My 1st post here.....his wife found out

[His_Other_Women]

Not even sure how to begin this.....So I'm the OW in this story. I guess most of us here are considering this is what this board is for right?

 

Anyway......long story short.....meet sweet wonderful man online. Sweet wonderful man has mean horrible wife (according to him).....we talked often, grew attached, fell in love????? Maybe we were just nieve but we told each other we loved each other but sitting here right now today...... I feel so numb and detached from him I just have no clue.

 

So a week ago his wife found out about us. Let me clarify...he lives States away and we have never seen each other. This has been an emotional affair with the occasional sexual email/phone sex thrown in the mix. We were doing this for about 4 or months. Anyway.....she saw an email on his phone he sent me ..... all it said was.... "I love you so much". Well she's sure wh have had a physical relationship as well because after all how can you love someone you have never been with?

 

So he freaked but the next day he had to leave in the morning to go out of town for business. So she finds out Friday night.....he leaves Saturday morning and she wont talk to him for basically the 5 days he's gone. He has no idea what she's thinking or planning on doing. They have 2 children. So he get's home Wed evening......she at least let him come home but she left with the kids. Over the days of discovery he and I talked often.....he still loved me.....would protect me.....blah, blah, blah. Thursday he and his wife have a sit down with the help of a couple the know that know the situation and are willing to help. She talks to him for 10 minutes and then leaves. Say's she will be home Monday with their daughter. Tuesday she is going to see the Priest. He's freaking out...... sounds to me like she's at least willing to try and work it out. She hasnt really asked anything about me plus she doesnt know my real name.

 

So here we are a week later basically and now he's PISSED OFF AT ME. Because I'm hurtng also, because I love him and now he's gone. He said he wouldnt leave... that we would be more careful and he would stay with me. I'm not stupid.....I figured it wouldnt work but I didnt figure he would freak out like he is. Unless something happened and I'm not aware because he wont talk to me. I think he's just freaked out that his marriage is over but I honestly think that she's not stupid and if she is willing to throw away their marriage based on one email then she was looking for a reason to get out. UNLESS....... he's done this before, which he SWEARS he hasnt....... who knows. I want to believe him but is that dumb of me to beleive him when he says that. I believed him when he told me he loved me also but the way he talked to me last night......WOW!!!!!

 

So I finally get him on Yahoo IM late last night and he's PISSED OFF because I told him I missed him, loved him, wished I'd hear from him, where was he, I was afraid he just disappeared and left me. He was very angry and very defensive. It may have been his guilt of hurting one more person.....but he told me to shut up and that this wasnt about ME and that I wasnt the one going through what he was going through and I had it easy compared to him. Which.....yea.....sure I do......BUT does that make my pain of losing someone I love any less real for ME????? I was really hurt when he told me to shut up.....he had not spoke to me like that before.

 

I realize that I only know him for what he wanted me to know considering this was an on line thing. I saw many pictures, know where he works, etc.....For the most part I know this guy......but I know we never REALLY know them....especially when it's all on line.

 

Anyway......I'm not really sure what to think at this point. He deleted his yahoo email account so I can't even get in touch with him unless I call his cell, office, or use his office email, which I wont do because it's traceable and I don't want to hurt him any more regardless of how much his words and actions have hurt me.

 

I'm just really needing to vent here and I'm hoping that once his wife gets back home and they start working on it that I am not dragged more into this mess. I guess time will tell.

 

But should his verbal harshness be an indicator of something or should I just take it as a man who was found out, freaked out and just doesnt want to deal with ME , the OW? I feel like he just wants me to go away and disappear, which I understand and all....... but geez. How could I be so stupid to think he really loved me? And if he DID really love me.....how can he just disappear from my like that? I could have never done that to him. Sometimes I wish I was a guy and wasnt so emotional like we women can be. ...... sigh...... I miss him and I'm worried about and for him regardless of how mean he was.

 

Any thoughts, input or support would be appreciated right now. I'm just so baffeled.

[whichwayisup]

Let this go..Try to heal. Don't ever contact him again. Infact BLOCK him and also throw out his work number.

 

This guy LIED TO YOU about the status of his marriage. He was looking for something on the side, an ego feed.. Yet I'm sure he did care about, maybe even have feelings, but he isn't going to throw away his marriage, kids, family, life as he knows for someone he barely knows. You say 4 months? Atleast this didn't last 4 years!!! Consider yourself blessed that it's over. NO good could have come from this!

 

Once you heal, I hope you find love face to face with a single guy, not some married man online who is looking for an OW, nothing more.

[TroyNJ]

I'm sorry your hurting but the reality is as soon as the Wife found out it was only a matter of time before he broke contact with you. If he "loved" you he wouldn't still be with his Wife. I could say more but this will do you no good at the moment. Again sorry for your pain.

 

Edit, I see what the poster above me said and that's pretty much my thoughts.

[His_Other_Women]

 

I especially liked the line about "how much easier this is on you". LOL WELL WTF DID HE EXPECT? Did he expect YOU to pay the consecuences with his wife? That is the epitome of selfishness. If I were a man I would want to meet him an alley and break his knee caps with a baseball bat.

 

You will never know if he loved you because you never met him, it was all an online fantasy and that is what you get when you engage in online fantasies, heartache and mental angst.

 

 

Personally I would make his life at work a living hell given that he gave you all his work contact, I think he should pay for his games and I feel for his wife and other women he has obviously done this to but because you were a willing participant there is nothing you can do in this case other than to walk away and close the door on this experience.

 

LOL.......I've thought of the make his life a living hell thing...... but I just don't even think I want to go there. Just want to cut my loses and run I guess. Although making HIM sweat is rather appealing......

[wild trillium]

Good idea.Cut your losses and run.And if you are ever in this kind of situation again-cut your losses & RUN!

 

This guy is dishonest and an adulterer.You deserve better and so does his wife.

 

The guy I'm seeing told me that he was separated when we first started talking. He neglected to mention that it wasn't a LEGAL separation. They hadn't lived in the same state for well over a year, if that makes any difference. I told him point blank that although I liked him a great deal I wasn't comfortable with the fact that he wasn't legally separated and that I couldn't continue to see him under the circumstances.He told me that he'd take care of the situation. The next time I saw him he greeted me at the door with a legal sep. agreement that was notarized and signed. We have been having other issues since then but that told me at the time that he wasn't playing around.

 

Don't bother to make his life hell. Makes yours awesome. Karma's a b!tch, you know...

[His_Other_Women]

Good idea.Cut your losses and run.And if you are ever in this kind of situation again-cut your losses & RUN!

 

This guy is dishonest and an adulterer.You deserve better and so does his wife.

 

The guy I'm seeing told me that he was separated when we first started talking. He neglected to mention that it wasn't a LEGAL separation. They hadn't lived in the same state for well over a year, if that makes any difference. I told him point blank that although I liked him a great deal I wasn't comfortable with the fact that he wasn't legally separated and that I couldn't continue to see him under the circumstances.He told me that he'd take care of the situation. The next time I saw him he greeted me at the door with a legal sep. agreement that was notarized and signed. We have been having other issues since then but that told me at the time that he wasn't playing around.

 

Don't bother to make his life hell. Makes yours awesome. Karma's a b!tch, you know...

 

Your right.....I hope things get better for ya'll. I won't waste my time on him. Still miss him.......but glad he's out of my life as I actually didnt know him at all apparently.