upset...just feel unwanted. i would have given him everything...i also ended contact on friday...we should stick together!
Joker77 Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 I've done it a few times. After this past break up almost six months ago, I won't ever do it again. I'd rather be alone than to be with someone who could care less about me.
CaliGuy Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Here's your cure: Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" Glover. If you don't spend the $10 on Amazon for this book, you're crazy. It explains why men are/become door mats and how to fix the problem.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Do you find yourself in a situation you know you have no business being in, yet remain in? I don't just mean affairs, I mean people who are no damn good for you, who do nothing but take away the joy in your life like a succubus and yet you still keep going back for more somehow? Oh yeah. I sure do. Been a life long curse of mine. I sometimes wonder if I am simply just not meant to be in a legitimate, loving relationship with someone. On the other hand, if I were in one I'm sure I'd find a way to f*ck it up though. I get the zombie feeling sometimes, but mostly I'm just indifferent. What helps is to find a way to sneak some self esteem boosting around the shreds of zombie you have hanging on you. I found that Why Men Love Bitches was a good start. It has nothing to do with being a bitch really. It is mostly about how to conduct yourself so that you are independent and secure with yourself.
robinincarolina Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 We have all been there at some point I believe. Just remember you can change it, but it takes some soul searching and work. It also requires that you see yourself as very valuable. The crappy men are not to blame, you are to blame. It took me a while to figure out that I was the problem not them. I had a choice as to how I wanted to be treated and so do you. Trust me, it feels so much better when you are the one being adored and you are the one that is being persued. You can change the quality of the men you attract in your life, but it has to start with you. Otherwise, thats all that you will ever attract.
robinincarolina Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 There are a lot of great books out there that really helped me to date with no drama so to speak.
Joker77 Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Here's your cure: Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" Glover. If you don't spend the $10 on Amazon for this book, you're crazy. It explains why men are/become door mats and how to fix the problem. That's a very good book.
lovelinefan Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Here's your cure: Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" Glover. Buying this now... thanks for the recommendation.
crackerjax9 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 There are a lot of great books out there that really helped me to date with no drama so to speak. which ones? does that doormat book work for females as well?
robinincarolina Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I have a blog that has lots of great books on that help. My life has changed greatly. I am an advocate of self help books. There are some good ones and some are not so great. Just do your research on line and you will know which ones are worth the investment. One of the best ones I have read was only $15.00.
lora22 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 The crappy men are not to blame, you are to blame. It took me a while to figure out that I was the problem not them. I had a choice as to how I wanted to be treated and so do you. I couldn't agree more. I was in one of these situations, on again/off again for four years; a little over two years ago I finally ended it for good, cut off all contact with him, including changing my number so he couldn't contact me, and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I took a year to just be with me, read self help books, talked to a therapist for a few weeks, did the soul searching, and thought long and hard about what I wanted out of life, in a relationship, how I wanted to be treated, what behavior(s) and characteristics were unacceptable...and I couldn't be happier. I'm still figuring it out as I go, but my relationships with guys have gotten progressively better and drama free. It's really tough, but I hope you do what's right for you, and good luck.
Narf Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Im with you too... So you really are not the only one... I believe i have gotten a lot better. I find if i make an attachment to someone i want to help them, and often when i make that attachment it is to guys that have been thru a fair bit and need some understanding and compassion... However i need to learn how to not make the attachment, if i cant do that then at the very least figure out how to sever it :/ That is what i find hard... I always feel im letting them down when i want to leave cause they are being a doosh! :/
CaliGuy Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 which ones? does that doormat book work for females as well? Not really. You need "Why men love bitches" and "10 Stupid things women do to ruin their lives" to find something of equal value to women.
Montclair0011 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Oh, Doormat Central right here! That's the story of my life. I'm finally trying to overcome these tendencies, but I'm over 50 so it might be too late. I highly recommend exercise and psychotherapy. Self-help books are OK too. One of the best I have read is "The Dance of Anger". I read that around the time I married an abusive man, though, and I married him anyway. I thought maybe being self-aware was enough. NOT. Now with the therapy, I'm dealing with these things better, although I'm beyond miserable. There's no avoiding pain, no matter what help you seek. I'm doing NC now, whereas in the past I would probably be begging the guy to appreciate me and accepting any little crumb of affection.
crackerjax9 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Not really. You need "Why men love bitches" and "10 Stupid things women do to ruin their lives" to find something of equal value to women. i was serious but im sensing that was sarcasm?
lora22 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 I haven't read the Why Men Date/Love/Marry Bitches books, but I have several girl friends who swear that they changed their lives. I went through a self-help book reading phase, and it def. did help me a lot...but 3/4 of the books I read were actually more directed toward men, because I wanted insight into how men think and why they act the way they do ...
lora22 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 And I don't think CG was being sarcastic...I haven't heard of the 10 Things... book, but the other one is basically about women respecting themselves, knowing what they want, and not putting up with crap from men.
CaliGuy Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 i was serious but im sensing that was sarcasm? Nope. It was not sarcasm.
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