Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 I had wanted to talk to him all day while he was walking me to the station. I let him go without asking. I couldn't do it. So I called him before I got on the train. Even if it feels like such a huge blow to me, I tried telling myself it's okay. I have to accept it.
Kamille Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 I had wanted to talk to him all day while he was walking me to the station. I let him go without asking. I couldn't do it. So I called him before I got on the train. Even if it feels like such a huge blow to me, I tried telling myself it's okay. I have to accept it. It's okay. You can accept it. It is better to know now then to keep selling yourself short - in relationship that isn't right for you. I'm proud of you for asking, and I hope you will do right for yourself, and stay away from him, now that you know you two don't want the same thing. ((papercut))
paddington bear Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 ouch! Well, I guess you knew that was the answer, better hear it from the horse's mouth though. Just don't in a week or so kid yourself that you are fine with it going nowhere and somehow convince yourself that you can do the FWB thing. Move on now, or you'll get even more hurt. His loss, silly man.
Chinook Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 You already knew this. I've just read your last thread, you only needed confirmation. He didn't want the same things you did... his loss.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 You had courage to ask. Sometimes I think alot of women end up stuck in relationships where the guy isn't as serious because she is afraid to ask that exact question and stand up for what she needs. Good for you! You will meet another man.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 He didn't even want sex. We tried last night, and he fell asleep on me. ( Don't lecture me). I just don't think he's sexually attracted to me at all, because he either cums too early or he couldn't get it up. I'm not making excuses because I won't admit I'm a catch. I think I'm average, but I also think he has sexual inadequacies.
Kamille Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 My wish: that what you take away from this is that you have the courage to ask for what you want, and the strenght to stand up for yourself when you don't get it. You deserve to be loved and cherished, just as you are. If someone isn't willing to offer you that, you are doing yourself a favor by moving on.
Kamille Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 He didn't even want sex. We tried last night, and he fell asleep on me. ( Don't lecture me). I just don't think he's sexually attracted to me at all, because he either cums too early or he couldn't get it up. I'm not making excuses because I won't admit I'm a catch. I think I'm average, but I also think he has sexual inadequacies. Yeah... He sounds like a bad selfish lover. Don't make this about your sexual attractiveness. it has very little to do with that. The bottom line here is that you two weren't made for each other. It isn't a reflection on you. Accept that, and have the strenght to love yourself, as you are, flaws and all, now. Tell yourself you're learning something important about yourself now: which is that you will always stand up for yourself.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Why were you trying to sleep with him at all after you had the conversation? Frankly, I echo Kamilles sentiments.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 Why were you trying to sleep with him at all after you had the conversation? Frankly, I echo Kamilles sentiments. No I slept with him before I asked. I subconsciously knew it was our last time. Might as well make the most of it I guess. It wasn't great at all anyways. He came in less than minutes.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Oh okay. Xpaper, guys do encounter sexual performance issues that are unrelated to their partner. I think more then we probably think because we can take it personally. It's not like he is going to tell you it's him that has the problem. Guys are really sensitive about that.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 The main thing that prompted me to ask him was that he wasn't even willing to walk me down to the station and wait for the train. Was he in that much of a hurry to get away from me? We had walked to the station and he asked, " Do you want me to walk you down or are you okay?" and being the pushover that I was I responded " That's fine, I can walk down by myself". He gave me a ( friendly) hug, walked away and didn't even look back.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 And I meant to write 5 minutes. Less than 5 minutes. I didn't even knew he came until he told me to get another condom. And he couldn't get it up!!!!
AlektraClementine Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Paper - Do you know how much strength that took for you to do? Have you any clue? You Rock, woman. It's going to be hard. Just let it be hard. Be resolute. Don't go back and you will come out of this so much wiser and tougher. I love it. Thanks for updating.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Well it's hard to say if he really wanted to walk you down or was just being polite but he did ask you if you wanted him to walk you down and you said no. It's not all his fault there. I can't claim to know his sincerity to the question. But does it matter? He doesn't see it going anywhere either way.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 Paper - Do you know how much strength that took for you to do? Have you any clue? You Rock, woman. It's going to be hard. Just let it be hard. Be resolute. Don't go back and you will come out of this so much wiser and tougher. I love it. Thanks for updating. Thanks A. I remember what you told me and your words really gave me the courage to ask him. The whole time riding home, my insides felt empty, but my mind kept repeating the words " I'm going to be okay, I'm going to be okay". Even while walking home in my heels ( which I had worn for yesterday) with my feet in pain, my insides were in a knot. But I feel better now. I made myself a cup of tea, started a movie ( confessions of a shopaholic) and thinking of maybe going to the gym later.
Star Gazer Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 He didn't even want sex. We tried last night, and he fell asleep on me. ( Don't lecture me). I just don't think he's sexually attracted to me at all, because he either cums too early or he couldn't get it up. Yes, Paper. You were a booty call. The writing has been on the wall for a very long time. You even admitted it in a separate thread. What I don't understand is that you see it, you do!, clear as day... and yet you still try to pull 180s and deny it to yourself. Yes, he did want sex. He wasn't after sweet romance, Paper. I mean, you've had sex with him, right? And this "situation" started off sexual from the get go. (No matter how hard you want to convince everyone else otherwise, a blowjob on the second date doesn't translate well into: "I'm looking for a serious relationship.") These encounters were late at night, often after other dates, as though it was some torried affair that was "all about sex," and it was - whether he could maintain an erection or not. He had you doing all the work - literally - to please HIM. You went to HIS house. You gave HIM orgasms. You let it all be at HIS convenience. And yet he couldn't even be bothered to walk you to the train! He likely doesn't care about your satisfaction. He's selfish, Paper. A selfish lover, a selfish person. This doesn't make him an a$$, it just makes him unworthy of this sort of self-torment. Unfortunately, you created this situation by not focusing on whether he was even capable of giving YOU what you really want and need, and instead tried your darnest to make him like you by meeting his sexual needs. You CAN learn from this - if you want to. That all having been said, I'm proud of you for confronting your fear and asking. Now you can actually move on to someone who's worthy of you. But please, please, PLEASE... don't try to talk yourself into thinking you can handle a FWB, "going nowhere" arrangement. You can't.
westernxer Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 At least he told you the truth early instead of waiting a few hundred sexual encounters later.
Star Gazer Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 At least he told you the truth early instead of waiting a few hundred sexual encounters later. Agreed. Gotta have a little bit of respect for a guy who's honest, and I think his expectations (or really, lack thereof) were clear from the outset.
Isolde Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 I've been there. Not in the same exact situation, but I have faced to my fears in a similar way, gotten the same sort of answer, and afterwards I would always find it a bit easier to move on, knowing for sure that the guy didn't want to be with me. It sucks, but learning how to be pragmatic about rejection is the only way to really move forward, papercut.
Cora Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 I admire you for your courage paper. I don't think I could of done what you did.
fishtaco Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Seems like he wasn't all that anyway, and he was honest when you asked. It's always better to know, even if the answer is a no. So sorry for your disappointment, but I don't really see anything bad here. So he wanted something different than you did. I don't know about other LS people, but that happens to me all the time. You just shrug and move on. That's why it's always better to find out, the sooner the better. You took initiative and found out before things dragged out too long -- good job. He answered honestly at the cost of getting laid in the future -- good job. At least that's how I see it.
kdark Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Please, please, please don't go back to this guy if he comes calling again. You deserve better.
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