crackerjax9 Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 honestly thats how i feel i feel pathetic, absolutely heartbroken and wanna roll over and die my ex and i split about a month ago... we hung out a week ago everythign went great we wanted to work things out we had sex...i called him the next day and the next and he seemed like he was avoiding me..he told me 2 days later he didnt no if he wanted to be with me... that he didnt no if he wanted to deal with all the stress...I BROKE UP WITH HIM for flirting through texts with girls... im begging HIM back when he broke MY heart... i feel so stupid..so pathetic...i cant stop texting or calling him.. i wanna no for sure its over...i hate everything .. i dont know what to do and i need advice...i think about him all the time im so upset...do i just go no contact? maybe im being too aggressive with getting him back? ughh this is the worst feeling in the worlddd ive never ever felt like this!
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 .. and for the record right now i think im trying to get him back..even tho i should prob move on...i just need advice on what to do... ive been off antidepressants for about 6 months and am so upset i might wanna go back on them ( even tho i think they had some really negative effects on me ) .. ive just honestly never felt so rejected or heartbroken ever... urghh
nature Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Cracker....you need to take some deep breaths, and step back from the situation for a few minutes...i know this is easier said than done...but listen to me.... You broke up with this guy for a valid reason. He was texting and flirting with other girls. In my mind, that tells me he was already half way out the door. Is that a respectful way to behave when he had a girlfriend? No. Does that show him as a mature adult who wants to be in a committed realationship? No. It shows him as a boy still playing, seeking attention and an ego stroke from other women...because he's too insecure to be content with one woman. It tells me he is not happy in himself. Therefore, he needs to find little ego boosts by setting things up so that other women want him. You broke up with him for a valid reason. Now he is saying he's not sure about whether he wants the relationship and the stress? That sounds like a 16 year old talking. It should be you saying that you are not sure whether you want the relationship becuase he has proven to be untrustworthy. Somehow he has turned the whole situation around...and in doing so is making you feel rejected. When in reality, you were the first to reject him by dumping him for behaving like a creep. You need to somehow step back, think about how you felt when you found those texts, and find that same strength and dignity inside yourself that you had when you dumped him. Because you dumped him for a very valid reason. The only person who should be grovelling and begging anyone back here is your ex. And if you can bring yourself out of the delusional place he's put you in...and step back into reality, you will see this. Who does this guy think he is, anyways? Treating you like that in the first place. You need to find that anger again. And allow that to take over from the sadness and depression. Because angry is what you should be. The bottom line is your ex was behaving like a sleazebag and not a loyal, committed boyfriend. Remember this. Stop making yourself feel like he's dumping you. You dumped him first for being a dirtbag. And if he's not willing to see that and work on that, then he is not worth it. I know these are just words. And when hurt is strong at first, no words make you feel better. you just want him back. But if you can allow yourself to see things from an outside perspective, you'd realize how wrong this whole situation is. If I were you, I'd tell him I don't want to be with him. I'd tell him I'm too good for him. I'd tell him he is an insecure little child who has a lot of growing up to do. Stop stroking this guys ego. That's what he wants.
Joker77 Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Crackerjax, Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you say this guy was verbally and physically abusive towards you? Why on earth would you do that to yourself? You deserve better than that. This guy is using you when he needs a booty call and then kicks you to the curb. You sound like you have very low self esteem to tolerate someone who treats you like this. Trust me, I was there myself at one time. Do not, and I repeat DO NOT let this guy continue to run your life. Have some pride and kick him to the curb and find someone who will love you conditionally and treat you the way you should be treated. Just my two cents.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 thanks nature! that really helped and brought me a little back to reality...and joker your right....im just so in love with him and he has me wrapped around his finger right now i dont understand why! i dont have the strength to walk away i wish i could.. right after i wrote that he called me .. .or his phone did and he didnt no it.. i listened to him flirt with some girl at a bar for a good half hour.. i was a wreck he couldnt hear me.. i called him back left the nastiest voicemail .. he sent me a text saying it was just a friend... he doesnt care about me ne more.. i feel unwanted and unloved. maybe i do have a low self esteem... idk i feel like its high sometimes but maybe in boyfriend situations its low i really am miserable.. i never thought it would feel like this.. i know its over now i dont know what to do with myself.. u think he even think of me?
seductress989 Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 CJ, So sorry to hear about your situation with your guy. I have been in a similiar situation with my 2nd boyfriend years ago. I would beg and plead for his attention when he said he needed space or pushed me away. Now, I have learned from this experience which happened 5 years ago. It has taught that the guy will never change their ways and that YOU have to change your ways. I knew that our relationship wouldn't work at the 5 month mark and I waited until the 1.5 year mark to finally end it. It was the hardest thing I ever did looking back but it was the absolute best thing that I ever did for myself. It took 2 or 3 tries with NC until I finally got it right. After I hit the 60 day mark I was completely healed and already meeting new people. Funny thing was I used my pain to lose weight and months later he was calling me wanting me back.......... I hope that you can learn a valuable lesson from this guy and make the needed changes in your life.....Time heals all wounds remember that!
nolanola Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 CJ, I felt like I was reading my own story when I was reading your post! My ex used to do that kind of stuff to me and I was forever trying to get him to love me in the way that I wanted. He would pull me in, then push me away. He would flirt and talk with someone else and then come back to me, saying he wanted to be with me. Nature said it best when she said that your guy has really low self esteem and has to get women interested in him to feel good about himself. I think my ex is the same. Very immature. I loved my ex very much and in some ways still do. But, I went through so much with him that it just killed my self esteem. I thought that if I couldn't make him happy, then there must be something wrong with me. I never considered that there is something wrong with HIM. What a concept. I made so many crazy phone calls, texts, and drive bys that I felt like some kind of psycho. You know what made me stop? I just decided that I didn't want to be that person- the "crazy ex-girlfriend". So I stopped. It was torture. I cried every night, thinking of him out with his new girlfriend. But I stopped calling, texting, breaking into his email (embarrassing but true) and driving by his place. We didn't talk for two months and I started feeling a little bit better. And don't you know the day I stopped thinking about him non-stop he called? Change his number in your phone to "Don't Answer" and live by it. Don't call or text him. If he doesn't value you enough to make you feel loved and valued, then remove yourself from his life. Everytime you want to call or text him, think of how not calling or texting gives YOU control. Control to start healing yourself and to meet the person that will love and value you. Keep posting! You can do it!!
Joker77 Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 Crackerjax, I have been in a few situations where the women I have dated have been verbally,mentally and physically abusive. I blame myself for allowing it to happen. The last girl I dated messed me up because she totally gained my trust and then just walked all over it. I have been 5 months of NC and it's the best thing that has happened to me. She is currently dating some 42 year old man who isn't legally divorced yet and supposedly she is upset about it. I find it funny that she dumped a guy her own age (we are both 31)with no baggage in exchange for a guy who has a ton of it. I say it's this guy's problem now. I have learned a lot about myself by being alone these past five months. I realize what I deserve and it's not a woman who doesn't appreciate me. I hope you can find the same. Best of luck.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 thanks guys i have switched his name several times to things like dont contact dont call..never worked...now its under unavailable to remind me to seem unavailable to him.. its been 2 days of no contact besides a facebook message that i sent saying i dont want to be with him ne more. i unfriended him on it . the thing that really bothers me is picturing him with a new girl or getting with other girls....i dont want to move on from him but im basically being forced. how does he just fall out of love with me like that? he never said that he did i can just tell by the way hes behaving that his feelings arent the same...maybe hes just having so much fun being back home from school..its only been a few weeks & he just got a new job so maybe he feels like he doesnt have time... whatever it is im not waiting around ne more...he had me and he took advantage of it...ive already hurt too much to go back to him and feel all hurt again...i just hope i stick to it this time
robinincarolina Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 For God's sake don't contact and don't call. Hold onto your pride and dignity. Crying, begging, pleading women are very unattractive to a man. Now you can't go back and change what you did. Accept it and make a promise to yourself you will not do that again. When my man told me he needed his space after close to a year, I just let him go, and went into no contact. I did this because I wanted him back and that is about the only way you will get a man back. Less than a month (last night actually) he was on my doorstep professing his love which by the way he has never done. Had he waited much longer, I probably would have already been moved on. Had I cried, begged and pleaded there is no doubt in my mind I would not have gotten him back, just pushed him further away. No calls, no texts, nothing, zero zilch. Its hard, but take it 1 day at a time.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 so your saying even after a week of being pathetic.. now that im going no contact.. hes not going to want me back? im a promotional model and im pretty sure i told him i was working tonight where i was last week and today all hsi friends away messages said they were going to the place i was at tonight.. so i texted him saying for his own good he better not show up... i wound up getting out of my promotion early and not seeing him but i swear if i did i would have spilt my whole tray of free drinks on his face. urkajsdfkla
Joker77 Posted May 25, 2009 Posted May 25, 2009 Quit contacting this low life. You can do much better.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 thanks....i didnt sleep at all last night i woke up in the middle of the night and just started bawling....after lunch i had about 6 texts a missed call... all in reply to messages i had sent him friday night after hearing his mistaken phone call to me... basically calling me a skannk cuz i said im going to hook up wiht someone after hearing that... then he said he called just to make sure it was over blah blah.. i just sent him a text saying i havent gotten with anyone and to leave me alone and he said " gladly" .. urg
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 urggghhadfjalsdkjfa broke no contact today... he started texting me and i texted him back .. still being bitchy saying i dont want nething to do with him.. he said he doesnt no how hell get on with out me and stuff like that( that made me happy).. then he was asking if i was sure i wanted this and i ignored that...i sent him another text and he hasnt answered and now i feel miserable again.. ughh what do i do
nolanola Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 Oh, honey. You have to stop contacting this guy. He is being insanely immature and you are playing into it. You are telling him that you don't want to talk to him but yet are doing exactly the opposite by talking to him. This makes your words seem completely worthless. Right now you are totally at his mercy. You feel good when he gives you positive feedback and bad when he doesn't or doesn't respond. You have to stop living like this...it will destroy you. Believe me, I know. Stop talking to him. Tell him that you need some space and stick to it. Don't text him for any reason. Even texting him to tell him not to show up somewhere is not ok! Let him experience what it's like to not have you in his life. That will be a lot more powerful than sending nasty texts to him. You can do so much better!!!!
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 27, 2009 Author Posted May 27, 2009 thanks nola, sometimes i just need to vent on this site and get other people's views on me and what im doing because mine is obviously all distorted and im not seeing what hes seeing
nolanola Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 I understand, believe me. I have been there so many times. I did things to try to hang onto my ex that I have never told anyone about because they are too humiliating. Be strong and value yourself. BIG HUG
WTFO Posted May 27, 2009 Posted May 27, 2009 urggghhadfjalsdkjfa broke no contact today... he started texting me and i texted him back .. still being bitchy saying i dont want nething to do with him.. he said he doesnt no how hell get on with out me and stuff like that( that made me happy).. then he was asking if i was sure i wanted this and i ignored that...i sent him another text and he hasnt answered and now i feel miserable again.. ughh what do i do End it allready. He is not for you!
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 thanks guys...after he ignored me yesterday he tried texting me again today and it old him i wasnt playing his games ne more and to leave me alone...im not going back to him unless hes done a total turnaround which clearly hasnt happened yet...im realizing maybe im just missing the feeling of being someones girl and having a guy in my life.. i deserve better..its not like im going to marry this guy hes not marriage material ( not trustworthy, not sweet) im just in love with the wrong guy and itll take awhile to get over him
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 our one year would be in a week and a half...im sure ill be getting phone calls and beg backs & ill be miserable so ill need u guys then lol
hijack Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 I just wanted to say thanks to everyone in this post! I am going through a similar situation where my ex is the one who cheated on me and I broke up with her but she switched it around and made me feel like I was rejected. I was a little crap head and begged and txted after her no contact, but it's been a week now and I'm going to keep it that way. I think she's kinda weird because she acts like she still likes me on her FB and stuff, yet she doesn't contact me. If that's the case I will just wait and who knows she might come crawling back and I can be back where I should be. THANKS!
hijack Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 our one year would be in a week and a half...im sure ill be getting phone calls and beg backs & ill be miserable so ill need u guys then lol Well I'll be here! This thread is actually helping me out because I am in a similar situation. Hope everything works out well for you.
Author crackerjax9 Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 wound up hanging out with him on monday.. i told him i wanted to talk and he agreed...we wound up just hanging out at his friends house and not talking..he kept trying to hook up wtih me but i said no...we fell asleep i woke up pissed cuz we didnt talk and he was just not caring...then all of a sudden we were hooking up...the next day he said he wanted to work it out and i was trying ht past couple of days..yesterday i asked him if he wanted ot work it out again and he said he didnt know that he has trust issues, etc and doesnt no if he wants to deal with the bull of our realtionship ( ps hes the one that was betraying me behind my back) .. he came by my house today to get his wallet whic hhe had left in my car...he didnt wanna talk and told me he was bringing a friend bc they were going somehwere else after...i had left his wallet along with his things & a note telling him i dont hate him im just heartbroken and that he needs to give me my space to move on i said thank you for the time we spent together and for all the good times and that he would make a girl very happy one day just not me...i then blocked his number so that i stop texting him and calling him like a pathetic psycho....this guy doesnt want me so im going to disappear from his life and unless he shows up at my door begging me back...im getting over this.
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