Chrome Barracuda Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Stay single cali, dont wrap your brain around the dating thing right now, you should just lean back and have fun.
Author CaliGuy Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 So it would seem. An answer to the did I seriously cock it all up or am I really being true to myself question would be nice eh? I think I'm being true to myself as far as I can tell Stay single cali, dont wrap your brain around the dating thing right now, you should just lean back and have fun. I dunno, the single life can get boring. It's Friday night and I'm on LS instead of chilling with someone special on the couch watching a movie...
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 I think I'm being true to myself as far as I can tell I dunno, the single life can get boring. It's Friday night and I'm on LS instead of chilling with someone special on the couch watching a movie... It's friday night and I recently just got home from work, I dont have time to date! lol. And why'd are you in the house, get your homies together and hit up a sports bar, talk to some girls , hang out.
2sunny Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 While that is true, especially where I used to live (LA/OC), San Diego is a bit more down to earth. i understand all the areas you listed perfectly well... they still have the high volume of "fake and plastic" everywhere you turn. in fact - those of us natural women are rare in this area. just saying that you may be looking for certain things in a gal that aren't very prevalent given the demographics of the "norm" here.
Flying Burrito Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 I think I'm being true to myself as far as I can tell -- I dunno, the single life can get boring. It's Friday night and I'm on LS instead of chilling with someone special on the couch watching a movie...Yeah, that's what she said. Though Amy put her uniquely mirthful yet cutting spin on it... 'Oh yes. It will make an impressive epitaph, Burrito, lived alone, died alone. He was true to himself.'
Author CaliGuy Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 It's friday night and I recently just got home from work, I dont have time to date! lol. And why'd are you in the house, get your homies together and hit up a sports bar, talk to some girls , hang out. All my "homies" want to do is get drunk and fornicate. While that may suit most people well, I got that out of my system a long time ago and am not on the hunt for "two legged deer". I want a long term, lasting, meaningful relationship. The COOL homies are all home taking care of their wives/kids. i understand all the areas you listed perfectly well... they still have the high volume of "fake and plastic" everywhere you turn. in fact - those of us natural women are rare in this area. just saying that you may be looking for certain things in a gal that aren't very prevalent given the demographics of the "norm" here. Ok fine. Send me a midwestern hottie, lol! Seriously, the women in SD are a lot cooler than the ones in OC/LA. Yeah, that's what she said. Though Amy put her uniquely mirthful yet cutting spin on it... 'Oh yes. It will make an impressive epitaph, Burrito, lived alone, died alone. He was true to himself.' MY epitaph will say "He lived, he did not love, he died...the end..."
Flying Burrito Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 The COOL homies are all home taking care of their wives/kids.Right yeah. There is overwhelming evidence that the majority of "COOL homies" are miserable, self-hating and cheat on afore-mentioned wives/kids, but you enjoy your emo pussy fantasy there dude...
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Right yeah. There is overwhelming evidence that the majority of "COOL homies" are miserable, self-hating and cheat on afore-mentioned wives/kids, but you enjoy your emo pussy fantasy there dude... Dayum did someone drink a whole gallon of Haterade this morning??? Maybe he means that all his cool friends are in serious relationships at the moment. Cali listen right now, just because your looking for a serious relationship doesnt mean you'll find one. The thing is, Are you seriously looking for one. You cant wish it to happen and stand still expecting it to. You gotta put yourself out there. And what's wrong with Fornicating??? lol. Your friends have the right idea. Your single and if you dont want to have sex, then just tell the girl so. lol.
Flying Burrito Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Dayum did someone drink a whole gallon of Haterade this morning??? Maybe he means that all his cool friends are in serious relationships at the moment.Just keeping it real son.
2sunny Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 on one hand i understand you wanting to date someone you are interested in and want to spend time with. if you don't find someone IDEAL - then what's wrong with the idea that you spend time with gals that you like enough to enjoy similar interests together but aren't necessarily looking to have sex with them or marry them? i never mind being alone or on my own. i like myself and enjoy myself whether or not i'm in the company of friends. with that said - i also enjoy going certain places with people i like. if i have great people around for the things i enjoy - i consider it an added bonus.
Author CaliGuy Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 on one hand i understand you wanting to date someone you are interested in and want to spend time with. if you don't find someone IDEAL - then what's wrong with the idea that you spend time with gals that you like enough to enjoy similar interests together but aren't necessarily looking to have sex with them or marry them? i never mind being alone or on my own. i like myself and enjoy myself whether or not i'm in the company of friends. with that said - i also enjoy going certain places with people i like. if i have great people around for the things i enjoy - i consider it an added bonus. Well I can keep myself entertained and I like who I am so that's not an issue Read below.... Dayum did someone drink a whole gallon of Haterade this morning??? Maybe he means that all his cool friends are in serious relationships at the moment. Cali listen right now, just because your looking for a serious relationship doesnt mean you'll find one. The thing is, Are you seriously looking for one. You cant wish it to happen and stand still expecting it to. You gotta put yourself out there. And what's wrong with Fornicating??? lol. Your friends have the right idea. Your single and if you dont want to have sex, then just tell the girl so. lol. It's just not me dude. I'm a born again Christian and that's just not part of my life anymore. I did it for 10 years. Pro band, lots of clubs, lots of hot chicks and lots of wild sex. I don't want any part of that life anymore! That said, I am going on a date right now...and it's 12am So yes, I am putting myself out there, I have gone on TONS of dates. Nobody, no how, no way has lit my fire. And yes to the post above, all my friends are married with kids so we can't like, you know, hang out very often.
notalone Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Well I can keep myself entertained and I like who I am so that's not an issue And yes to the post above, all my friends are married with kids so we can't like, you know, hang out very often. I am 27 and even now I can relate to what you say. Most of my friends are either married or in serious relationships. And none of the single ones are heart-broken like me. It's not that I don't want a fulfilling relationship, but I am too scared of being hurt again (also, I think I am still secretly a little bit in love with my ex). Wonder if I will ever find anyone again. I find that it's in fact easy to attract people, the difficult part is being attracted myself. What tops it all is the facebook status messages of my ex dedicated to his new girl. So yeah, life sucks. By the way, no dearth of interesting single women in their 30s and 40s...at least here in Britain. Everyone over 20 has baggage...you do too I guess. Hell I am 27 and I am bending under the weight. Maybe you should push yorself to go on a second date...you never know!
Author CaliGuy Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 I am 27 and even now I can relate to what you say. Most of my friends are either married or in serious relationships. And none of the single ones are heart-broken like me. It's not that I don't want a fulfilling relationship, but I am too scared of being hurt again (also, I think I am still secretly a little bit in love with my ex). Wonder if I will ever find anyone again. I find that it's in fact easy to attract people, the difficult part is being attracted myself. What tops it all is the facebook status messages of my ex dedicated to his new girl. So yeah, life sucks. By the way, no dearth of interesting single women in their 30s and 40s...at least here in Britain. Everyone over 20 has baggage...you do too I guess. Hell I am 27 and I am bending under the weight. Maybe you should push yorself to go on a second date...you never know! Naw, just like tonight. I find someone I am interested in, contact them, go out and struggle with maintaining an interesting conversation mainly because I am not attracted to them. I don't need someone HOT. I just need some that gets me excited to see them. There's a difference in my opinion. All of my ex's are attractive but not HOT by most standards. It wasn't until we got to know each other that I felt they were HOT in my eyes. But again, the initial attraction was there. Haven't felt that in some time now. Maybe I am still emotionally numb?
Soul Bear Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 It wasn't until we got to know each other that I felt they were HOT in my eyes. That how I felt about my current x fiance. Its a weird feeling huh?!
westernxer Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Seriously, the women in SD are a lot cooler than the ones in OC/LA. I feel your pain, man. Then again, I'm not in a situation where I can have a normal relationship, at least for the time being. Would be easier if I were an immigrant and had access to one of those ethnic communities. LOL
amaysngrace Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Maybe you aren't emotionally numb as much as you are misdirected in what you initially find attractive? I know before you said you have a big long list of what you want and what you will not accept about a woman. But maybe it's superficial just a little? I'm not saying that in a bad way. It just may be that your list was formed by you when you were younger? So it could be that those same standards are unrealistic because you formed them from an immature perspective? And they just don't jive with who you are today? Hence the confusion??
Flying Burrito Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Naw, just like tonight. I find someone I am interested in, contact them, go out and struggle with maintaining an interesting conversation mainly because I am not attracted to them. I don't need someone HOT. I just need some that gets me excited to see them. There's a difference in my opinion. All of my ex's are attractive but not HOT by most standards. It wasn't until we got to know each other that I felt they were HOT in my eyes. But again, the initial attraction was there. Haven't felt that in some time now. Maybe I am still emotionally numb?My ex is traffic stopping HAWT. For those of us that need to BE IN LOVE and STAY IN LOVE, hot is inconsequential. I hear you regarding attraction. Again, it's not physical attraction, it's whole package attraction. I got slammed on these boards before when I explained that my ex ranting a mile a minute about infinity theory turned me on, my ex eating a cheeseburger turned me on, seeing my ex across the room turned me on, the ex hugging me turned me on. Almost everything about what I want in a woman has zip to do with sex. It's WHO a person is and what a person does that attracts me, holds my attention, interests me.
sedgwick Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 You seem way too cool to be alone forever, even if you ARE a Christian. after all, your last love was within the past year, right? Do you think there's any chance you're being too picky? After all, if every woman who struggles with depression is an automatic no, that's cutting out an awful lot of the population! I take antidepressants and have done a hell of a lot of therapy to contend with my sadness. Does this mean I should never have another relationship? (not that I will anyway, that's a rhetorical question. I never even get flirted with.)
Author CaliGuy Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 I feel your pain, man. Then again, I'm not in a situation where I can have a normal relationship, at least for the time being. Would be easier if I were an immigrant and had access to one of those ethnic communities. LOL And how, WXER! By the way, good to see you around. I miss our old banter here on LS and wondered how you were getting along!
Author CaliGuy Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 Maybe you aren't emotionally numb as much as you are misdirected in what you initially find attractive? I know before you said you have a big long list of what you want and what you will not accept about a woman. But maybe it's superficial just a little? I'm not saying that in a bad way. It just may be that your list was formed by you when you were younger? So it could be that those same standards are unrealistic because you formed them from an immature perspective? And they just don't jive with who you are today? Hence the confusion?? I am a little superficial but I think we all are to some degree. If we're not attracted to overweight women there's nothing we can do to change that. The woman that I ended up meeting last night was way heavier than her photos (surprise, right?!). I can't get past that, especially when no connection has been made on a romantic level. When you meet someone new, all you have to on is the surface. It takes a long time to get to know them as a person and so, getting to the point of really being attracted to them takes a long time for me. I'd need to see them on a regular basis and if there's no initial attraction, there's nothing to motivate me to see them more, you know? My ex is traffic stopping HAWT. For those of us that need to BE IN LOVE and STAY IN LOVE, hot is inconsequential. I hear you regarding attraction. Again, it's not physical attraction, it's whole package attraction. I got slammed on these boards before when I explained that my ex ranting a mile a minute about infinity theory turned me on, my ex eating a cheeseburger turned me on, seeing my ex across the room turned me on, the ex hugging me turned me on. Almost everything about what I want in a woman has zip to do with sex. It's WHO a person is and what a person does that attracts me, holds my attention, interests me. True. I agree the physical attraction needs to be there but I'm more interested in WHO they are as a person overall than WHAT they are. I can like someone I am not attracted to but I won't fall in love with them or want to be physically intimate with them. Those are pre-requisites to me for love to exist. You seem way too cool to be alone forever, even if you ARE a Christian. after all, your last love was within the past year, right? Do you think there's any chance you're being too picky? After all, if every woman who struggles with depression is an automatic no, that's cutting out an awful lot of the population! I take antidepressants and have done a hell of a lot of therapy to contend with my sadness. Does this mean I should never have another relationship? (not that I will anyway, that's a rhetorical question. I never even get flirted with.) Thanks, I think LOL No not at all. My ex was depressed, the last two, really, when I met them. I try not to put myself in a position where I end up helping them heal anymore because usually it ends up they either build their confidence and decide they want more than me or they stay depressed and think they don't deserve me. Either way I end up losing. That is why I stay away from women who are depressed or lack confidence. If they are confident in themselves now and like me, the odds are better the relationship will work out. And I don't want to be an enabler....
amaysngrace Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 I am a little superficial but I think we all are to some degree. If we're not attracted to overweight women there's nothing we can do to change that. The woman that I ended up meeting last night was way heavier than her photos (surprise, right?!). I can't get past that, especially when no connection has been made on a romantic level. When you meet someone new, all you have to on is the surface. It takes a long time to get to know them as a person and so, getting to the point of really being attracted to them takes a long time for me. I'd need to see them on a regular basis and if there's no initial attraction, there's nothing to motivate me to see them more, you know? Yeah you have to like the way they look. I understand that. But maybe there is another criteria that you could be negotiable on. Like their must haves and must nots. When did you first lay down your expectancies on a person? Was it a while ago because maybe you need to re-think that list. You will never get a person who is one hundred per cent of what you are looking for. You'd be lucky to get someone with seventy-five per cent. But don't be giving up your initial core values. Those are non-negotiable. Dealbreakers if you will. But maybe there are some things you can learn to live with. Also too it's a vibe about a person. Are you relaxed around a person and comfortable being yourself? From the beginning. That's real important. So maybe you can go with how you feel around a person who sparks your interest in the looks department. Even if they aren't drop-dead gorgeous maybe they are cute. Cute turns to pretty when you like the person and pretty turns to beautiful with love. Or do cute girls go automatically into the friend zone? Only you know what you can live with. If religious beliefs are important than don't waiver. If they are not so much then maybe someone who is spiritual would be a good match and you can let the religious thing go. I'm just saying maybe it's time to update your criteria. And for every twenty you come up with see which five you can negotiate on. Because that's a lot more realistic.
seductress989 Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Hey Caliguy, Just wanted to say that I am single in my mid-twenties and Christian. It's a constant struggle to maintain my values and date at the same time. My last b/f was 34 and we were complete opposites but it worked somehow for awhile. I have always looked up to you and read your advice to others. You are intelligent, straightforward, and you will not be alone! Keep on truckin, Caliguy! Just remeber that Love is not age-based and it always comes when you have given up on it.
mental_traveller Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 This is how it always happens for me too :-p Same here lol, it's funny how that happens sometimes. My advice is relax and stop fretting so much about finding someone. Enjoy the rest of life and see how it goes.
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Naw, just like tonight. I find someone I am interested in, contact them, go out and struggle with maintaining an interesting conversation mainly because I am not attracted to them. I don't need someone HOT. I just need some that gets me excited to see them. There's a difference in my opinion. Sometimes it takes afew dates to feel an attraction. it doesn't always have to be star and sparks THE FIRST DATE. Sometimes once you get to know that person, and feelings grow, the attraction comes along too.
Author CaliGuy Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 Sometimes it takes afew dates to feel an attraction. it doesn't always have to be star and sparks THE FIRST DATE. Sometimes once you get to know that person, and feelings grow, the attraction comes along too. Yes but if there is no attraction then there's no motivation to learn more about them. I can't get myself excited about someone I am not attracted to. Some of them I've gone on second/third dates. One went as far as 5 dates before she let me know that she doesn't want kids (when she plainly knew I did).
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