iNdespaiR Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 as ive said on my previous post, my situation is very complicated right now. me and my ex broke up exactly a week ago.. i am 4 mos pregnant.. he said he doesnt want to be with me anymore.. i am hurt.. i begged, cried over the phone(we are apart).. he ignored it, and stick with his words.. by then i decided NC.. i just want to lessen if not completely remove the hurt i am feeling.. it is my 7th day of NC with him.. although there are times of the day i still cried hard.. but not all day as in before.. does my descision of NC will really help me go through it.. im not into hoping of him comin back.. i want to kill the feeling of love i still have for him.. guys, let me hear something from you.. i really need your words of wisdom.. thanks.. i really want to move on.. i want to remove all the stress i have right now, it is very unhealthy for me and the baby inside of me..
broken_promises Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 You know, it's funny because I also wonder about NC for my own healing. I do think it actually works for some (ok, probably most) people but then I think back to my first major relationship. We had been together for over 6 years and he cheated on me horribly. After we broke up, we continued to be in contact for about 6 months. He let me cry, scream, be upset, say everything I was feeling. We had a few various instances of goodbye sex. Once that period of grieving with him was over for me, I really could truly move on. While I hold some of the wounds/fears from the infidelity, I completely got over him. I don't ruminate on him. My next ex was a completely different story. We were together 4 years and when she (I'm bisexual) and I broke up, it was on mutual terms. Nothing bad like the cheating I had experienced in my first breakup. However, she only wanted to have short conversations about the relationship/breakup. She withheld what, in my mind, was my ideal closure. Talking, feeling, honoring the relationship... basically what I had with my ex-boyfriend before her. And TO THIS DAY, I hold such hate for her. While I got over the relationship (in other words, didn't want to get back together at all) I never got over the breakup because I felt like she was just wanting to move on without healing together. I am already dreading the current breakup I am about to go through because I think he is going to be the same way - just wanting to be done and move on, when I need to feel like I meant something, that we should be able to talk about things to heal, etc. I am actually considering trying NC with this one just to see if it does help me move on faster. So, maybe the healing potential of NC depends on a) how you process grief and b) who is initiating the NC. I'm not sure. Maybe it depends on what you expect from contacting... if you are wanting to get back together or just wanting closure, if you can handle all of the little wounds that come from keeping communication open with an ex that has also started dating or the truths about the relationship that come out in discussion, etc. I'm sorry for your situation... I know how scared and sad you must be. Keep posting here for support.
contax Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 as ive said on my previous post, my situation is very complicated right now. me and my ex broke up exactly a week ago.. i am 4 mos pregnant.. he said he doesnt want to be with me anymore.. i am hurt.. i begged, cried over the phone(we are apart).. he ignored it, and stick with his words.. by then i decided NC.. i just want to lessen if not completely remove the hurt i am feeling.. it is my 7th day of NC with him.. although there are times of the day i still cried hard.. but not all day as in before.. does my descision of NC will really help me go through it.. im not into hoping of him comin back.. i want to kill the feeling of love i still have for him.. guys, let me hear something from you.. i really need your words of wisdom.. thanks.. i really want to move on.. i want to remove all the stress i have right now, it is very unhealthy for me and the baby inside of me.. I see you're in a tough situation. Worried NC is not working. It depends what you want out of it. If you want to heal - move on and heal. This is hard, cause you're pregnant and your gonna need contact if you have the kid. No contact heals. If people have a dilema about this - they need to decided what they truely want. If I were you, I would get an abortion or something. Personaly I can not see how people can raise kids in the world without 2 parents - initially. My parents were separated. It's challenging, but I don't blame my childhood. I do know that having 2 parents in the home is much stronger in many ways. Also, it's gonna be tough for you as a single parent, and that sorry excuse for a man does not deserve to be the father of your child. Let him screw someone elses life up not yours. Heal and get yourself back girl!
Author iNdespaiR Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 i am really decided to go on with NC.. its my 8th day.. i am not goin to lose this child i am bearing.. anyways thanks for the idea, but i dont think abortion is the answer.. even when the time comes that the baby is here, i am willing to go on NC.. i just want to get over through the pain i am feeling right now.. thats all i want in my life, for me to live happily and peacefully in the near future.. i dont want any false hopes beacuse the reality is its not goin to happen.. i just need strength on this..
lofi_tokyo Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Indespair, The following may not come of much comfort to you, but I believe months or years from now, you will understand. A friend of mine was in a relationship where he loved his girlfriend dearly and they got pregnant. Both of them were incredibly happy - for a while - but it came to a point where he found himself unhappy in the relationship. It seems the child came too soon into their relationship, and the two of them did not have a chance to see if it would stand the test of time. However, my friend did not want to leave the woman pregnant with his child, so instead of breaking things off, he cheated. He had an other woman on the side for months, he even was calling this OW to hook up on the eve of his child's birth. The mother of his child did eventually found out, and broke up with my friend. This was at the end of last summer. The end result is the same for both you and this woman it seems, and that is that neither of you are with the father of your child romantically. However, if you are looking for strength now, then perhaps some can be taken from the fact that the father of your child had the strength to end things without causing more hurt than there needed to be. Someday, you will find a man that wants to be with you, where you can have a relationship that isnt "off and on". Though this break up may seem incredibly difficult right now, and admittedly, I cannot pretend to understand the emotions you are feeling because I have not been in your situation, I know things will get better for you. I know pleantly of happy couples that have a child from other parent, and that does not change anything. Continue with NC if you feel it is right, keep posting on LS, there are many people here much wiser than myself, and do things for yourself and your child. Things will start looking up eventually.
Author iNdespaiR Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 you really strengthen me in a way.. well, although it hurts i really have to face this.. the father of my child have the guts to leave me alone, and he's not even hurt.. while i suffer, eventhough i am carrying his child.. i know and still hoping that everything will get better..IN TIME.. not now.. and for future relationship with other men, i am not sure.. i am deeply hurt with my situation right now.. and its hard to love again:(.. i wanna focus on my child and at the same time, heal the wound that he left me.. what i mean is complete healing, without bitterness on back of my mind.. NC is the only thing i see that can really help me to go through this.. right now, i am in the stage of missing him.. every place i go, i remember him.. all of the songs we used to sing, though its corny, it really made me cry.. every little detail, memories of him made me feel a lot of pain in my heart.. all that i can do is cry.. cause its the only thing that lessen the pain i am feeling.. everytime i go to sleep, thats the only way i can escape my situation, but every morning when i wake up, i dont know how to face the day.. everyday is a bad day, thinking that the man i loved, the father of my child, is not mine.. not on my side.. maybe hated me at this time.. i am waiting for the day that i when i wake up, he's not on my mind.. i hope NC will help me through this..
robinincarolina Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 No contact I think is the best thing, although it is one of the hardest. We all crave closure, but sometimes its just not going to happen. Closure is something we work out for ourselves when so many believe it depends on the other person to provide it for us. If you remain in no contact, I assure you a day will come in the near future, it may be weeks, where he will contact you again. If you cry beg and plead, it will push him away. For the sake of your child, this would not be good. When he does contact, stay calm, pretend you are fine even if your heart is falling out. You may need to rebuild this bridge, not neccesarily getting back together, but to remain nuetral as you will need to communicate because you have a child together. I was in you shoes 17 years ago and I now have a beautiful 17 year old daughter. I can still talk to her father, but feel nothing for him beyond freindship. I have a wonderful man in my life now and all that pain I felt then is gone. By the way though, the father now still says he loves me and has recently asked to reconcile. How funny is that. NO WAY!
Author iNdespaiR Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 that story of yours is very inspiring.. i guess you are right.. now i am 100% sure of my NC.. NC and prayers will help me go through with it... i wish somehow maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago, i have found out about this site, i never came to a point to cry beg and plead to him.. maybe you guys made my mind to go on NC before that dumping happend.. thank you guys you are givin me strength in every reply you are posting.. thanks to LS...
robinincarolina Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Anytime, its hard to go at it alone. You will survive and I promise you this, when that baby gets here, he will take a back seat.
Author iNdespaiR Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 yah i know i can survive with all of this... i am fighter and never a loser in my life... thank you.. love you guys
Author iNdespaiR Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 i really really want to let go all of the feeling i still have for him... thats the only thing causes some pain in my heart:(
robinincarolina Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Unfotunatley, time is the only answer. That and working on loving yourself. I always use what I call the 24 hour rule. I make it through 24 hours, then the next day, I can wake up and say "Hey I made it 24 hours, I can make 24 more" . And the cycle repeats itself and in time you start to heal.
Author iNdespaiR Posted May 26, 2009 Author Posted May 26, 2009 i think thats the process i am doin now.. each day, the pain, is lessen.. honestly.. my posting here on LS made me get over it.. yah right time heals the wound.. cant wait for the next day, week and even month.. i know in month time, i am doin better.. cant wait to see my baby... i made it to 2nd week of NC, really im proud of my self... maybe next week i can get back the smile in my face... thank you ms. robinincarolina for bein supportive to me.. i really appreciates this a lot.. you know what, i cant talk even to my bestfriend.. i because everyday, i am into same issue.. im afraid she might be tired of listening to me... i think, me myself, NC, LS and the persons that keep on replyin to my concern really help me to get over this and completely move on with my situation.. and most of all my prayers...
Author iNdespaiR Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 guys i need to hear from you.. i accidentally found out that he deleted his, friendster, myspace and facebook account.. what does it mean? does he moved on alredy why he did that?.. he already forgotten me at all? we have all our memories in his account.. he really wanna get rid of me..im on my 2nd week of nc.. totally no contact.. do i have to remove him to my aim? what do you think? these things bothered me but not a lot..
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