confusedcookie Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 nc for 16 days now, but heres the question, my ex's birthday and my own birthday is coming up. what is the etiquette for it, should i text him to wish him a happy birthday, and i should expect a happy birthday text for my birthday???
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 I am struggling with the same question! I am trying very hard to not have anything to do with her, but her birthday is in 4 days and I am torn whether I should wish her a happy birthday or not. She broke my heart, tore me into a million pieces, and to be honest I DON'T want to wish her a happy birthday because I feel somehow that will throw me off balance. And on top of that after everything she's done, AND the fact that she is now ignoring me, I don't think she deserves it. On the other hand, though, it's who I am. I have really good manners, and it will bother me to know I didn't wish her a happy birthday, even out of pure courtesy.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 Oh, and no, I don't think you should expect a text from her. If I have learned anything during all this, is not to expect anything. Don't expect her to miss you, love you, or anything good. I believe it'll help you get used to the thought, and it helps not get so disappointed. I posted poems I wrote, and one little tiny sign of vulnerability to her through my blog and her reply to it was simply, "I wish I knew what to say to you." It broke my heart all over again, I had one small moment of vulnerability, and she got the best of it. She pushed me back to the bottom with that simple sentence, and I got tremendously disappointed. Don't expect anything! It'll only make things harder for you and your recovery.
EmperorR Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 I am struggling with the same question! I am trying very hard to not have anything to do with her, but her birthday is in 4 days and I am torn whether I should wish her a happy birthday or not. She broke my heart, tore me into a million pieces, and to be honest I DON'T want to wish her a happy birthday because I feel somehow that will throw me off balance. And on top of that after everything she's done, AND the fact that she is now ignoring me, I don't think she deserves it. On the other hand, though, it's who I am. I have really good manners, and it will bother me to know I didn't wish her a happy birthday, even out of pure courtesy. do you wish random strangers happy bdays?
PinkToes Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 I sent my ex a happy birthday text, but it had been 6 months. I knew I had to be prepared for any response or no response, and I was at peace with that. We'd been NC since the day of the split. He responded immediately, and confessed that he hadn't been doing very well since the break, and that he wasn't completely over it. And he apologized for the nasty way he dumped me. It made me feel better, but I know I got lucky. In the end, I didn't do it based on any sense of obligation or expectation that he'd react in a certain way, it was just something I felt like doing at the time. But bear in mind that it had been 6 months, so I was doing pretty well by then. Before you do anything like this, you have to be able to totally let go of the outcome, and know that it could set you back in your healing. You certainly don't owe the ex anything. If the decision is causing a lot of stress, that's probably a good sign that it's a bad idea.
Author confusedcookie Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 the thing is he might not be a good boyfriend, but he's an excellent friend, and so i wouldn't mind being friends with him, AFTER i'm over him completely. but if i alienate him by not wishing him a happy birthday, then wouldn't that be like not keeping the friend's door as an opportunity for the future? ahhh, i don't know, but yes, i definitely understand about expecting, if you expect, but don't get anything, you get so disappointed. but if you don't expect anything, then you're feelings are neutral, and if something good pops up, than its a happy surprise, rather than it be expected of.
DJMarky Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 I don't see an issue with texting an ex, depending on the situation of course. I text my ex ex happy birthday, and she does the same to me. In fact, we still occasionally talk on msn, she was my first long term relationship, we both lost our virginity to each other etc etc, but I have lost those feelings for her. She has been traveling and has met a new guy, they are dating and I am happy for her. When she told me I had no reaction, just said I was happy for her. My heart didn't jump, I didn't get upset or anything. She was a good girl and we only broke up because I wasn't ready for a long term relationship, and wanted to party during university and didn't want a girlfriend to have to worry about. We have grown since then and everything is fine between us. She moved across country, so I haven't seen her in a while, but we do still talk. I genuinely think she deserves to be happy, and am happy that she is enjoying life. However, my recent ex was terrible to me and I can't bring myself to talk to her in a civil way. I still hate her for cheating on me and don't think I can ever forgive her. Hence, no contact. I still have feelings for her, so a friendship is not possible. It depends on the situation. I can talk to 4 exs, just not the recent one.
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