Author dobler33 Posted May 25, 2009 Author Posted May 25, 2009 greeneyedlady, i'm totally kidding. i wasn't on here 6 weeks ago because i firmly believed that we would end up together. and ladydi, are your questions addressed to me? i'll assume so. the paraphrased version is that the wife found out and gave him an ultimatum w/ deadline. over the course of the two weeks of his decision making process he very much made it seem like he would leave her, and i was ready to leave my husband. on the final day he called and said he was staying. it was a long and bloody conversation that i won't even bother to detail, as i'm sure most of us can imagine it or something like it. but he said she had required that there never be any contact again, that he was to destroy all our correspondence, and that he was essentially going to have to kill off the part of him that had loved me. at that point i came home from my office where i had holed up to talk to him and told my husband, for a number of reasons. most immediately because i knew that there was going to be no way i'd be able to disguise my grief, and so it wasn't really even worth it to try. and because i was sick of hiding, and because i wanted to do the right thing, and because i thought that if he (my husband) could look this in the eye and face up to his part in the dynamics that helped create the affair (emotional unavailability and shutting me out for years) then there might just be hope for us. i knew i wasn't going to know for sure unless we could get through this trauma. the OM lives in a nearby town, but it's unlikely that i'll run into him. as i mentioned before he was my husband's childhood best friend and the social intermeshment may turn out to be tricky - my brother in law was the OM's other best friend, all the people they all went to high school are still in town and closely knitted. this is where my husband's hermit-like pushing away of everyone close to him is fairly useful - we will not be especially remarked as absent for some time. of course the whole story is far longer and more complicated, but i find that as time goes on i have less and less patience for myself in retrospect. maybe i'll write a book someday. LBA40, i very much look forward to seeing how whacked up you are. i do so enjoy whacked up people.
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