BCCA Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 1. You are correct. You would not have gotten anywhere you wanted to go by sticking around as her friend. In fact, I'll go further and say that any chance you had would have continued to decline the longer you stayed as just her friend. 2. Yeah, it sucks. It really does. We've all been there, and its unbearable to watch the object of your effections out with other guys, telling you about stuff you dont want to hear, and parading around pics of her and some other guy making out...no thanks. Its hard to lose good friends, but there are many times in life where the best choice is the hardest one. Its like putting down a sick animal, even though its excrutiatingly painful, sometimes its the right thing to do in the end. It wouldnt be fair to you to continue on as friends, and truth be told, you wouldnt have really been a great friend, anyway, because you would always have alterior motives. You wouldnt be able to give her objective advice about guys, because you dont want her to be with anyone else, and you wouldnt ask her about girls because you would want to keep yourself open for her. It would just continue to get worse and worse for you, until one day, you would have to just walk away anyway. Why wait, you saved yourself a lot of pain and suffering. EDIT: and if you havent read this: http://www.laddertheory.com/ READ IT! I think its pretty spot on, at least the part about women having 2 ladders.
Author taylor1 Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 1. You are correct. You would not have gotten anywhere you wanted to go by sticking around as her friend. In fact, I'll go further and say that any chance you had would have continued to decline the longer you stayed as just her friend. 2. Yeah, it sucks. It really does. We've all been there, and its unbearable to watch the object of your effections out with other guys, telling you about stuff you dont want to hear, and parading around pics of her and some other guy making out...no thanks. Its hard to lose good friends, but there are many times in life where the best choice is the hardest one. Its like putting down a sick animal, even though its excrutiatingly painful, sometimes its the right thing to do in the end. It wouldnt be fair to you to continue on as friends, and truth be told, you wouldnt have really been a great friend, anyway, because you would always have alterior motives. You wouldnt be able to give her objective advice about guys, because you dont want her to be with anyone else, and you wouldnt ask her about girls because you would want to keep yourself open for her. It would just continue to get worse and worse for you, until one day, you would have to just walk away anyway. Why wait, you saved yourself a lot of pain and suffering. EDIT: and if you havent read this: http://www.laddertheory.com/ READ IT! I think its pretty spot on, at least the part about women having 2 ladders. Yeah I completely agree with a good amount of it and honestly im gonna use a lot of that for future relationships I know it sounds bad but im still holding a glimmer of hope that this will all workout in the end Another question i have is i tend to run into her a lot because shes in the next town over from me, how should i act towards her?
BCCA Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 Yeah I completely agree with a good amount of it and honestly im gonna use a lot of that for future relationships I know it sounds bad but im still holding a glimmer of hope that this will all workout in the end Another question i have is i tend to run into her a lot because shes in the next town over from me, how should i act towards her? Remember: hope dies last. There is always going to be a glimmer of hope in your mind as long as youre around her, which is another reason you need to get away. Im not telling you she will absolutely never change her mind, afterall, Im not a mind reader. But you know as well as I do that its highly unlikely. Its like putting all your money on the Lions to win the superbowl next year: Yeah, anything is possible, and you could make a killing, but chances are its gonna be money wasted. When you run into her, and some might disagree, this is what I would think to do: 1. If you can bail without her seeing you, do it. Dont make it obvious, as in, if she obviously saw you, then its too late. But if you see her before she sees you, if you can, avoid running into her. 2. Be civil, and friendly, but busy. Hey how are you, nice seeing you, I have to run, take it easy. Dont spend longer than 3 minutes in conversation with her. You always have something to do. 3. Dont get dragged into any follow up calls or texts if you do see her. If she sends some text about how great it was to see you, and she wishes you could hang out soon, and blah blah blah...say it was nice seeing you too, nothing more. 4. Above all, do what feels right for you. And I dont mean 'right' as in the right thing to do if you were dating, I mean the right thing to do to keep you away from a bad situation. If you walk in a bar, and shes there, leave. You get the point.
Author taylor1 Posted May 23, 2009 Author Posted May 23, 2009 Yeah that's what I figured I should do, and I know I can't help but have that glimmer of hope in me (like you said at this point it would be a miracle like the Lions winning the super bowl, then again who actually gave the giants a chance against the patriots in the superbowl) But yeah I have been doing a good job at avoiding her at all costs and if i do run into her im gonna keep it very simple and not give her the time of day unless she wants to discuss a relationship, and i removed her number from my phone so i wont be able to call or text her even if i wanted to
Author taylor1 Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Just wanted to update you guys: Its been tough, i just found out today, ran into her father and one of her friends, that shes already seeing another guy and he's not exactly a nice individual It absolutely crushes me to hear that shes making the same mistake again.............
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 1, 2009 Posted June 1, 2009 You did the right thing. Hanging around to show her the "strength of your friendship" will not turn her head. It just shows that you are weak and unwilling/unable to stand up for yourself. If I were in her shoes, I'd admire you more now for taking care of yourself.
Author taylor1 Posted June 1, 2009 Author Posted June 1, 2009 Yeah I know, I have heard from more than one person that they believe that she will come around as long as I continue to do what I am doing and give her space. I just cant say that, as of now, at least I see it........
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