Anahata Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Which keyloggers do you recommend? There's so many and I want to be sure I get one that is: Undetectable by McAfeeDoesn't require physical access to view the activity (I can get physical access to get one installed)Isn't sending info to some other 3rd party besides me.I have a suspicion that my husband is cheating on me, he's not going to come clean if I ask directly and I can't stop thinking about needing to know for sure. Thanks
DNU1 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Spectra soft has some great keyloggers. One of their versions called eblaster can be installed on a computer and send you e-mail reports of activity. They work GREAT! Not detectable by anti-virus. If your hubby has a smartphone (aka, blackberry, iphone, windows mobile, etc.) then you MUST check out flexispy.com! That program literally saved my life. My STBxWW was gaslighting me...and lied for FIVE MONTHS after DDay#2(om#3). Due to Flexispy I saw some suspecious e-mails and called her out. I threatened to polygraph her if she didn't come clean. I'd find out either by her telling me or poly graphy. She admitted OM#4 (DDay#3). Without Flexispy she would have lied to me FOREVER! I would have given and given to this woman and she would have lead double lives forever. Other snooping methods to think about: - GPS his car - voice activated recorder in his car - keylog his computer, get passwords and check his e-mail. And look for secret e-mail accounts - Hire a PI if you have to... - secret video survalence (checkout brickhousesecurity.com) - get a semen detection kit...check his undies for traces of semen after he's been out for night. After sex men secrete traces of semen after the undies go back on. Detection kit much more effective in catching women...how do they explain semen in their underwear? Men can always say "I yanked my wankee last night..." - check all phone records / incoming and outgoing calls. Flexispy is much better than phone records. Get it if you can. Good luck. I've found that if you are having a gut feeling, trust it. Verify his whereabouts (aka, SNOOP!)
clv0116 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 This thread is crazy. If you can't trust them the relationship is already over.
Owl Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 This thread is crazy. If you can't trust them the relationship is already over. Absolutely not true. Someone who is cheating will lie...it's a given. And when confronted without proof...they will still lie. The truth won't come out into the open unless you can confront them WITH PROOF. But...once the truth is out there...once the affair is exposed...a marriage CAN be recovered and reconciled. I know this from personal experience.
DNU1 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Yep, Owl is spot-on! Waywards lie their tails off. Mine lied to me over and over and over again. If it weren't for my super-spying, I'd still be living under her spell. She would have gaslighted me until the day I died. Liar. When I had proof I didn't even have to give up my source. I just kept banging on the drum about telling me the truth. Either she was going to talk or we were going to get a polygraph. I would find out one way or another. Looking back I should have just polygraphed her and got all the information right then and there. I'm absolutely sure there is more to the story than four OMs. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing! And exposure will kill an affair...that with rock-solid no contact for life with the OP is the only way a marriage can even hope to be recovered. Even then the WS needs to take extraordinary precations to protect the marriage and boundaries. Some cannot do that.
clv0116 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Someone who is cheating will lie...it's a given. And when confronted without proof...they will still lie. And this sounds like a good place to stay? Wow. For the technical side ... McAfee can detect all of them. It detects rootkits, everything. Whether it's configured to DO SO is another question; by default it will not but keylogger detection can be enabled. If you want it undetectable, wireshark is the way to go. But the relationship is still crap.
Author Anahata Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Maybe I am crazy - I've been told that before :-) We have both done equally hurtful things to each other in the past as poor, selfish, reactive responses to a challenging situation. Sometimes good people make bad decisions and can make amends and grow from their missteps, sometimes people are just bad people that need to be kicked to the curb. We are supposed to be working on fixing things but I feel like I'm seeing familiar tell-tale behaviors again now that I know what to look for. I want to know if I'm just going through a paranoid insecure phase or if my suspicions are correct. I can grasp the argument that if we're working on things I should be able to express my concerns and have them adequately addressed, but OTOH if he's just giving lip service he's not going to say and if it's "just me" then I'd rather just confirm everything is OK without rocking the boat. DNU1 - thanks for the recs, I'm checking them out, esp flexispy
Author Anahata Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 But the relationship is still crap. The relationship definitely has been in the toilet but I want to be able to say I've done all I can to repair it, to make it something better, before giving up on it. The relationship didn't do anything wrong; it was the human beings involved that broke it and I was taught "if you break something, fix it."
clv0116 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Honestly I wish you the best. If you have admin on the PC you can make sure McAfee is not configured to detect "Potentially Unwanted Programs", a category created so that employers and such can deploy keylogger and other spyware to the workforce and still retain malware protection. Wireshark (wireshark.com) can sniff network data and reassemble the data exchanges, and it runs OUTSIDE the PC being sniffed on a second PC.
You'reasian Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Which keyloggers do you recommend? There's so many and I want to be sure I get one that is: Undetectable by McAfeeDoesn't require physical access to view the activity (I can get physical access to get one installed)Isn't sending info to some other 3rd party besides me.I have a suspicion that my husband is cheating on me, he's not going to come clean if I ask directly and I can't stop thinking about needing to know for sure. Thanks What does your husband do for a living?
Author Anahata Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 What does your husband do for a living? I don't think it's relevant - he's not in computers, just potentially computer saavy enough to notice something obvious. @clv0116: Wireshark - I haven't thought about Ethereal in ages! I may give that a go.
DNU1 Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 DNU1 - thanks for the recs, I'm checking them out, esp flexispy Flexispy is GREAT! Knowing what I know now...knowing what my wife put me through...that she was going to keep this double life forever...well, I would have gladly spent thousands on Flexispy! Caution: It takes way more than 10 minutes to get it installed on blackberry. So give yourself 30-45 minutes. And read over all the instructions two or three times before you attempt instaling. Get Flexispy! You will not be disappointed!
dunstable Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Be VERY careful. I read about a husband (or maybe ex husband, don't remember) who was jailed for installing spyware on his wife's computer. Don't do anything that is illegal in your state.
Owl Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 And this sounds like a good place to stay? Wow. For the technical side ... McAfee can detect all of them. It detects rootkits, everything. Whether it's configured to DO SO is another question; by default it will not but keylogger detection can be enabled. If you want it undetectable, wireshark is the way to go. But the relationship is still crap. I would agree with the bolded part...during an affair, a relationship is crap. But...that does NOT mean that it's not recovereable, or that it will always remain crap. On the contrary...getting the truth out in the open is the first step in FIXING the relationship. You're clearly assuming that it CAN'T be fixed. I'm curious...have you ever tried? I have, and was VERY successful, so I'm speaking from personal EXPERIENCE. Good advice on the keylogger info, btw. Just remember...typically you'll have to go into whatever anti-spyware software is on the computer and tell it to ignore whatever keylogger you've installed.
Gamine Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 My husband installed Webwatcher on his computers (desk top and notebook) as a gift to me.
Owl Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 He installed it as a gift to you? How does that work? If he installed it...and he knows how to use it...that means that he also knows how to turn it on and off, potentially edit the logs, etc... If he knows it's there, and can access it...it negates any value of having it on there since he knows how to get around it. Keyloggers only work if the person you're monitoring doesn't know that they're being monitored.
Gamine Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 I have the password and it cannot be taken off the computer without my password... which he doesn't have. He purchased it, installed it. The password controls it. It is a program installed with a disc. I can log on to the keylogger's website and read all activity online through my computer using the login information. This was his way of showing me that he was an open book since his past crap involved online activity plus emails etc... through private email accounts.
Owl Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 That makes sense, but what prevents him from stopping the program via task manager, then rebooting the computer to restart it once he's done doing whatever it is he's doing? Or starting the computer in troubleshooting mode, so that he can pick exactly which programs are loaded during startup...NOT start the keylogger...continue with the bootup, doing what he wants, and then restarting the computer normally afterwards? Not trying to be rude, but pointing out that if someone knows a keylogger is on the computer, there are all kinds of ways around one.
DNU1 Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Gamine: Since you have password and he does not, then yes, it is a gift of transparency from your hubby. And that is good. shows he's not afraid of you looking at what he does. What about other computers? What about his cell phone? GPS his car? Voice recorder in his car? What other snooping / verifying methods are you using? I'm just asking, becasue @ DDay #2, my wife went deeper underground with OM#4. They saw each other daily, so she did not have to call/text/e-mail him. It was only a brief text interaction that tipped me off. If I had not been snooping her cell phone texts I would have never known about OM#4. Waywards have this great ability to take affairs way underground when they are discovered. They will go to extreme measurers to cover their tracks. Be careful...
Gamine Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 It does not appear in the Registry, the Process List, the System Tray, the Task Manager, on the Desktop, or in Add/Remove programs. There aren’t even any visible files on the computer.
sxyNYCcpl Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 I agree with the poster who said the relationship was already toast. I told my first wife once, "If you ever feel the need to send a private investigator after me, just go ahead and divorce me, because either I'm doing what you think I am in which case you'll dump me, or I'm not, but then I'll dump you for sending the PI in the first place." Same theory applies to key loggers, they just didn't exist at the time (or perhaps they did and I was simply unaware).
Gamine Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Gamine: Since you have password and he does not, then yes, it is a gift of transparency from your hubby. And that is good. shows he's not afraid of you looking at what he does. What about other computers? What about his cell phone? GPS his car? Voice recorder in his car? What other snooping / verifying methods are you using? I'm just asking, becasue @ DDay #2, my wife went deeper underground with OM#4. They saw each other daily, so she did not have to call/text/e-mail him. It was only a brief text interaction that tipped me off. If I had not been snooping her cell phone texts I would have never known about OM#4. Waywards have this great ability to take affairs way underground when they are discovered. They will go to extreme measurers to cover their tracks. Be careful... I have access to his phone as well. He has also, voluntarily, started seeing a psychologist to ascertain what is broken inside of him that would have led to doing what he did. Of specific importance is that he sees that there must be something deficient inside of himself... not the marriage per se. Wanting love is healthy. But often times love or the search for love... is not what is really going on internally with a person who is cheating. It may have other root causes which point to a part of them which is broken and needs healing. It isn't healthy to live one''s life in a fragmented state. When one does so, it is indicative of a break in them somewhere. At the very least, there is a deficiency in the personality that deals with coping and managing one's life.
DNU1 Posted May 24, 2009 Posted May 24, 2009 I agree with the poster who said the relationship was already toast. I told my first wife once, "If you ever feel the need to send a private investigator after me, just go ahead and divorce me, because either I'm doing what you think I am in which case you'll dump me, or I'm not, but then I'll dump you for sending the PI in the first place." Same theory applies to key loggers, they just didn't exist at the time (or perhaps they did and I was simply unaware). I disagree that relationship is already toast. Wayward spouses act like crazy people when under the influence of the OP - other person. They get *foggy* and can't think straight. It's almost like an addiction...you get crazy focused on the drug/alcohol, and push everything else out of your life. *If* a wayward can establish no-contact with the OP, then their is hope for recovering a marriage. But often times waywards simply take their affair deeper underground and become cake-eaters -- they have their spouse AND the OP. Snooping or verifying whereabouts is a highly suggested tool for betrayed spouses to make sure NC - no contact, is kept in place. Ther is hope to recover marriage after affair. But the path to recovery is narrow and must be followed closely. Check out Dr. Harley's comments / books at marriagebuilders*dot*com for more details. And keep snooping! Even if your wayward is *making progress* they may still believe they can handle the affair / OP, as mine did. I would have lived a lie for the rest of my life had I not snooped. She would have let me give the marriage 110% effort, all the while keeping the EA/PA/whatever with the OM. Snooping has set me free from a cake-eater, gaslighter, serial cheater, serial liar. Divorce is a damn difficult thing to handle, especially when there are kids involved as we have. But I cannot be married to a liar and a cheat. I cannot trust her...so off to Plan D.
z1850 Posted May 26, 2009 Posted May 26, 2009 Where do you suspect they're doing it? A keylogger may not be much use...direct surveillance is much better.
schewter Posted May 29, 2009 Posted May 29, 2009 Wife had an EA with a guy about a year ago...pretty much all transpired at her workplace on the phone and in her company Email. I am 99% sure that things are indeed over and there is zero contact but the fact that she is still where she was when it happened makes me uneasy. Any suggestions as to how I might be able to have a look into her work day from the outside? She is in sales so there is a sense of security within her company...they have their own IT department and they do indeed monitor incoming Emails. (oddly, not for inappropriate involvements with clients as much as for information piracy) I've even asked a PI about attaining phone records from her office number and it may be doable but I'm also trying to not go too overboard. Worst thing is, I didn't catch what was going on last year...she actually came clean to me before things went physical but that's not to say there weren't signs and had I not been in a fugue state I would have picked up on a couple of oddities and likely made some moves toward learning the truth...her coming clean without me challenging her was actually a better way for things to play out though. Anyway...any suggestions?
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