mortensorchid Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 I would like others' opinions on this topic, if I may ask. Years ago, I fell out with two women friends over the subject of PDA. I had gotten a new boyfriend, I brought him to a party to meet everyone, and they reamed me out afterwards. He and I were kissing, holding hands, etc. during the party, and they said they were sickened by it. Looking back, there were some other things going on with our friendship, and this was a stereotypical act of female cattiness and jealousy. Needless to say, I never spoke to either one of them again. Ever since then, I have been terrified of any acts of PDA. Not that I don't enjoy the acts themselves, but I find that people are so offended by it. There is someone right now who I am sort of with. When we are out in public together, we never acknowledge the fact that we are in any way "together". Instead we hold hands under the table where no one can see us, and we never kiss unless we are alone. We barely acknowledge that we are in any way intimate. If and when we do, I get looks, snitches and snears from men and women friends. Has anyone ever had a similar experience? Has anyone ever adjusted their behaviors? I have adjusted myself to this, some call me an ice queen partially because of it. But, I know better. People get offended by the stupidest things, it seems, and you NEVER know who you will offend, so I stay a perpetual blank slate with others. It's a defense mechanism. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
ruggy Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 I would like others' opinions on this topic, if I may ask. Years ago, I fell out with two women friends over the subject of PDA. I had gotten a new boyfriend, I brought him to a party to meet everyone, and they reamed me out afterwards. He and I were kissing, holding hands, etc. during the party, and they said they were sickened by it. Looking back, there were some other things going on with our friendship, and this was a stereotypical act of female cattiness and jealousy. Needless to say, I never spoke to either one of them again. Ever since then, I have been terrified of any acts of PDA. Not that I don't enjoy the acts themselves, but I find that people are so offended by it. There is someone right now who I am sort of with. When we are out in public together, we never acknowledge the fact that we are in any way "together". Instead we hold hands under the table where no one can see us, and we never kiss unless we are alone. We barely acknowledge that we are in any way intimate. If and when we do, I get looks, snitches and snears from men and women friends. Has anyone ever had a similar experience? Has anyone ever adjusted their behaviors? I have adjusted myself to this, some call me an ice queen partially because of it. But, I know better. People get offended by the stupidest things, it seems, and you NEVER know who you will offend, so I stay a perpetual blank slate with others. It's a defense mechanism. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Why do you care what they think? Tell them to mind their own business or focus on getting a partner to do the same with.
Author mortensorchid Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 You MUST care what other people think, OP. Just wait until it happens to you and you will be scarred.
ruggy Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 You MUST care what other people think, OP. Just wait until it happens to you and you will be scarred. LOL OK. How do you know it hasn't?
Author mortensorchid Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 I ... Don't know if that has ever happened to anyone else, truth be told. But, I have shut myself down at that moment from being too overtly friendly because of that foolishness. People are uptight.
ruggy Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 I ... Don't know if that has ever happened to anyone else, truth be told. But, I have shut myself down at that moment from being too overtly friendly because of that foolishness. People are uptight. Depends on the type of people. This happens freq. around me. Doesn't bother the crowd.
MissViolet Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 If it feels right to you then by all means do it. Although if i were a parent with small children, I wouldn't want my children to see a couple kissing in public... But if you were at a club, bar, a night in town I don't see anything wrong with it. Personally, I would only go far as holding hands or a hug if we're parting ways.
Art_Critic Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 When you are at a close intimate gathering like a party then PDA should be kept to a minimum..IMO Who wants to go to a party to have fun and watch two people that you know suck face all night ? Also.. when at Home Depot in the lumber aisle.. no hand holding or any PDA.. when that happens I'm like WTF ??.. you're here to buy lumber.. can you not touch each others privates for 20 mins.. I don't mind PDA in parks, cars, or other places unless there are children present.. Movie theaters is okay too but no sex.. By the way.. I'm not offended by any act of PDA.. but people should use common sense when doing it and act appropriately for the environment they are in.
ruggy Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 When you are at a close intimate gathering like a party then PDA should be kept to a minimum..IMO Who wants to go to a party to have fun and watch two people that you know suck face all night ? Also.. when at Home Depot in the lumber aisle.. no hand holding or any PDA.. when that happens I'm like WTF ??.. you're here to buy lumber.. can you not touch each others privates for 20 mins.. I don't mind PDA in parks, cars, or other places unless there are children present.. Movie theaters is okay too but no sex.. By the way.. I'm not offended by any act of PDA.. but people should use common sense when doing it and act appropriately for the environment they are in. Oh, come on. Nothing like sex in the back of the movie theater.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 100% agree with Art Critic. Sometimes, I get the impression when two people hang all over each other, and aren't teenagers, that it's more of wanting everyone else around them to know their status because of some sort of insecurity. A kiss, hand holding, a hug..that's fine in the right setting. But As Art Critic said, don't go to Home Depot and stand around stroking each other while you look over plumbing pipes. I also sometimes think, people in the moment with their parter, might not realize how they are coming off to other people. This was a problem with my best friend and her ex boyfriend. I don't think she realized what she was doing really but they were all over each other when we would hang out. Heck, they were all over each other at my parent's house for Thanksgiving. Too much.
Author mortensorchid Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 Well I'm of the opinion that people are uncomfortable for all kinds of reasons (ex. if you were the parent of young kids with said kids around them). I think the major reason that I do not commit acts of PDA in front of everyone is based on that one experience I mentioned. Truth be told, it was a turning point in my life, as I apply it to not just acts of PDA but my whole attitude with people in general. It's rather sad when you realize it, but you can't be yourself around others. People are simply uptight, and you keep whatever it is you're doing to yourself or you risk getting downright attacked by others. Don't believe me? Just wait until someone so mean lashes out at you. You will put up walls around you. Am I being overly cautious? You have to be, you never know what psychos people really are. But as to the PDA issue, when I am with my bunny (my nickname for him ), we only hold hands under the table and kiss when no one is around to look. The times we have been caught, we pull away instantly. Keep them guessing.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 It really depends on the people around you. I don't see anything wrong with holding hands, or a kiss without tongue, or arms around each other, or hugging. If I'm feeling saucy, I might smack my BF's butt when we're walking in the parking lot towards a store. Somebody might have seen - I don't care. But I do agree it's a little inappropriate to be playing tonsil hockey in front of people. That's kinda gross. I guess it just depends on people's thresholds. Some people have a lower tolerance than others. Personally, the things I'm comfortable with (listed above) - if someone holds issue with them, I don't really care - sounds like THEIR issue to me.
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