Computer Chip Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 You haven't met her, you can do better. You are getting into this "relationship" because you do not feel like you can do any better. What do you mean?
Rollercoasterr Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 What do you mean? Sweetheart, Admiral is our forum troll. He has nothing productive or positive to say so the best thing is to just ignore any and all "wisdom" he chooses to give. He knows he's a shallow, sad excuse for a human being and I can only hope that this is just an online alter ego and that he isn't actually wandering around the world like this.
Rollercoasterr Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 You're welcome. Just spreadin' the LDR forum gospel!
Author alvinpls Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Hello Alvinpls, Happy to know you! Yes, we both are mature adults. Though we know shortly, we have committed that our love would always be fresh and romantic. We dont take it for granted anytime. Saying I love you , I miss you in diffferent languages spontaneous as our hearts call for it. We dont hide feelings but to show directly. This enriches:love: the love with vivid feeling of here and now romance in a realistic context. So do stand on each others's shoes to feel for each others, then your response is the most thrilling to the beloved one. Mei Mei, glad for me to know you too! I am also happy that we are Chinese & I speak Cantonese too! Do you? haha..... My LDR interest is from China. As for our level in this LDR, I hv already told her of my feelings for her. I also sent her some presents to her, as remembrance. She knew how I feel for her. But so far, she did not reject me. I hv told her a few weeks ago that, did she really consider giving us any chance to go serious. She did not give me any answers nor she say no. Mei Mei, may I ask you....does Chinese girl really shy of telling out their heart feelings? Is this their character? Unlike Western girls whom are so open minded. I dare not force her to give me any answer, about going serious. Afraid I may scare her, you know what I mean. So, what's yr opinion & advice?
Mei Mei Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Chinese traditional culture cherishes subtleness in expression among ladies. But nowaday in China, ladies have been quite open than before due to their exposure to the world. I think your girl is quite educated and she has been in good touch with internet. To my estimation, she should be able to articulate her real feeling towards you and let you know if she really wants to go deeper. It would be good to consider making a trip to get in real touch for deeper understanding of the potential development of this relationship. Anyhow, I would suggest you also consider if she has a conservative family background. Moreover, you need also to explore if she has only you in her range of choices for development of a:) real love relationship.
Mei Mei Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Chinese traditional culture cherishes subtleness in expression among ladies. But nowaday in China, ladies have been quite open than before due to their exposure to the world. I think your girl is quite educated and she has been in good touch with internet. To my estimation, she should be able to articulate her real feeling towards you and let you know if she really wants to go deeper. It would be good to consider making a trip to get in real touch for deeper understanding of the potential development of this relationship. Anyhow, I would suggest you also consider if she has a conservative family background. Moreover, you need also to explore if she has only you in her range of choices for development of a:) real love relationship.
alicechen Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Mei Mei, glad for me to know you too! I am also happy that we are Chinese & I speak Cantonese too! Do you? haha..... My LDR interest is from China. As for our level in this LDR, I hv already told her of my feelings for her. I also sent her some presents to her, as remembrance. She knew how I feel for her. But so far, she did not reject me. I hv told her a few weeks ago that, did she really consider giving us any chance to go serious. She did not give me any answers nor she say no. Mei Mei, may I ask you....does Chinese girl really shy of telling out their heart feelings? Is this their character? Unlike Western girls whom are so open minded. I dare not force her to give me any answer, about going serious. Afraid I may scare her, you know what I mean. So, what's yr opinion & advice? Oh, so we three are chinese! Have you even lived in China, alvinpls? And Hello to Mei Mei! I can speak cantonese too, although I'm not cantonese. Back to the topic. Well, I think it is always case by case. And I think most of the chinese girls are not that shy. I mean relatively shy for sure, but not that much. I guess most of us will tell when the time&person are right. Still, it depends on the girl. And the way she choose to tell is mulriple. Not always so direct. Sometimes there are hints. I don't know your girl. You are the one who knows her. So the point is, do you think she cares about you? Is she sweet when she's with you?
Mei Mei Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Oh, so we three are chinese! Have you even lived in China, alvinpls? And Hello to Mei Mei! I can speak cantonese too, although I'm not cantonese. Back to the topic. Well, I think it is always case by case. And I think most of the chinese girls are not that shy. I mean relatively shy for sure, but not that much. I guess most of us will tell when the time&person are right. Still, it depends on the girl. And the way she choose to tell is mulriple. Not always so direct. Sometimes there are hints. I don't know your girl. You are the one who knows her. So the point is, do you think she cares about you? Is she sweet when she's with you? Dear Alice, oh I am from Hong Kong, speaking cantonese throughout the life haha! I go to china often, but usually around the border area as Shenzhen. Hope one day we go a trip together with you and Alvinpls together for a gathering in china
Author alvinpls Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Dear Alice, oh I am from Hong Kong, speaking cantonese throughout the life haha! I go to china often, but usually around the border area as Shenzhen. Hope one day we go a trip together with you and Alvinpls together for a gathering in china Mei Mei, you got a good idea...3 Chinese people together, haha...Yes, its very rare that we are of a common race in such a wonderful site. Anyway, my friend lives in Enping, Guangzhou. Hv you been there? I am trying to make a trip there. Perhaps I try to drop by in HK also, hehe...
Author alvinpls Posted June 3, 2009 Author Posted June 3, 2009 Oh, so we three are chinese! Have you even lived in China, alvinpls? Hi Alice, I have not been to China before. But trying to plan a trip there. Its not far flying from my country here. Which city do you live in China? My gf lives in Guangzhou. So she also can speak Cantonese. Sometimes I was actually thinking about this LDR thing.....those who did succeed, hats off to them! You see, its quite tiring at times, thinking about yr one whom is so far away. Especially during weekends when it should be free time to go out but could not do it. Oh...that kind of feeling...do you feel it also?
Mei Mei Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Haha, Sure, you and others in this forum are welcome so muchhhh!!
Author alvinpls Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Hello, Mei Mei, as you are a Chinese and you are in LDR, I would like to look at your point of view. In my case, I always text messages to her & sshe would reply back. Sometimes quick ones & sometimes late reply. She seldom text me messages. I always make my move first. Does this means anything on her side? Sometimes I feel very emotionally tiring on this thing. I always wonder if she is really into this thing. The worst part is, she did not reject me! At least if she reject me, I will know her answer. Sometimes in my email to her, I always put in some "close" words. But she always did not comment or response on it OR reject it. As a lady yourself, what do you think about this? Maybe I did not describe it fully here, but I hope you know what I am talking here. Thanks.
Mei Mei Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Dear Alpinvls, I hope I can really help you sort out this relationship. So far, you have not been able to tell about the content of her emails to open up more details about your communications. But from your threads, you have told that this girl is only responding passively. There seems even no intimate or dearing texts from her side. I think Violaaa and some members here have been reminding you that this relationship may not be real. I think they have their points. The girl like to be flirted, but there seems something behind her mind that she cannot go further with you. If she does not showing herself with stronger involvement, you cannot be optimistic about the prospect. Don't put the reason as she is too shy, I feel that she has no real intention for a close relationship with you indeed. All relationship should be reciprocal and both sides are committing in equal strength. Please take care of yourself and really think about it. Good luck!!
Author alvinpls Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Hello Mei Mei, thanks for yr advise & to remind me of my current status. Yes, you only give advices based on how I describe my issue, right? Anyway I will try to maintain this so-called LDR (or rather, friendship) with her as close as possible. Hopefully as the days go on, I can see some progress. Just as our friend Violaa said, I hv to ask her seriously that question to know of my status. Yes, one of these days I will popped this question to her, very soon. It all depends whether she is ready for seriousness or not, I can't say now. Mei Mei, I want to ask you again (sorry about this..haha): is it true that in normal friendship, both people (boy & girl) can talk smoothly. But if they progress deeper & if one of them mentioned about going serious, their conversation may turn to a different tune, like not so smooth talking like before. They tend to talk in a cautious way. Will this happen? Thanks.
Mei Mei Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I think lover relationship is a different paradigm to friendship. But for both, sincerity and genuine communication are necessary elements to nurture it Lovers do have yearning for each others, the drive to come close to feel and express it in deep sensation/passion, strive for real touch and further intimacy till they are united into one. Above all, there is always keen looking towards the full togetherness in the foreseeable future. I can have numerous friends, but i am sure to expect only one soulmate who is committed, loyal, transparent and communicating/sharing with me every life bit. Please don't move on a single track till you are exhausted out. Avoid overwhelming yourself but just stand back a little to see the whole circumstances. I think her reponses so far have given answers to the questions raised by Violaaa. One way ticket can hardly work.
Island Girl Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 alvinpls - if two people are progressing and getting deeper communication should become more smooth talking - more involved - more intimate. If one of the two withdraws instead and becomes more, as you say, cautious then that is a relationship that will probably not survive. Especially if it is in long distance.
Author alvinpls Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Please don't move on a single track till you are exhausted out. Avoid overwhelming yourself but just stand back a little to see the whole circumstances. I think her reponses so far have given answers to the questions raised by Violaaa. One way ticket can hardly work. Mei Mei, I guessed I'm just a one way ticket now, going nowhere. Well, I'm not really giving up yet as I will try to make some progress out of it.
alvin08 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Actually i've tried this and it's not easy to have this kind of Relationship. Aside for that, Long-Distance Relationships is Difficult to handle. In my case, i'ts very difficult because My girlfriend lived in Manila and I lived here in Cebu to study and We only communicate through Phone calls, Texts and IM's. Actually I missed her so much that's why we communicate everyday through texting.
Author alvinpls Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Yes, LDR is really emotionally tiring. We cannot really see what the other person is doing or thinking.
Island Girl Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 We cannot really see what the other person is doing or thinking. That is why communication is so very important. The people involved must be open and honest - and be prepared to be vulnerable about what they are thinking, feeling, and need. If you are in an LDR and can not communicate freely about everything then your relationship is destined to fail.
Els Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Hi guys. Bit late to the party, my grandparents were from China, does that count? ^^; On-topic, as a Chinese myself I find that my own race finds it rather difficult to express things in words through open communication. Our culture is just built on so much subtlety and delicate 'hints'. Alvinpls, meimei and alicechen, I hope you guys find happiness in your relationships.
Author alvinpls Posted June 22, 2009 Author Posted June 22, 2009 Hello Elswyth, thanks for yr opinions about this LDR thing. I am a Chinese & my other person is a Chinese, from China. I do agree that, our Chinese culture is different from Western culture and thinking. Chinese tend to be a bit "protective" and not so "open" in terms of thinking. In my case, she knows I hv the heart for her. But on her side, she don't really dare to "open" up to me. But I always try to show her some hints about us. She is not a child, she knows my thinking. On the way she reply me when both of us online, I can read that she has this feeling towards me. But don't dare to tell it openly. Elswyth, whats yr opinion, as you are also a Chinese.
Janicee Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 You are very committed to a good prospect with this girl. Though members here have presented some dark sides of your story, you are still resilient in moving ahead. But I think you should set a time limit for making things clear in this relationship, lest you may get hosed and hurt after the harsh drilling. Girls having access to internet for substantial time are no longer as those living in a dark and close community. Being a chinese can't give sufficient explanation to her mysterious communication pattern with you all along. Please alert to all possibilities as displayed by members. Good luck!
Rollercoasterr Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 I don't think it matters at all who is chinese and who isn't. She is still a WOMAN. If you would get off your chinese bandwagon you'd see that even if she is a bit protective and shy that she would have dropped a HINT by now, and she hasn't. But since I'm not chinese you wont read it. Maybe you should try chinese forums and see what they say since nothing any of us say here seems to help.
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