SweetyBear Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 I broke up with my boyfriend for being neglectful, but realized shortly after that I had made a mistake. Initially, he said he was very hurt and didn't know if he could talk to me or not. We've made plans to meet and talk and he'd always have something come up. He is very busy with his work, which was a big part of our breakup in the first place. I broke down one day and started telling him about some stuff going on with me, stemming all the way from childhood and how I'm in the process of getting help in counseling. Anyway, we broke up about six weeks ago now. He knows exactly how I feel. He knows I want to get back together with him. He knows that I know I messed up. He keeps making plans to sit down and talk, but doesn't follow through. He has not said to stop bothering him, etc. I had to go to calling hours the other night for a young woman, way too young to have passed. Anyway, it really hit me about how short life is, etc. I ended up texting him like 8 different times with no response. I started out with Just got back from calling hours...this is silly...we love each other...please let's work it out. Over the hours, pleading in the texts got worse, and no response. My final text was It kills me how indifferent you are to me now. I won't bother you with my love anymore. I got a response that time. He just said I'm not indifferent, I'm at work. That was it. That was on Wednesday night and I've had NC with him since, so it's been less than two days. I guess the part I don't get and on which I need a male perspective is if you really had no intention of working things out, why be so cruel as to make plans to do so and keep breaking them? I have also had the thought that maybe he's trying to teach me a lesson and show me just how busy he can be with work, so I will never complain about it again. I know you all can't really give me an answer and get inside his head, but any insight/perspective is appreciated. Metro was giving me some good things to go on about really trying to let him see he can trust me and that I'm not going to just break up with him again, but if he won't sit down and talk to me, I don't know how I can do that. A letter was also suggested. Maybe from a guy's prespective, I don't even deserve a second chance? I don't know.
lonelypiscesguy Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 You absolutely deserve a second chance. To me, as long as there is no hitting or cheating or raging drug or alcohol abuse, most things can be worked out.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 I don't even know if the 2nd chance is yours to get as much as he should be the one asking for the 2nd chance. You broke it off with him for being neglectful. It is him that should be seeing that and wanting you back. Its almost as if he was enjoying you constantly and desperately texting him and such to get him back...then you said you won't bother him anymore and he realized that you might actually go no contact. I don't know...sounds like he neglected you in the relationship and played with your emotions when you tried to contact him after you broke up. Sounds like he is the one that should be asking for the 2nd chance and he is showing why you dumped him in the first place.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 wait a minute, you posted the same, but more detailed story, in "The worst mistake I ever made" In that post you described him as a bad boy jerk. Its now not surprising that you see it as you need a 2nd chance. He has got you mesmerized with the whole bad boy aura. So basically, he is a bad boy...you break up with him...but stalk him...now I really see why he ignored your texts. He got off on it. He was probably just pleased with himself thinking..."ya, I own this girl". hes a jerk, you break up with him, and he even has you thinking that it is YOU that messed up. Wow....just wow. he must just be really good looking, or has a mondo schlong...I don't know. Cuz why else would a decent girl put up with being treated like sh#t and be thinking that they made a mistake in breaking up with a jerk?
Author SweetyBear Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 Hmmmm, I was not really wanting to hear something like that. He was always very loving to me in our relationship, but tell me if I was right to be upset. Keep in mind that his job is very stressful and long hours and all that. He and I had been in a relationship for over a year. For the past 6 months of it, we only spent about 14 hours together (Sat night into Sun morning) out of every two weeks together. Also, we had decided because I was unhappy with the amount of time, to have dinner together also at least once a week. Those dinners never happened and the straw that broke the camel's back was that we had made dinner plans one night, I called him after I left work at about 5:30, he said he might have to stop in to work, but that he'd call either way. He didn't call--at all--until the next afternoon when he was all cheery and leaving me a voicemail about this and that. I was not receptive. I was just luke warm. Our conversations on the phone were that way for about the next four or five days. Finally, he calls me in the middle of the night because it occurred to him that something has changed and I'm acting different and that was when I broke up with him. Now, even with all that BS, I love him and want to be with him. He was always very good to me when we did spend time together; we're very compatible personality-wise; our physical relationship was awesome and we got along very well except for the time apart thing. I know it's not all my fault, but I do have serious self-esteem issues and would always think he didn't want to spend time with me or things like that rather than that he really needed to be at work. I no longer think that, but he could be a lot more courteous in letting me know about plans changing etc. instead of just having me wonder. I just feel like now he has no intention of meeting me halfway at all.
Author SweetyBear Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 He was not the bad boy in my other post... I said I have a history with bad boys, but had finally found a good man and then ruined it with him because of my self-esteem issues. He's so not a bad boy, really.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 He was not the bad boy in my other post... I said I have a history with bad boys, but had finally found a good man and then ruined it with him because of my self-esteem issues. He's so not a bad boy, really. Ok, yes...you are right. Was a while since I read that story. Thought he was the bad boy too. Ok sorry, never mind that about him being a bad boy.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Hmmmm, I was not really wanting to hear something like that. He was always very loving to me in our relationship, but tell me if I was right to be upset. Keep in mind that his job is very stressful and long hours and all that. He and I had been in a relationship for over a year. For the past 6 months of it, we only spent about 14 hours together (Sat night into Sun morning) out of every two weeks together. Also, we had decided because I was unhappy with the amount of time, to have dinner together also at least once a week. well if he was truly neglectful, yes you had a right to be upset. Seems he is just a victim of his work. Its what makes the world go around and we can't get away from it unless we are independently wealthy. You still were right to be upset with the amount of time...but now that you explained it in more detail rather than leaving us to believe he was just plain neglectful for not caring....it makes a difference Those dinners never happened and the straw that broke the camel's back was that we had made dinner plans one night, I called him after I left work at about 5:30, he said he might have to stop in to work, but that he'd call either way. He didn't call--at all--until the next afternoon when he was all cheery and leaving me a voicemail about this and that. I was not receptive. I was just luke warm. Our conversations on the phone were that way for about the next four or five days. Finally, he calls me in the middle of the night because it occurred to him that something has changed and I'm acting different and that was when I broke up with him. Now, even with all that BS, I love him and want to be with him. He was always very good to me when we did spend time together; we're very compatible personality-wise; our physical relationship was awesome and we got along very well except for the time apart thing. I know it's not all my fault, but I do have serious self-esteem issues and would always think he didn't want to spend time with me or things like that rather than that he really needed to be at work. I no longer think that, but he could be a lot more courteous in letting me know about plans changing etc. instead of just having me wonder. I just feel like now he has no intention of meeting me halfway at all. Geez, this would have been all good information to know before instead of just saying he was neglectful. It leads us to believe he is just an uncaring prick. you still have a right to be upset with the amount of time spent, but you probably need to cut him some slack. His worst crime so far is making a living. Some of us aren't fortunate enough to have the perfect hours and can be home at 5pm every day and never work weekends. Ok so now I can see how you came to think you are the one needing a 2nd chance. I don't think this is anything that can't be fixed...just convey to him that you just want to be with him so much that it hurts to be apart. Let him know how you feel and make him feel it.
hopesndreams Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 he must just be really good looking, or has a mondo schlong... :lmao:
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