Owl Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Schewter, I'd suggest that you start your own thread if possible, so we can focus on your situation there. With that said, I'd start off by telling you that you're likely NEVER going to have anyway to prove/disprove anything since she still works with OM. This is why most experts would tell you that she needs to find a new place of employment. There'll never be a true way for her to regain your trust in the current situation.
schewter Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Thanks Owl...she doesn't actually work WITH OM...he was an out of town client of hers and is still where he was...he is at a different company now but still buys from my wife's company through a different agent. This recession we are in pretty much kaibashes the notion of her finding alternate employment for the time-being anyway. She has tried but to no avail. The real danger is that sometimes sales-people will just tell a client to deal with so-and-so if they are going on vacation or something without letting so-and-so know...why would they? It's not like they would know anything was amiss. Thanx for the feedback. On the topic of Keyloggers...I used something called "All in One Keylogger"; bought it online for about 40 bucks I think...it worked really well except that some online games would disable it...would have to restart pc to get it going again.
clv0116 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 I disagree that relationship is already toast. You are married to a serial cheater, who shows no signs of ever being capable of fidelity. With any due respect I'm pretty sure you're one of the worst possible judges on this subject matter.
Owl Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 You are married to a serial cheater, who shows no signs of ever being capable of fidelity. With any due respect I'm pretty sure you're one of the worst possible judges on this subject matter. Wow...talk about harsh. But this begs the question...what's YOUR story, CLV? What makes YOU a better judge than anyone else, including DNU?
DNU1 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 You are married to a serial cheater, who shows no signs of ever being capable of fidelity. With any due respect I'm pretty sure you're one of the worst possible judges on this subject matter. Yep, serial cheater, serial liar, POS-STBxWW. That's me. If you are really interested in saving your marriage, recovering your marriage, then head to marriagebuilders.com. REad Dr. Harley's principles and get on their message board. Ask questions and you are going to hear similar replies to what you hear in this forum and from me. Affairs can be recovered from. But the path to recovery is narrow and must be followed. Check out marriagebuilders.com. And for the record, I worked on my marriage 14 years ago after OMs #1 & #2, and gave it my all after OM#3 FIVE months ago. I worked my tail off to make the marriage work and recover it. But the continued lies and OM#4 erased what little hope I had. Try to recovery if you can and WANT to. Snoop your tail off to verify whereabouts. Nuff said.
clv0116 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Wow...talk about harsh.? Probably harsher than I intended but the fact is DNU and a few others here seem to be unreasonably optimistic in the fact if the fact that such measures almost always yield to repeated failures. My 'story' is simply that I've been around the block a few times and I know you can't make a person change. The only time I'd feel the least inclined to support change now is if the other party confessed out of guilt and nothing more, and even then I'd have to weigh the situation.
Owl Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Probably harsher than I intended but the fact is DNU and a few others here seem to be unreasonably optimistic in the fact if the fact that such measures almost always yield to repeated failures. My 'story' is simply that I've been around the block a few times and I know you can't make a person change. The only time I'd feel the least inclined to support change now is if the other party confessed out of guilt and nothing more, and even then I'd have to weigh the situation. You missed the rest of my response. What's YOUR story that allows YOU to determine what is "unreasonably optimistic" in this situation? That makes YOUR advice better than theirs? Have you been cheated on? You say you've "been around the block and can't make a person change". That's not much of an explanation on what makes your view realistic and someone else's not so. MY personal experience worked out very well. My wife had an EA about five years ago...and our marriage recovered and is going GREAT now. We DID do successfully exactly what I'd suggested here. And yes...I absolutely DID use a keylogger to "bust" her affair and get the proof I needed to confront her. So...MY story taught me that a marriage isn't "toast if you get to the point to need to spy". I'm trying to understand exactly what your experience is to the contrary. And to a degree, point out that trying to discredit someone else's advice because you don't like it is rather rude.
clv0116 Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 You missed the rest of my response. No I merely ignored it. It's my firm opinion that it's seldom worth the effort to try to police the behavior of someone who has proven untrustworthy. That's it. Proving to yourself they are untrustworthy is worthwhile, but all the manipulation after is futile.
mental_traveller Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Isn't installing a keylogger on someone else's computer a fairly serious crime?
clv0116 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Isn't installing a keylogger on someone else's computer a fairly serious crime? Can be, depends on the details and IANAL. For instance I'm fairly certain installing that on a company notebook PC could land prison time.
BUENG1 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Isn't installing a keylogger on someone else's computer a fairly serious crime? Also if your married I assume it would be considered joint property or something like that(for personal computers).
DNU1 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Keylogging your own computer isn't a crime. My attorney said I was well within my right to keylog computers in the house AND flexispy her blackberry. And back to CLVs point about waywards confessing or getting busted... What I've learned in 6 months through reading tons of books on affairs, reading a gazillion articles and nosing around sites like this, is that waywards are *foggy* Its' like someone stole your spouse and replaced them with an alien. They aren't in their right mind and will do things that are down-right crazy. If, and I do mean *if* you can separate your waywards from the OP, then you have a chance of recovering the marriage. If the wayward continues to call, text, see, have sex with, have ANY contact with the OP, then recovery is all but impossible. That is where spying comes in. When waywards are discovered in their affairs they will often lie. LIe to protect the affair, lie to protect the OP, lie to keep hitting the *crackpipe* that is the OP and the affair. Exposing is a great way to end an affair. Exposing to family, friends, co-workers usually ends an affair. But what if there are other OPs? What if your wayward and the OP take things deeper underground to keep hitting the *crackpipe* that is the rush of the affair? That is why you NEED to verify / snoop. Yes, my STBx has deep psychological issues...issues that she is just getting in to. STBx told me three stories about her formerly alcoholic father, him hitting mother, him physically threatening STBx when she was young...ALL THINGS SHE NEVER TOLD ME BEFORE IN 18 YEARS OF MARRIAGE! The pushing feelings deep down inside, the refusing to confront, the hoping it will all just *go away on it's own* is all beginning to make sense now. The equasion is starting to become clear now. The lies, the four OMs, the deception, it's all starting to become a clear picture. Not that I'm ever going to get back together with her. We are done and headed towards a divorce. But now I'm seeing those deep dark secrets that helped shape her as a person. I'm seeing possibly why she is who she is. And I'm grateful that I snooped and discovered OM#4, brought light to the lies, the deceipt. I'm grateful that I flexispy.com her blackberry. Because without it I would have been stuck in this lie of a marriage for my life. And she would have never confronted her inner deamons. SPY your tail off! Verify what your wayward is doing. Dr. Harley talks about transperency in a marriage. No secrets. Give your spouse all your e-mails, passwords, all phone records, text messages, everything. People with nothing to hide...hide NOTHING! Transperency will be a boundary that I DEMAND in my next marriage (assuming I'm lucky enough to head down that road some day) Nuff said, I'm tired...time to for bed.
clv0116 Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 Keylogging your own computer isn't a crime. My attorney said I was well within my right to keylog computers in the house AND flexispy her blackberry. If it's her Blackberry and the computers in your house do not include a company supplied notebook PC, probably so. ... my STBx .... Nuff said, I'm tired...time to for bed. Yes, 'nuff said.
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