br0kinhart Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Here's how it went. We met 2 1/2 years ago and we were in love ever since. We were convinced we would be together forever and start a family together. We have had our fair share of fights and got through them (majority was over her extreme jealousy issues). Now I consider myself a really nice guy, I never cheated on her, but she has issues with any female friend or acquaintance I ever had. I have literally stopped talking to a female friend (completely platonic) just to prevent the onslaught of jealousy. Recently I have found myself taking my anger out on her. Not that she was causing it, but she was unfortunately a target. She would call just to see how I was doing (she is the most nurturing person I have ever met) and I would immediately snap back at her with an attitude. I started to notice this but could not control it (i was very immature). Finally, it built up to the point where she could not take it anymore and says "we need time apart". I completely screwed up when we first said we will work to "fix" things months ago and I really did not put my heart and soul into trying. I started a new job, got a new apartment and I was very distracted by all of this. But as soon as I heard those words, my life felt completely empty, Im unable to enjoy anything, and I want her back more then anything in my life. I now realize how terribly I was making her feel and I really hate myself for it. My own immature way of handling stress in my life led me to loose the only woman I have ever truely loved. Now I suggested we meet up face to face at least one last time to talk through things and see how she truely felt (in a calm fashion). I explained to her how terrible I felt for the ways I have treated her and I truely and deeply appologized. I realized that I loved her more then anything in this world and was actually the only thing in my life that brought me happiness. She insisted that we need time apart no matter what I told her. The last form of contact was an email I sent to her as follows: "I just wanted to say that I hope everything works out for you. You deserve nothing but happiness and I know you will be very successful in anything you do. I'm sorry for being the piece of sh*t that I was, you never deserved that. Please don't hate me for it and please don't develop an absolute hatred towards me (although I do deserve it). Its my own immaturity and I think you are right in the fact that we need to grow as independent individuals before pursuing a committed relationship. I love you with all my heart and I wish you the best. Hopefully one day in the future we will reunite as something, even if its just friends. Thank you for everything you have done for me and for us. Please take care of yourself. You can call me anytime (I know that's a lil retarded to say but whatever). Take care sweetheart, everything is going to workout for you. " SHE REPLIES: [sIZE=2]Please stop being so hard on yourself. You are not in any way, shape or form a piece of sh*t. We both had our moments of immaturity. Let's not forget about my insecurity and jealousy issues. Oh, and my emotional moments around the holidays b/c of my mom. I could never EVER hate you. I certainly hope you don't hate me either, and you can understand why I had to do this. I know everything will work out for you. You deserve to be happy. You really are an amazing man. I'm so proud of you for this road to great success that you are building. You have come so far in your life, and I know it is just the beginning for you. I love you dearly and one day our paths will cross again.[/sIZE] WHAT DO I DO NEXT! I WANT HER IN MY LIFE VERY MUCH. I CANNOT IMAGINE BEING WITH ANYONE ELSE, AND I REALLY DONT WANT TO BE. I FEEL I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE NEXT STEP AND THIS WOULD HAVE NEVER AMOUNTED. ANY OPINIONS WOULD BE MOST APPRECIATED.
playlislay Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Ow, my heart jerked at the end when she said that your paths will cross again. How can anyone move on if they hear that. Not knowing when, or if ever, you are going to see her or be with her again. I think that you have both said what you have to say, closure if you will. I would move on. Or at least go NC for 3-6 months. It gives you plenty of time for self evaluation (believe me on that one!) so you can improve yourself-not for her, or for 'us', but for you! Live your life to the full, and most importantly, learn that you can live life without her. True love will always remain hun, but you two just cant be together because of the way that you are. It will be hard but some self improvement will do you good.
Ronni_W Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Even if you do the self-reflection and take anger management classes, it won't work until she also does self-reflection and gets help with her trust/jealousy issues. YOUR wisest next step is what playlislay suggested: self-improvement (including anger management.) After a while you can let her know what you are doing for yourself, and she may decide to follow you lead.
Author br0kinhart Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 I really appreciate your help. This is the first time in my life I have ever felt like this towards anyone. She is everything to me and I will take your advice and try to improve on myself. Just to add more fuel to my own fire, we booked a vacation in July a week before this happened! It was paid for and she never canceled it. No matter how hard I try I have this pathetic way of thinking that there is still hope. I know it isnt healthy but it's uncontrollable! AND!!! it gets even BETTER! My company is moving ***BY COMPLETE COINCIDENCE**** into her building in September. Yesterday was the first day of NC. BUT when I got home I totally broke down into tears and felt massive amounts of regret. It led me to text her last night My friend wanted to throw my phone in the garbage. Here's how it went: Me- "I miss you so much" Me- "Sorry the no contact thing is very hard. Please keep in touch. I care for you very very much." Her- "I know, but having contact is only going to make this harder." Me- "Your absolutely right." Her- "At least for right now. We need to give it some time before we can do that." Me- "OK. I want this to work for both of us." Im having alot of trouble concentrating on work and anything else for that matter. Its eating me alive inside that I have lost the only woman that meant something to me. And no matter how I try to lie to myself. I want this woman in my life forever. I really dont have many people in my life to talk to about this without holding back. So I thank all that listen and offer any help. Thank you all!
Leveller Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Give yourself a bit of time and space. Like you I am going through a torrid time but it does get better. Try and get away for a bit. A change of scene produces a fresh perspective or throw yourself into work and do overtime etc. Try and occupy your time. I just wanted to try and give you some practical advice because know how difficult this is.
Ronni_W Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 br0kinhart, I am sorry that you're hurting. It is sometimes so difficult to come to terms with the fact that our FIRST love is not to be our last. She is the FIRST woman who meant something to you. I want this woman in my life forever. This does not sound like a realistic goal. It is not something that you can or will have just by wanting it. It is the same as you saying, "I want ten million dollars in my bank account by midnight tonight." It is NOT going to happen. Would you lose all concentration and make yourself crazy with thoughts of how you're not going to have ten million dollars? Cos that IS what you are doing about your ex -- no matter how much you WANT her in your life, she is not going to happen and nothing you can do will make her happen. Breaking 'no contact' will NOT get you what you want; sending needy texts will NOT get you want you want; holding false hope will NOT get you want you want. It sucks when we don't get what we want. But we still do have to carry on with life, even when we don't get what we want.
Author br0kinhart Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Hello All, First and foremost thank you for your support and opinions. I truely appreciate them and they have helped me get through this hard time. I just felt its time for an update! ;-) Im feeling alot better now that I have gotten over the initial shock of being alone. Considering the fact that I do not have many close friends loosing her was like loosing the only person I can talk to sincerely without the sense of being judge, but as I read and hear over and over again.....time heals all wounds. Im thinking much clearly now and everytime I start to walk down that despressive path I remind myself how much less stress there is in my life right now...... ENJOY IT! But heres the real question at hand.... We booked a vacation together right before the break up and I finally asked her to cancell it to help me not develop anymore false hope. So far no cancellation but Im trying to block it out of my mind. Anyway I still have the week off from work and want to take advantage of it. Unfortunately I cant seem to find anyone that can go away with me on such a short notice and was thinking of traveling by myself. And although, Im a 24 yr/old man, attractive, smart, and fairly successful I still feel like a complete loser traveling alone... I would love to hear any thoughts or opinions about this. Maybe it would have a reverse affect and slam me with massive depression or it could be completely liberating and exciting..... hmmmm.... what to do what to dooo?
Ronni_W Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 Im a 24 yr/old man, attractive, smart, and fairly successful Go exploring the world on your own and you can also add "adventurous", "self-assured" and "confident" to that very appealing list!!! I'm sure there are more words, too...but "loser" just ain't one of them, nor anything along those lines. Right? (It's all in your attitude...you attractive, smart, confident young man, you!)
nutter78 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Oh, go travelling on your own! It is so much fun. Liberating - yes! Even though it is for a short time it will be everything that you need in this time. Time to get away. You will meet new people and creating new experiences :-) Do it!
Author br0kinhart Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Recently broke NC after 1 month. Probably the worst decision ever! We were supposed to go to a wedding on Saturday and I just couldnt take it, not being there with her! I asked her if she would be interested in going to lunch sometime this week and received mixed signals. First she said this week is no good for her and then she admitted that she feels if we did get back together it would amount to the same thing. I hate myself sooo much for screwing up this relationship. I cant believe it is over between us and its so hard to accept that she is over me although she says she still loves me. Im so not the "social butterfly" and I feel I will never find another woman like her again. She was everything I wanted in a woman and I f*cked it all up and made her feel like I dont love her... My confidence is destroyed and I just dont think I will ever be the same person again.
Ronni_W Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I just dont think I will ever be the same person again. Well...hopefully not! Hopefully you will emerge from the other side of this wiser, stronger and more self-aware.
Leveller Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Like Ronni says...hopefully not. Please stick to NC for as long as you humanly can. I do not want to invest in you false hope but life is funny in regards to relationships. Give it time. Don't try to do anything but be yourself, do not break NC, and allow nature to run its course.
huck Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Good luck bro - have a wicked time at the meal.. Its a good sign thats shes letting you take her out on her bday.. If things do work out - just remember the mistakes that were made to cause the breakup... All the best - Huck
huck Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Just realised i posted this on your original post - was meant to go on your new one from today. Sorry bud - Epic Fail !
Author br0kinhart Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 I really appreciate your support. I hope everything works out and Im going to do it right this time. No more games!
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