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Don't know what to think! Should we try again or move on!?


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Posted

Hey guys... Iv read alot of these threads and theyre really helpful so i was lookin for some advice on my dilemma!

 

Basically I duno if me and my ex are really meant for each other and should try again or if we should just cut each other out and try to move on.

 

Story: We were together for just over a year, first 7 months were reallly amazing, but then he had to move back to his home country for uni, so the last 8 months were LDR. We'd see each other roughly one weekend a month. The long distance was really tough and the real problems started in January and we ended in March. Without going into to much detail, my sex drive was non-existant, and he felt really hurt that when we saw each other I wasnt interested as I used to be. (Im still not really sure why it went, i think it was a mix of the pill and the distance, when u dont have it, u dont want it). Thats the reason he split. It wasnt a bad break-up, quite the opposite, with both of us telling each other how much we loved each other. We tried again in April coz we missed each other so much, but we saw for a weekend, and the sex wasnt back properly and we both felt a bit defeated with the distance, so we agreed to end it.

 

Problem is we still can't seem to really end it. The longest weve been without talking is a week, and we end up talkin and telling each other how much we miss each other. When we talk its amazing, iv never felt a connection like that with anyone, never been as close friends with anyone. It does feel really special and we both feel it. He says he always thought Id be his wife in the future and he cant really imagine me not being. I also always thought wed be together forever, we have similar interests and similar life goals.

So we've been discussing again the idea of getting back together.

I just have doubts... the LD will still be there, for at least another year. My family all think if it didnt work out to begin with it wont work and i should just move on. I dont want to disappoint them by getting back with him, but i dont want to miss out on a true love just coz of their one -sided advice. Plus i am worried that if we're having problems after a year, its a red flag? I mean he has a few faults as i assume most do, but for the most part hes exactly what i would want in a partner. I love him so much!

 

Any advice on what we should do? Are we fighting a lost cause? Or could it work? Any help would be much appreciated!!

Posted

Are you attracted to this guy at all? You might like being in a relationship with him but do you find him attractive? If so, maybe it's just nerves on your part which in turn doesn't put you in the mood, maybe you need to feel comfortable, maybe knowing that you won't see him for a while again is making you feel unhappy. Maybe knowing that he really wants sex and is unhappy its putting more pressure on you.

 

Who knows really, it's more a question you have to ask yourself why you really don't want to have sex with him, once you answer that honestly you can decide what to do.

  • Author
Posted

hey, thanks for ur reply!

 

yeh i find him totally attractive, hes gorgeous! Its not that i dont fancy him, i do, i just never feel horny. I think its probably a whole mix of things that put me off sex...the distance and the fact hes going away. and yeh it got to the point where i knew he really wanted it and it made me feel even more pressured to do it and that made me pull back a bit. i dont want to do it just coz he wants it and he wouldnt want me to do that either.

 

I guess we're in a position that we don't know if it will work out with the distance yet we love each other too much to walk away. :( i duno what to do!? he wants to just talk and see where that goes, but i find it hard doin that coz it stresses me out being in limbo, i always want to make a decision either way. i know only i know how i feel (and im confused) but i just wondered if anyone else has similar experiences or can see things i can't see :s?

 

thankssss

Posted

Well I would say stick it out, it sounds as if you two are really into each other and like being together, long distance relationships can really put a cramp on things, but more importantly you need to communicate all of this back to him and tell him why you're not into sex, because it can be hard to take if your S.O is not into it and you are, and they won't explain why.

 

Only you will know if he will understand and accept and be happy, and who knows maybe if he accepts, no gaurantees, if he does you'll feel no pressure and it will come naturally the next time you do see him

 

It's just a temporary thing, 1 year is still a lot and testing but at the same time in the long run it's only temporary and if everything in the relationship is going fine aside from this there's no real reason to break it off.

 

The main question is however can both of you cope with the LDR, if you can't then I would assume putting it off until you move back together and if both of you still can continue down that line then go for it.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks for ur advice :)

 

I thought it over for a few days (i pretty much cant get it out of my head :(!) and we talked some over the weekend. I think im leaning towards us moving on.

I just feel so stressed by this and cant get the doubts out of my head. That suggests to me that deep down i know it wont work. I kinda think if its this much work after a year, what will it be like after 10!? I do love him, alot. and it hurts like hell to think of cutting him out of my life, i feel sh** even thinking about it :(. But at the same time, i'm not sure if i can see it working out. We argued last night coz i was feeling down and to be honest going round in circles with him how i feel and he got really annoyed (which is quite common) and went offline. Its one thing he does that i really dont like. Plus, i feel like we're having to decide to commit right now to a whole future together. Im only 20 (hes 26) and i dont really feel ready to do that. For us to be together in the next few years, it means moving countries for each other, and living together etc and thats a pretty big commitment after 1 year. I dunno, Im still confused.

I think i don't want him out of my life but im not sure it can work either :s. Maybe its just better we both try to move on. If we're really meant for each other then in a few years when we're free from Uni we can reunite. Why does it have to be sooo hard to lose someone though!? I feel miserable!

Sorry, had to vent!!

Posted

Love takes work. Love is an action word. While many like easy, love takes effort. Work it out until you can not do it anymore. You do not deserve anything you are not willing to work for. From personal experience, I have learned that you cease an opportunity when it presents itself or risk losing the opportunty. There are no guarantees in life. Also, seeking advice is great, but it is important to follow your heart. Take time to figure out what you want. Regardless of how family and friends feel, you can not surrender your life choices to others. You have to be responsible for your own life. No one else should have authority in your decision-making.

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