Laxman Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 So here is my situation, 5 months ago I met this awesome girl, I'll call her G. At that time a friend of mine had a class with her and was trying to date her so I didn't try to get her number or anything. Two months later I ran into her again, her and I had an awesome conversation and there was definitely a mutual attraction there I didn't get her number this time either because my friend was still there. Three months later, I saw her again at my friends art critique. We talked a little bit, but nothing too special. That night I decided to get her number from my friend and texted her. We talked a little bit and later in the week made plans to grab some coffee. We met for coffee and spent a great day together, the conversation didn't stop for a minute. I called her the next day and talked to her for a while, we didn't make plans because she was busy the next week. I called her again on monday to see if she would like to get lunch the next day, and we did. We met up for about an hour at school before she had to go take her test. The next morning she did something that made me think she liked me, she called me at 9 am and left a voicemail saying she had just finished her last test and wanted to share that moment with somebody. A few phone calls and texts later and now youve got nothing, she wont answer or return my calls, and doesnt respond to texts. I have slowed down and didn't text or call her all week after I left my most recent voicemail. I want to get this girl back becuase I feel like she was really special but I'm not quite sure how to do it, do I leave a voicemail pleading my case, send a text, or just let things be? I figure the expert daters on this site might be able to help me out.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Why would you plead with her? That comes off as creepy and weird. Do you think she might be busy or that her phone might be off? Why don't you start off on a clean plate and ask her out on a date? Don't text her or im her for one, call her. If she doesn't answer, leave her a short voice message asking her out. That'll make sure she at least get your message. I only advise you that you don't get your hopes up. If she doesn't answer your message, it'll be more than crystal clear that she's avoiding you and you have to let her go.
BCCA Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Take my advice, let this one go. She either found someone she liked better, or decided for whatever reason that you werent worth much of an effort. You cant just get her back unless she wants to be gotten, which unfortunately doesnt seem like the case. This exact thing has happened to almost every guy at one point in their life. I know I've gone through it many times, there is no rhyme or reason behind it, the girl just lost interest. You tried, but dont try any more. She saw your texts and heard your voicemail, and chose not to return them. Dont bother anymore, shell just think youre pathetic.
Author Laxman Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 Not so much pleading my case, just saying something along the lines of, "I'm not quite sure what happened but I felt like we really hit it off and I'd like another chance to take you out" Normally in a situation like this I would simply let things be, but this girl is really special. I should also note that she is leaving the country for a month at the end of may. That could have something to do with her reluctance to answer, she might not want to start something before she goes away. Do you think that I should call her and ask her for a date now or in a month when she gets back. One of my original thoughts would be calling her and saying I'm not too sure what happened, but I just wanted to call you before you left and wish you a happy trip" something along those lines, and then calling back again in july to ask for a date.
dreamergrl Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 What are you going to do when she's gone? Why do you want to start something with someone who's going to leave before you have a chance to establish a good solid connection.
Author Laxman Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 Meh, I'd find something to do, I could date other girls and what not. I'm not a bad looking guy, so getting girls isn't too much of a problem for me. It's just keeping them that I have a hard time with. But yeah, I felt a very strong connection with this girl that I have not felt before. So I don't really know.
CommitmentPhobe Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 "I'm not quite sure what happened but I felt like we really hit it off and I'd like another chance to take you out" How about, "I'm not quite sure what happened but you're a f*cking idiot" If you're going to surrender you own dignity, might as well do it in style.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Not so much pleading my case, just saying something along the lines of, "I'm not quite sure what happened but I felt like we really hit it off and I'd like another chance to take you out" Normally in a situation like this I would simply let things be, but this girl is really special. I should also note that she is leaving the country for a month at the end of may. That could have something to do with her reluctance to answer, she might not want to start something before she goes away. Do you think that I should call her and ask her for a date now or in a month when she gets back. One of my original thoughts would be calling her and saying I'm not too sure what happened, but I just wanted to call you before you left and wish you a happy trip" something along those lines, and then calling back again in july to ask for a date. That makes absolutely no sense. You're trying to invest in someone who's not even going to be physically available let alone mentally. I think you're wasting your time. If you have no problems getting girls, then you absolutely have no problem letting this one go.
dreamergrl Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Meh, I'd find something to do, I could date other girls and what not. I'm not a bad looking guy, so getting girls isn't too much of a problem for me. It's just keeping them that I have a hard time with. But yeah, I felt a very strong connection with this girl that I have not felt before. So I don't really know. Ummm Go date other girls then, why worry about someone who wont be here? She can't be that special to you if you'd go date other girls. I think it just hurt your ego that she bailed out on you.
BCCA Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 The problem is, you are sure what happened: she stopped responding. She's blowing you off, and hasnt even bothered to make an excuse. Totally ignoring someone like that is the lowest form of respect. Dont bother, trust me. Its not going to work out like youre hoping, it'll just end up another unreturned call/text. Her loss dude, let it go.
CommitmentPhobe Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Ummm Go date other girls then, why worry about someone who wont be here? She can't be that special to you if you'd go date other girls. I think it just hurt your ego that she bailed out on you. Not sure it's his ego, he's been blinded by this "awesome girl" that's just treated him like utter garbage. He should be thankful because somewhere, some guy is taking her crap. In fact, he should put that in his text too
Author Laxman Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 I suppose you are right. I'm just having a hard time with this one because she was someone I could actually talk to. With most girls I find that I say something and they respond with something stupid. This one thought for herself and responded intelligently. That is pretty much exactly what I'm looking for, and is a hard thing to find where I'm from.
CommitmentPhobe Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 I suppose you are right. I'm just having a hard time with this one because she was someone I could actually talk to. With most girls I find that I say something and they respond with something stupid. This one thought for herself and responded intelligently. That is pretty much exactly what I'm looking for, and is a hard thing to find where I'm from. You can't talk to someone that doesn't respond to your phone calls, and it's not exactly "intelligent" just to ignore someone like that after seeing them a couple of times when they haven't done anything to warrant it. It's just immature
Author Laxman Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 how about a text saying "So I'm not quite sure why you decided to ignore me, but despite that flaw you seemed like a pretty awesome girl, so if after you get back from *insert country here* you would like to give me another shot feel free to call."
CommitmentPhobe Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 how about a text saying "So I'm not quite sure why you decided to ignore me, but despite that flaw you seemed like a pretty awesome girl, so if after you get back from *insert country here* you would like to give me another shot feel free to call." Don't bother, move on, she's a plank. You are not being honest at all with that text. Face it, she's pissed you off.
mr.dream merchant Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 I suppose you are right. I'm just having a hard time with this one because she was someone I could actually talk to. With most girls I find that I say something and they respond with something stupid. This one thought for herself and responded intelligently. That is pretty much exactly what I'm looking for, and is a hard thing to find where I'm from. It bothers me when guys who can't really find decent chicks blame it on their intelligence level. I'm assuming you're from L.A yes? Because I have a friend who was bitching about the same thing two days ago. He said that he can bag girls its just that all of the chick in L.A are dumb and hardly have anything intelligent to talk about. That bothers me alot because its like you're making up for your shortcomings by making a ridiculous blanket statement about a major part of the female population where you live at. More to the point, who cares if she didn't return your phone calls? You indirectly already told on yourself by masking your desperation for this chick with the classic "I can't find girls with anything intelligent to talk about" line. You wouldn't have had to tell me. I already knew this girl was probably one of the only ones in your life right now which is why you're holding on to her which makes sense and isn't wrong at all. But you gotta have some respect and pride for yourself. Why want someone who doesn't want you? She's not returning your calls, she isn't reciprocating attention to say the least. **** that chick man. If you are in L.A, I say suck it up, get over your massive IQ level (since most of the chicks are soooooOoooOo dumb), and get out there and connect with a pretty young chick who enjoys your company. Look past intelligence. I'm not saying land a bag of rocks, but if she's fun to be around then who cares if she's taking intermediate algebra her 2nd year in college. And my bad if this post seemed aggressive, just trying to lend you a tip or two.
dreamergrl Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 I suppose you are right. I'm just having a hard time with this one because she was someone I could actually talk to. With most girls I find that I say something and they respond with something stupid. This one thought for herself and responded intelligently. That is pretty much exactly what I'm looking for, and is a hard thing to find where I'm from. Again. Your ego is bruised. You think you're this amazing catch (maybe you are) and you can date other girls, but this one wont give you the time of day now. She's not special to you, she's just someone that blew you off and you don't like it.
BCCA Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Again. Your ego is bruised. You think you're this amazing catch (maybe you are) and you can date other girls, but this one wont give you the time of day now. She's not special to you, she's just someone that blew you off and you don't like it. I kind of agree. I think you just want to know WHY she blew you off, because you have no idea and its kiling you. I've been there a million times, worrying about everything you said and did, as if you could make any sense of it. Look at it this way: this chick went MIA - THAT's how she handles herself. Thats about as immature and lame, and as far from awesome, as you can get. Sometimes, people show us who we want to see to keep as happy for the time being, but I can promise you that youre not the first guy she did this to, and certainly wont be the last. I also think she could have just met another guy, and therefore, doesnt need attention from you. Otherwise, I could see her keeping you on the hook.
Author Laxman Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 Well I will say this, I'm not from LA, wouldn't be caught dead there. I'm from upstate New York, and from my experience, most of the girls that my friends date just remain silent while we talk, I'm looking for a girl who has something to say for themselves because that is what interests me. You are right in that at the time this girl was the only thing going for me, but I like to take these things one at a time. I wouldn't say that I'm an amazing catch, rather I would say I'm the opposite. I feel as though I am what every girl says that they want but when it comes down to it what they say they want and what they really want are two different things. For one ****ed up reason or another girls want a guy that will treat them like ****. So as far as a relationship is concerned a nice guy like me won't cut the cake. I have a lot of confidence in my looks which is why I said I have no problem with the initial attraction. After that though I'm not so sure, I don't have any 'game' and don't even try that ****, I just try to be as honest and real as I can be. Sadly, this usually doesn't work.
BCCA Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Remember: Ted Williams was probably the greatest hitter in baseball history, and he failed 66% of the time. Some people get lucky, but usually finding someone to date takes a while, especially for guys. Dont let that cause you to accept crap like this from anyone, though.
mortensorchid Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Just move on. It's hard, but move on. She just wanted to share something with someone for a bit (with the test success).
cbreitel Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 You said you want to get her "back". Except, you never had her to begin with. In my opinion you've made it obvious to her that you are already hers to have, which happened the very first time you called, texted or emailed her, she failed to respond, and you decided to just contact her again after being blown off. Your image took a blow with that bad move, as did her respect for you. Every subsequent email, text or call you made without her responding in kind just made the situation even worse. She's gone, dude. Too late for you to salvage anything. If she's interested in you, she knows how to find you (thanks to your 8 million texts emails and calls).
mixwell Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 I don't when the last time you tried to contact her was but I would call her once more and if she doesn't answer leave a voicemail sayin " Hey its X just wanted to say hello, call me when you get a chance" and leave it at that. she WILL check her voicemail and all answers will be revealed if she contacts your or doesn't. A woman that is interested will make sure to contact you back.. Basically leave the ball in her court. Don't over analyze why she isn't contacting you or make up excuses. IF she is interested enough she will contact you and if she isn't then don't contact her.. The more you try to contact her while she is not responding the more pathetic you appear.. I've learned a very basic yet overlooked observation and that is if you contact a girl who has interest in you she will make the effort to contact you back. Its the whole actions speak louder than words saying. See it for what it is and dont think "well she didn't call me back because x or y or z reasons. Trust me if she was that interested in you she would find a way to contact you. Contact her once more and if you get voicemail leave a simple message and the ball in her court. After that do not contact her unless she contacts you back or else you are just acting desperate and trust me she will pickup on it.. Women are like sharks who can smell blood. Don't bleed and she wont smell it haha.
mixwell Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 Just to add.. I know you MIGHT be thinking "Ohh these people don't know what situation I am in" in honesty that is just denial.. Sometimes you need an outside perspective to make sense of a situation you are blinded by with emotion. I have posted a few relationship topics and didn't want to accept the advice given to me but in retrospect looking on those topics from a logical position I can now see that the advice I was given appears spot on.. We do know what we're saying good luck bro !!
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 How about, "I'm not quite sure what happened but you're a f*cking idiot" If you're going to surrender you own dignity, might as well do it in style. LMFAO - this is my vote!
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