dreamergrl Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 It can't be all in my head anymore. I think I'm getting strung along. As D told me he wanted to see me Saturday, last night he sent me an email that I got this morning how about he had to work Saturday, he wasn't happy about it. He hopefully will see me Sunday because he misses me blah blah blah. I think he had today off. It's been almost two weeks since our last date. It's been an interesting week for sure. I've been pleasant and up beat with him, as advised. But yet, I feel like I'm getting strung along. I noticed he has been logged on on the site we met on. The other day I left him a comment on myspace (because it was something that I thought he'd find funny). When I went to do that I happened to see someone on his friends list. It's his ex (the one he moved away from because of fighting too much). I'm not positive, but her default picture looks like one of him and her kissing. I couldn't help my dang self, and I looked at her profile. It was on private, but her status says "Very very happy and the mood set at "naughty". Yet, the other day, I couldn't help but to ask, because I felt guilty about the bowling date, if he was seeing anyone else. He got upset and defensive, stating he's not a cheater, isn't seeing anyone else but me. Half the time I think he honestly does want to see me again, the other half I'm kind of confused. I haven't contacted him unless he contact me first. I've been nice and positive. I know I shouldn't take things to heart so much, and not get overly invested, but I feel confused. I don't want to put time into someone if it's not going to go any where. I guess part of me posting is to vent, so I don't have the urge to contact him.
Star Gazer Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Why would he say he's "not a cheater" given the circumstances? Are you officially exclusive? "I'n not seeing anyone else (i.e., right now)" doesn't necessarily translate to "I don't want to, and will not be, seeing anyone else."
northstar1 Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 It can't be all in my head anymore. I think I'm getting strung along. As D told me he wanted to see me Saturday, last night he sent me an email that I got this morning how about he had to work Saturday, he wasn't happy about it. He hopefully will see me Sunday because he misses me blah blah blah. I think he had today off. It's been almost two weeks since our last date. It's been an interesting week for sure. I've been pleasant and up beat with him, as advised. But yet, I feel like I'm getting strung along. I noticed he has been logged on on the site we met on. The other day I left him a comment on myspace (because it was something that I thought he'd find funny). When I went to do that I happened to see someone on his friends list. It's his ex (the one he moved away from because of fighting too much). I'm not positive, but her default picture looks like one of him and her kissing. I couldn't help my dang self, and I looked at her profile. It was on private, but her status says "Very very happy and the mood set at "naughty". Yet, the other day, I couldn't help but to ask, because I felt guilty about the bowling date, if he was seeing anyone else. He got upset and defensive, stating he's not a cheater, isn't seeing anyone else but me. Half the time I think he honestly does want to see me again, the other half I'm kind of confused. I haven't contacted him unless he contact me first. I've been nice and positive. I know I shouldn't take things to heart so much, and not get overly invested, but I feel confused. I don't want to put time into someone if it's not going to go any where. I guess part of me posting is to vent, so I don't have the urge to contact him. How many dates have you had with him so far?
BCCA Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Wishy washy now = wishy washy later. It would take an asteroid hitting my house for me to cancel a date with a girl I was interested in. Even if I had to work, I couldnt see him working all night long. I would have at least made an attempt to set up a backup plan for our date if I was stuck working too long. And he didnt call or text, he sent an email, probably knowing you wouldnt get it until the next day. Seems pretty lame. As far as getting defensive about being asked if hes seeing someone else, seems fishy. If there is nothing to hide, whats to get excited about? Ive never had any problem calmly telling a girl there is no one else, and proving it to her. And why is he talking to his ex still? Im of the belief that ex bf's talk to ex gf's for only one of two reasons: sex or get back together. Dont read too much into the moods, people do that on purpose. My ex's was 'blissful' lol I could care less why.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 Why would he say he's "not a cheater" given the circumstances? Are you officially exclusive? "I'n not seeing anyone else (i.e., right now)" doesn't necessarily translate to "I don't want to, and will not be, seeing anyone else." It was never talked about. I just simply asked if he was seeing anyone else, I felt guilty about having another date, although it never worked out anyways. I agree it doesn't translate to that, I'm just trying to figure out where he's at. I don't want to go through the drama crap with the 'ex' thing again.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 How many dates have you had with him so far? 4 Wishy washy now = wishy washy later. It would take an asteroid hitting my house for me to cancel a date with a girl I was interested in. Even if I had to work, I couldnt see him working all night long. I would have at least made an attempt to set up a backup plan for our date if I was stuck working too long. Well he doesn't get done until 10 at night. So if that is actually the case and not an excuse, I'd rather wait until Sunday or have had it tonight. And he didnt call or text, he sent an email, probably knowing you wouldnt get it until the next day. Seems pretty lame. As far as getting defensive about being asked if hes seeing someone else, seems fishy. If there is nothing to hide, whats to get excited about? Ive never had any problem calmly telling a girl there is no one else, and proving it to her. I thought the same thing. Although I don't even know why he'd get so defensive when we never even had a talk about it before. He said "I can't believe you think that low of me". And why is he talking to his ex still? Im of the belief that ex bf's talk to ex gf's for only one of two reasons: sex or get back together.{/quote] He said it wasn't a bad break up, it just wasn't working out because they fought a lot. Not to read into myspace crap, but she got lowered on the friends list. Dont read too much into the moods, people do that on purpose. My ex's was 'blissful' lol I could care less why.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 It was never talked about. I just simply asked if he was seeing anyone else, I felt guilty about having another date, although it never worked out anyways. I agree it doesn't translate to that, I'm just trying to figure out where he's at. I don't want to go through the drama crap with the 'ex' thing again. Just sit back and play it cool. Let him make all the moves, but you should not feel guilty dating other guys at the moment. When you meet the right guy... you won't have doubts like this. This guy seems noncommittal.
Trialbyfire Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Do you know where he works and is he accessible to the public?
Author dreamergrl Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 Just sit back and play it cool. Let him make all the moves, but you should not feel guilty dating other guys at the moment. When you meet the right guy... you won't have doubts like this. This guy seems noncommittal. I can't help but to feel guilty. I don't know why, but it's just like a feeling that comes natural. Do you know where he works and is he accessible to the public? Yes and yes, why?
northstar1 Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Just sit back and play it cool. Let him make all the moves, but you should not feel guilty dating other guys at the moment. When you meet the right guy... you won't have doubts like this. This guy seems noncommittal. Exactly. Don't put all your stock in this guy yet. Keep dating others, and let this guy make a move to show he is interested. If after a few more dates he is still acting aloof, then I'd move on. The early stages of dating are often vague. And I'd stop the cyber snooping, accidentally or not, way too easy to read into things.
Trialbyfire Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 If you want a real answer to your doubts, find a way to see if he's really working, whether you show up or a friend does it for you. If you recall, he mentioned that he was broke. An extra night working will bring in some much needed income.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 Exactly. Don't put all your stock in this guy yet. Keep dating others, and let this guy make a move to show he is interested. If after a few more dates he is still acting aloof, then I'd move on. The early stages of dating are often vague. And I'd stop the cyber snooping, accidentally or not, way too easy to read into things. Yeah, it really wasn't my intentions to snoops, it just kind of happened, and one thing led to another. But I see what you are saying. If you want a real answer to your doubts, find a way to see if he's really working, whether you show up or a friend does it for you. If you recall, he mentioned that he was broke. An extra night working will bring in some much needed income. I couldn't just show up. It would be obvious, as it's not in my area. I don't have friends in that area either.
motive2002 Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 I think you are being too serious. Try not to care as much. So what if his ex is in a naughty mood. Maybe she got herself a new man she's excited about. You don't know. The only thing that concerns me, is no date for 2 weeks. If I was held out for that long, I'd be looking elsewhere and not caring so much about the less available guy. Only thing I could suggest is to be more carefree about it. He could turn out to be a cheating douchebag, but so could ANY guy you start to date. No sense in worrying about it.. trying to spy for clues etc. You'll only cause yourself needless anxiety in the process. Try to relax
Author dreamergrl Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 Uggghhh this is so frustrating. I want to see him. He just sent me an email.... now two people quit... he doesn't know what is going on with the weekend.
motive2002 Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 I hadn't thought of it until now, but you might have to let go. Say, "Hey Mr. D, I've been thinking about it, and we just don't seem to get a lot of time together and I really want to be with someone I can see more often. Once every couple of weeks really isn't going to cut it for me." Don't play any games, just decide what is acceptable for you and make choices based on that. Revel in your ability to do what's good for you!
Trialbyfire Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 It sounds to me like he's been telling you the truth about work. So why do you feel it's worthwhile to pull him in two directions? Just remember he's not doing this "to" you. It's not personal. If the amount of time he's spending with you isn't enough, then yes, I agree with motive. Time to find someone who has more time to focus on you. It's called incompatibility.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 It sounds to me like he's been telling you the truth about work. So why do you feel it's worthwhile to pull him in two directions? Just remember he's not doing this "to" you. It's not personal. If the amount of time he's spending with you isn't enough, then yes, I agree with motive. Time to find someone who has more time to focus on you. It's called incompatibility. It's not really the amount of time. It's I'm not sure what to think or trust any more. I'm viewing everything has the glass is half empty. I don't now how to look at it different. I'm so freaking frustrated with any and everything right now. Between X, work, family, and everything in between, I feel just BLAH. I feel insecure about EVERYTHING. Stupid X has my mind going in a hundred different directions.
Trialbyfire Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 It's not really the amount of time. It's I'm not sure what to think or trust any more. I'm viewing everything has the glass is half empty. I don't now how to look at it different. I'm so freaking frustrated with any and everything right now. Between X, work, family, and everything in between, I feel just BLAH. I feel insecure about EVERYTHING. Stupid X has my mind going in a hundred different directions.You're ready for a dating break so you can get your mind back onside. Get the rest of your life stabilized before entering another situation that's going to complicate it. I can feel your frustration. Take some time off and break things down into bite sized pieces, instead of allowing everything to overwhelm you.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 Alright... so after sleeping off four margaritas.. This is what I have come to for a conclusion. I replied to the email saying "Well if you have to work Sunday, why don't you just come over after work?" This way, if he really is wanting to see me like he claims and is interested, I'll know. I mean I would think he'd come. If not, I'm ceasing contact until he can make DEFINITE plans. As for X. I am not going to let him get me frustrated. I don't care if he's two blocks away. I don't care period. He's X for a reason. He caused me a lot of drama and I will not let that back into my life. As for bowling date guy, I think I am going to decline. I don't need any more confusion in my head right now. I like D, and while it's too early to commit, I want to see what happens this weekend and do that with a clear mind. As for other life's frustrations, I am not going to permit them to get my anxiety going. If it's something I can't help, then I will just let it lie and take things as they come.
loveslife Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 After going through a recent dating fiasco myself I'm coming to remember some things about relationships... mainly, when it's right it feels GOOD. No matter how wacked out the rest of your life is, when a relationship is good it feels....once again....GOOD. When I started seeing this recent guy I was stressed all the time. And I was convinced it was ME, my insecurities and inabilities. But now that it's over, I'm remembering the relationships that were good. And no matter what else, I felt valued by the guy. From the very, very, very beginning. Ay, a friend told me when I first started seeing recent guy, and I was making all the excuses for him not being the cause of my issues and worries...she said, it doesn't matter the reasons, it just matters how you feel. Dreamergrl, take what I say with a grain of salt, but I see you approaching this just the way I did with the recent guy. I doubt anything anyone here can say will really make a difference. It's just something you're going to have to go through. But there are people here who care, so you're doing pretty well.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 After going through a recent dating fiasco myself I'm coming to remember some things about relationships... mainly, when it's right it feels GOOD. No matter how wacked out the rest of your life is, when a relationship is good it feels....once again....GOOD. When I started seeing this recent guy I was stressed all the time. And I was convinced it was ME, my insecurities and inabilities. But now that it's over, I'm remembering the relationships that were good. And no matter what else, I felt valued by the guy. From the very, very, very beginning. Ay, a friend told me when I first started seeing recent guy, and I was making all the excuses for him not being the cause of my issues and worries...she said, it doesn't matter the reasons, it just matters how you feel. Dreamergrl, take what I say with a grain of salt, but I see you approaching this just the way I did with the recent guy. I doubt anything anyone here can say will really make a difference. It's just something you're going to have to go through. But there are people here who care, so you're doing pretty well. I can see your point. I really can. But really the only thing that bothers me is the not knowing when we'll be getting together again. I like it when we do hang out. It's too early for me to be fretting about other things, it really is. I'm not used to relationships progressing like this. Guys normally hit me hard right away. But those are the relationships that went sour. I feel like I'd love to see him again.
loveslife Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 I can see your point. I really can. But really the only thing that bothers me is the not knowing when we'll be getting together again. I like it when we do hang out. It's too early for me to be fretting about other things, it really is. I'm not used to relationships progressing like this. Guys normally hit me hard right away. But those are the relationships that went sour. I feel like I'd love to see him again. Not to be too obnoxious, but that's just what I said at the beginning with recent guy, too. The only thing that bothered me was not knowing when we'd see each other again. I see now that I was not a priority....It was always his work. Busy, busy, busy. The fact that other relationships started so strong but then fizzled out....well, I felt that the slowness might be good, too. But there's a difference between starting "too strong" and starting strong as in healthy and wanting to be together. When guys are interested they make sure they know when they'll see you again. It really is that simple. But more than anything it comes down to how he makes you feel. Do you feel valued? If so, there's nothing to feel anxious about.
loveslife Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Or rather, if you felt valued I don't think you'd feel so anxious. But again, this is a path you're going to have to travel it seems.
Author dreamergrl Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 So you think that because he ended up having to work, it's just an excuse?
loveslife Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 So you think that because he ended up having to work, it's just an excuse? I agree with what men on this forum say all the time, if a guy is really into a girl nothing will stop him from seeing her. And he would want to see you sooner rather than later. You'd know and you'd feel valued. Seriously.
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