MissHollywood Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Was out with friends and a friend tried to introduce her guy friend to me. I'm not interested in him and neither did I think he was in me. We did have a friendly chat nonetheless. On the other hand, I was a little attracted to another guy, who already has an SO as I found out later (no, I'm not into people who are taken). What I experienced yesterday was that there didn't seem any single people out there, those I'm attracted to are already taken and those not taken either aren't interested in me or I'm not interested in them. When such situations happen, sometimes I think of my exes (no, it's not that I want to contact them and ask them back). Anyone has such experiences to share? Is it normal to feel or think what I did?
BCCA Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Nearly EVERYONE has felt exactly the way you have. You see what appears to be the hottest person ever, you look and they smile, but as you get closer, you notice it: they have a wedding ring. And so, you go on your way, looking for single people, and inevitably meet nothing but creeps and bozos. Someone told me that less than 25% of the people you meet are going to be close enough to you to get along with for any kind of relationships. If you think about it, its pretty obvious. I know a lot of people, from work/school/neighbors, but I probably hang out with and really know about 10-15% of them. So, even though you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince, sometimes its not your prince. Some people get lucky, but most of us are shaped by failed relationships. When youre feeling like its hopeless, who is the first person you think of? An ex! Why? Because they are comfortable. You and them could completely skip the getting to know eachother period, and all the crap that comes with it. You can jump right into an easy situation, including sex with someone you know well, not having to guess about what they like, and feeling ok with rocking some sweat pants and bumming around the house in front of them. But...you know theyre never going to give you what you want in the long run. If they could, you would still be with them. So, while its tempting, youre either going to get used or rejected, neither of which is really good. Of couse, if youre going back to someone you left, youre more thank likely going to be the one doing the using, even if you dont do it purposefully. Either way, bad call.
Isolde Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 *raises hand* It's like a Murphy's Law of dating. But just try to be logical and pragmatic about it. Those people who are in relationships with great guys, had to find them somehow, right? Why would it work out for them, and not, eventually, for you? Also, your exes may not have been the right guys, but you still found them, and that was still good for a while, right? So just keep your head up. Get to know people, network, network, network. Don't even think about it as looking for a guy to date, just do it. Also, sometimes it does take more than one conversation with a guy to gauge if there is chemistry. This is another important reason to keep your social networks open.
Author MissHollywood Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 *raises hand* It's like a Murphy's Law of dating. But just try to be logical and pragmatic about it. Those people who are in relationships with great guys, had to find them somehow, right? Why would it work out for them, and not, eventually, for you? Also, your exes may not have been the right guys, but you still found them, and that was still good for a while, right? So just keep your head up. Get to know people, network, network, network. Don't even think about it as looking for a guy to date, just do it. Also, sometimes it does take more than one conversation with a guy to gauge if there is chemistry. This is another important reason to keep your social networks open. Thanks. I somehow find it more difficult to meet guys in a social group. Most guys seem to be attracted to me when it's not an introduction by friends. This is tiring but there's nothing to do but be optimistic that a fulfilling relationship will happen for me too.
motive2002 Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 People that are taken aren't as desperate, or worried about whether they will have sparks with you or not.. can be more of themselves.. have more confidence.. in short more attractive. People that are lonely are more desperate, more self conscious and may have a worse attitude about dating etc... in short, less attractive. It's like that everywhere you go
loveslife Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 People that are taken aren't as desperate, or worried about whether they will have sparks with you or not.. can be more of themselves.. have more confidence.. in short more attractive. People that are lonely are more desperate, more self conscious and may have a worse attitude about dating etc... in short, less attractive. It's like that everywhere you go Also, when you meet your friend's fellow he's likely to be on best behavior out and about in a social setting. But he likely has plenty of warts that your girlfriend sees. And she probably wonders about him in the same way you do the guys you end up dating.
lifereversal Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 You want something you can't have. Thats human's for you.
Author MissHollywood Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 No, my feelings were more than that instead of just thinking about someone I can't have. From that evening, these thoughts went through my mind and got me to posting the thread. 1. Those I'm semi- or interested in are taken, 2. Of those who are single, I either don't meet them or I'm not interested, 3. So how am I to find someone I like, who also reciprocates my feelings, 4. I "miss" my exes because of the above. Yep, a bit twisted but that was how I felt there and then.
mortensorchid Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Oh yeah. Been there. It's terrible. Just seems that's the case with everyone out there. That's just how it is.
CommitmentPhobe Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 No, it's just a bad call on your part to draw this conclusion.
Author MissHollywood Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 No, it's just a bad call on your part to draw this conclusion. It's not a great one. But what about yours? Can you share?
Lishy Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 I feel the self same way!!! I find it easy to meet a guy but so hard to meet one who I would give my number to! Everytime I get disappointed I think about my ex too! Its human nature I guess and then you get all sad and think about your past
loveslife Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 No, my feelings were more than that instead of just thinking about someone I can't have. From that evening, these thoughts went through my mind and got me to posting the thread. 1. Those I'm semi- or interested in are taken, 2. Of those who are single, I either don't meet them or I'm not interested, 3. So how am I to find someone I like, who also reciprocates my feelings, 4. I "miss" my exes because of the above. Yep, a bit twisted but that was how I felt there and then. I think it's all pretty normal to feel these things. Maybe it's important to try being more open to meeting more of a variety of people.
paddington bear Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 Ever noticed how when you're in a relationship - usually when it's still at that new, lovely, fuzzy stage, that suddenly members of the opposite sex are all over you like a rash, but when you're single, no one wants to know? People with SO's are having sex, someone loves them and cares for them, they generate an aura of confidence, and contentment. They can also talk to members of the opposite sex in a confident manner, let's face it, they haven't got the nerves there of 'Oh God what if she/he rejects me, what if I sound like an idiot?'. None of these things matter because they have an SO, so therefore we singles of course gravitate towards them. I guess other singles (and we ourselves as single) could be viewed as I dunno, like an old coat in the back of the cupboard, rarely worn, few moth-holes in, but give that coat a few stitches and send it to the dry-cleaner and voila! Suddenly you realise that it is still a wonderful piece of clothing and makes you look good and you're proud to wear it. So, I guess, my point, in a roundabout, long-winded, using stupid metaphors kind of way, is to actually take note of members of the opposite sex who are a bit more socially awkward, who maybe don't dress so good, who aren't radiating confidence, should they meet the right person for them, i.e. you, then they will transform from not so attractive but available to very attractive but unavailable. The good ones are all taken? Maybe. But maybe they weren't good ones before they were taken, maybe they changed into good ones due to simply feeling loved.
Author MissHollywood Posted May 24, 2009 Author Posted May 24, 2009 People with SO's are having sex, someone loves them and cares for them, they generate an aura of confidence, and contentment. They can also talk to members of the opposite sex in a confident manner, let's face it, they haven't got the nerves there of 'Oh God what if she/he rejects me, what if I sound like an idiot?'. None of these things matter because they have an SO, so therefore we singles of course gravitate towards them. So, I guess, my point, in a roundabout, long-winded, using stupid metaphors kind of way, is to actually take note of members of the opposite sex who are a bit more socially awkward, who maybe don't dress so good, who aren't radiating confidence, should they meet the right person for them, i.e. you, then they will transform from not so attractive but available to very attractive but unavailable. That's a good point! When I'm in relationships, I tend to be able to do the above. Now I'll just have to FAKE it until I get it. Like remember the way I felt when I was in relationships and act the same way. Many times, the singles are just too concerned about how they come across to do anything. Your second point above is also true. I have a friend, who married a guy she was almost going to stop seeing because he wasn't someone she had been waiting for, and now he looks better than he did when they were going out.
SoulSearch_CO Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 Yeah, well - it's like they say... Men are like parking spaces - all the good ones are taken and what's left is handicapped.
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