SadHatter Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Hi, I'm really confused by a girl who I have been out with a few times. I met her on the first day of work, we both started new jobs at the same company but in different departments so we met for our first day "training". She then began e-mailing me at work quite a bit, which was nice...my new colleagues kept joking and saying how she obviously "fancied me". She asked me to her house on Xmas Eve for a party, but I couldn't make it. But we kept in touch and I invited her to a party a few weeks later and she came and we had a really good time. Anyway, we went out 3/4 times after that, just the two of us, for a drink etc. but I was finding her very confusing. Whenever I would suggest meeting up, she is ALWAYS busy to the point where every single weekend if you say, "hey...do you want to do something this weekend?" she will reply..."Hey...I have no free time this weekend, have xxx's birthday next weekend and am busy the weekend after...how about the weekend of 06/05" - its like she'll ask to see you 4 weeks down the line! It is really weird. Made me think.."hmmm...she can't like me that much or she wouldn't wait 4 weeks to see me". Anyway, the last time we went out, it kinda came to a head. I asked her if this was going anywhere and she said, "We're just friends. I think you're good looking and all but I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't fancy you, I don't feel like I want to kiss you, I just see you as a friend." I was a bit gutted (male pride, what's wrong with me etc. etc. the usual thoughts). Anyway, I was due to go on holiday for two weeks and the next day she sent me a text message and said, "let's meet up when you get back and see how things are." I was thinking, "you've just told me you're not into me...how are things going to be any different when I get back?!". She text me a couple of times whilst I was on holiday and then this week she mentioned meeting up. I said we could do (I didn't know if it was worth even bothering anymore) and asked her how she was fixed for the weekend. She said sorry she was busy and busy for the next 3 weekends (I've never known anyone who always has so much on every weekend as her, Friday, Saturday and Sunday!) and she said about going to the cinema this week. I don't know whether to blow her out or go or what. I don't get the whole situation. Any suggestions anyone? I'm feeling really low right now...I'm usually really confident, but this past year, since my last girlfriend and I broke up from a long-term relationship, I don't seem to be having any luck with women! I'd like to think I am reasonably attractive, have a good sense of humour (everyone says I am funny) and have a nice personality. But every girl I meet lately just keeps giving it the old, "I only see you as a friend". I don't get it. It's been like this for like a year. Meanwhile, my ex is all happily involved in a relationship, all of my mates are settling down, feels like I am getting left behind. I just don't know what I am doing wrong. If it was just one woman, fair enough, but about the last 5/6 women I have been out for drinks with just say they "only see me as a friend." I look at the people they do fancy, and without meaning to sound arrogant, I don't get what they have that I don't. I work hard, have a good job, I have more to offer now than I ever have, yet I used to seem to be able to get women a lot more than I can now. I don't get it. I'm 26 by the way. Meh...I feel really fed up at the moment (doesn't help with going back to work after my lovely holiday!). Any help/advice would be welcome with regards to all of this. Thanks.
BCCA Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 The first thing you need to do is completely ignore this chick. You told her how you feel, she doesnt feel the same way, seeing/talking to her is pointless. You're only doing it with the hopes that it means she changed her mind, but thats obviously not whats going on here at all. You are her 'if all else fails' plans. She isnt going to give up valuable weekend time for you, but she can use a little attention on nights where nothing else is going on. She's also stringing you along, but its obvious to see if you looked, check it out: "let's meet up when you get back and see how things are." I was thinking, "you've just told me you're not into me...how are things going to be any different when I get back?!" This vague statement gave YOU the impression that maybe things would be different regarding her romantic feelings for you, but to HER it meant 'hopefully you wont still want more than a friend when I get back'. By not being specific in what she was saying, she didnt completely burn the bridge. Afterall, if she was to tell you that she will never have romantic feelings for you, you would bail for good. She knows this, women go through this all the time. She's trying to leave it as ambiguous as possible, because she wants to deny the fact that she knows you dont want to be just a friend. She wants to believe you could be her friend, so why not hope that you meet someone else during the time youre being strung along, so shes off the hook. Im not saying shes an evil person, but this is classic behavior. Guy likes girl, girl doesnt like guy, but gives mixed signals to keep him on the hook (ladies, Im sure guys do the exact same thing) just in case shes bored. If she said she didnt want to kiss you today, she never will man. Next, dont be friends with the girls you go out with. Go for that kiss at the end of the night, call your night together a date, tell her she looks sexy, and be a man about it. Don't walk with your hands in your pockets, pretend you dont see that hot outfit she has on, and give a weak hug at the end of the date.
Sam Spade Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Don't walk with your hands in your pockets,. Best dating, no - life advice - ever . (there's a reason military clothing had no handwarmer pockets for the longest time:p).
Recommended Posts