broken up for 2 weeks-pain, stages, etc

[thecol]

Hi ..ive been with this guy for almost 3 years. he was controlling, ( at times got physical but that stopped)immature ( 25) and a bit nutty/crazy. as in he didnt see things the way they were. he thought i was verywrong to go out to bars with my gf's. when i pointed out he ddi the same, he would say no but its different, and some weird excuse. in no way could i have my old male friends of course. i ended up having to lie to see them, so then he would catch me always and i became the liar who he couldnt trst. so he little by little couldnt take it. if i went to dinner with my gf i would get snide comments that i was always out and never home. bc he was home and preffered me to be home if he was.

 

anyway i just knew this couldnt possibly be someone i could marry or, "the one". i was even told by one of y gfs "colleen u r reminding me of a battered wife!" he was my first real boyfriend. im 27, but i never had a close long term elationship. when he was fun and charming and romntic it was amazing. that became rare at the end though. he was so angry with me bc he thought iwas so wrong and what i was doing was just living normally. so he got mad and finally ended it... shouldve been me right?! yes.. but i felt so close and attached. like an addiction they say, when u take it away u feel pain even thought it wasnt right. i lost a few of my friends and myself. also became heavily into alcohol since he was. ( but he stopped and now i have that problem also)

 

so he broke up with me and im very upset. all the things that go through my mind are the good times obviousally. the holding hands, dinners, cuddling. my question is simply this. some people can know their ex moved onand not care to much. i care like a knife going through my heart... that is like the WORST. knowing hes with another girl, taking her to dinner, holding her. kissing her.. how do i deal with those feelings? besides that i really want to kow how long im going to be feeling this way.. honestly.. im crying at least once a day, every other day.. and the pain is unbearable... when will this end? in two months will i feel a ton better? will ibe happy it ended? or six mnths? i really want to know how i'll feel in about two months.. anyone care to share the timing after a relationship and how they felt as each month went by? ( try not to say, in time you'll feel k, i knojw that, but i really want more specifically on how long it wil ltake! about.. on average.. 3 y relationship

[animalthing]

i know a lot of people here know what you're going through. even when you're with somebody that hurts you, you still feel a connection with them. but the best thing for you guys to do at this point is be apart from one another. from what you posted, it seems like he has a lot of issues with himself and his maturity that he needs to deal with on his own. you don't need him and the feeling of needing him will go away eventually.

 

just keep yourself busy. all of the things that he didn't approve of you doing, this is your chance to do them care-free. he was an important part of your life, and because of that you've put things that used to be important to the side. now you can go back and concentrate on the things you used to enjoy but didn't have time for because of your issues with him. look at this like an opportunity. don't idealize the relationship now that you're out of it. remember the bad times that caused all of the friction between you and look at this as a chance to move on and find that special someone. but also make sure to learn from this. you shouldn't give into a partner's jealousy and you should consider it disrespectful if your partner doesn't trust you when they have no reason not to.

 

also, you shouldn't have lied to him about seeing male friends. you should have just stood your ground and told him that truth about it. lying, no matter how much you may have been scared, usually makes things worse. especially if you're lying about seeing people of the opposite sex to somebody who was obviously pretty paranoid about you cheating on him.

 

but anyway, time heals all. just stick with it and avoid contact with him.

[thecol]

thanks for your reply.. i agree with what you say. i know.