mr.dream merchant Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 This one is for the fellas. Are you going to get a prenup? I think I am, just to be safe. Better to be safe than sorry. And ladies, how would you feel if your man wanted a Prenup?
Joyvke Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Not sure what a prenup is, but from what I've read some sort of contract before getting married?
yeex Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Hey Joyvke, here is a great explanation of what a prenup is: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=prenup
bean1 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 We are not getting a prenup and I would never marry a man with a prenup. If I'm going to sacrifice my career to stay home and raise his children, clean his house, and have dinner on the table every night, then I will not be left high and dry if he leaves me.
GorillaTheater Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 This one is for the fellas. Are you going to get a prenup? I think I am, just to be safe. Better to be safe than sorry. Why would you? I'm under the impression that she was the one with the money (at least, family money).
carhill Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 A properly prepared and exectued prenup should save between 2 and 5 percent of the typical ~1MM net worth, so between 20 and 50K, in legal fees, over a contested divorce. To me, that's a win-win for both parties. Why pay lawyers a ton at the back end when you can pay a little up front. I learned this the hard way. For people with no assets/businesses/children, a prenup might not be worth the money, but worth investigating anyway. So, while I definitely would like to be married again, it will be conditional on a financial agreement. I want to die broke, but not via divorce
Art_Critic Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I think it is important to know your states divorce laws when making this decision.. there are states that don't provide for such things as premarital property or inheritances. Massachusetts for example is a no fault state or can be both if you wanted a faulted divorce and it also only considers marital property so IMO a prenup wouldn't be necessary unless you are just looking for a reason to start off with a distrust issue from the get go. In Massachusetts, assets and debts acquired during your marriage - called "marital property" - will be divided "equitably" when you divorce. In deciding how to divide the property owned by divorcing couples, judges will consider a number of factors, including: •The length of the marriage •The conduct of the parties during the marriage •The age, health, station, occupation, amount and sources of income, vocational skills, employability, estate, liabilities and needs of each party •The opportunity of the parties to acquire future income and assets •The present and future needs of the children of the marriage •The contribution of each party to the acquisition, preservation or appreciation in value of the marital property •The contribution of each of the parties as a homemaker I'm not really a fan for prenups but then I also can see a need for them in certain cases.. The big thing to remember is that a prenup doesn't get you out of dividing what is rightfully the other person's marital property and it also doesn't get you out of child support.. What is does do is protect your premarital assets and it also protects their premarital assets and inheritances as well. Both sides get protected.. The other thing to remember is that a prenup should be done by an attorney familar with contact law and in many states both parties MUST have their own separate council in order for it to hold up in court.
JeezLouise Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Agree with Bean, if I am going to be married and we decide that I am going to stay home and raise children and be his support in business. Besides, I will likely inherit a sizeable amount from my family, and any husband should also benefit from having to put up with my brother. My lawyer told me, though, that many pre-nups are difficult to hold up in court and most become worthless. It is a crapshoot, and depends on the divorce proceedings and how much the "losing party" wants to fight and how savvy his/her lawyer is. Dream, yeah, with your situation, I think you might be best to NOT get a pre-nup!
SophieA Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I would absolutely sign a prenup. I love him. I am not interested in his money. I'm waaaaaaaaaay too independent to ever want/need to be "taken care of".
prettybaby Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I wouldn't. It puts a sour note on a marriage before it even starts. And I know myself and my partner well enough to know that - should the relationship ever end - we'll both be able to handle it with fairness and class. Otherwise I wouldn't be with them. I've already gone through a divorce that didn't involve a prenup, and things went very smoothly. If you're actually able to imagine your partner sucking you dry, then perhaps you shouldn't marry that person in the first place. I've only been in 2 serious relationships so far (including my current one), and in both cases, I just knew they would never do such thing to me. I'm very honest and generous myself, so they know I would never run with their money either. That being said, I make my own money and know I'm capable of taking care of myself. So I have no need to suck my partner's bank account dry. And who says you have to be a stay at home mom as soon as you get married? If you're already thinking "I'm gonna give up my life to marry you, so I want a solid prenup so I can get some money out of this messed up situation whenever it ends", then I'm sorry to say, but your perception of marriage and happiness is very screwed up. If you don't want to give up on your carreer, then don't. It's going to put a strain on your relationship for sure, which will make a divorce even more likely to happen down the road. I believe that's called "self fulfilling prophecy" (?) It's not the healthiest perspective to be in, that's for sure. As a final note: I'm not against prenups. I think a lot of people don't know themselves well enough, and aren't very good judges of character, and also get married for all the wrong reasons and sometimes just have a screwed up view of what marriage and life is about. So I do think prenups are useful, as they can save those people from themselves when the s*** hits the fan.
2sure Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 You can buy anything you want from an attorney. BUT unless you have major assets, there really is no point and an honest attorney will tell you this. In the event you do have major assets , it would be sounder to incorporate yourself and your assets.
AAlike Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 by my estimation, it's somethin that you need to have. 'cause when she leaves your *ss she's gonna leave with half. hey, I just made that up - kinda catchy, eh?
xpaperxcutx Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Might as well just save on the lawyer fees and not get married. A prenup is for the super rich, and unless you make millions like Michael Douglas, you shouldn't sour a marriage by having your SO sign a piece of paper where you're already telling her you don't trust her.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 This one is for the fellas. Are you going to get a prenup? I think I am, just to be safe. Better to be safe than sorry. And ladies, how would you feel if your man wanted a Prenup? You have to have some assets before a prenup is worth considering.
Trialbyfire Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 We're both signing prenups and no, prenups aren't just for the "super-rich". It's a great way to siphon out the gold-diggers.
kdark Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 by my estimation, it's somethin that you need to have. 'cause when she leaves your *ss she's gonna leave with half. hey, I just made that up - kinda catchy, eh? You should make a song out of it... Call it Gold Digger... "If you ain't no punk, holla 'we want prenup.'"
2sure Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 by my estimation, it's somethin that you need to have. 'cause when she leaves your *ss she's gonna leave with half. Ok - here is what would be considered in the atty's ofc. when you go to have to drawn up. Pretend you were going today: What are your assets? Not your income. Not cars. Saving Accounts - minimum balance of what for how many years. Property you OWN OUTRIGHT. No mortgages. Trust Funds already set up with yourself as sole beneficiary, and the current amount of same. NOT some inheritance you hope to get one day. Most retirement, IRAs, 401, etc are covered under most states marital assets laws/rulings. They dont count. OK - so today, right now. Deduct from your total assets if any - the amount of credit card debt, mortgages, car loans, student loans, etc you have. Unless the bottom line is over 500 Gs, a prenup will only cost you more money.
Star Gazer Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 This one is for the fellas. Are you going to get a prenup? Why is this just for "the fellas"? Many women would stand to benefit from prenups. I wouldn't. It puts a sour note on a marriage before it even starts. And I know myself and my partner well enough to know that - should the relationship ever end - we'll both be able to handle it with fairness and class. Otherwise I wouldn't be with them. If you're actually able to imagine your partner sucking you dry, then perhaps you shouldn't marry that person in the first place. I've only been in 2 serious relationships so far (including my current one), and in both cases, I just knew they would never do such thing to me. I'm very honest and generous myself, so they know I would never run with their money either. That being said, I make my own money and know I'm capable of taking care of myself. So I have no need to suck my partner's bank account dry. And who says you have to be a stay at home mom as soon as you get married? If you're already thinking "I'm gonna give up my life to marry you, so I want a solid prenup so I can get some money out of this messed up situation whenever it ends", then I'm sorry to say, but your perception of marriage and happiness is very screwed up. If you don't want to give up on your carreer, then don't. It's going to put a strain on your relationship for sure, which will make a divorce even more likely to happen down the road. I believe that's called "self fulfilling prophecy" (?) It's not the healthiest perspective to be in, that's for sure. As a final note: I'm not against prenups. I think a lot of people don't know themselves well enough, and aren't very good judges of character, and also get married for all the wrong reasons and sometimes just have a screwed up view of what marriage and life is about. So I do think prenups are useful, as they can save those people from themselves when the s*** hits the fan. I couldn't agree more. I will never sign a prenup. In the event you do have major assets , it would be sounder to incorporate yourself and your assets. If you enter the marriage with assets, your spouse can't get to them anyway. They're only entitled to half of the increased value in those assets. Also, I could be wrong, but I really don't think incorporating yourself shields you in family law cases. Spouses cannot hide assets/protect themselves in that way. by my estimation, it's somethin that you need to have. 'cause when she leaves your *ss she's gonna leave with half. Half of what? HER MONEY? It's very likely...
Art_Critic Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 by my estimation, it's somethin that you need to have. 'cause when she leaves your *ss she's gonna leave with half. hey, I just made that up - kinda catchy, eh? I take it you've never been married ?... in most cases she leaves with her half and you leave with your half. You should make a song out of it... Call it Gold Digger... "If you ain't no punk, holla 'we want prenup.'" So a woman that marries a man is a gold digger ?.. what is he ? Also, I could be wrong, but I really don't think incorporating yourself shields you in family law cases. Spouses cannot hide assets/protect themselves in that way. That's true.. a corporation while it may not be able to be divided would still have marital worth and as that you would have to pay your wife for the marital worth if you wanted to keep the whole corporation.. If the stock value has gone up thru the marriage then half is the spouses.. This is where a prenup can help a person... they may want to protect a company they own or stock in a family business for example..although in most cases they still have to compensate with for the marital value half with something in the prenup..
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I wouldn't. It puts a sour note on a marriage before it even starts. And I know myself and my partner well enough to know that - should the relationship ever end - we'll both be able to handle it with fairness and class. Otherwise I wouldn't be with them. If you're actually able to imagine your partner sucking you dry, then perhaps you shouldn't marry that person in the first place. I've only been in 2 serious relationships so far (including my current one), and in both cases, I just knew they would never do such thing to me. I'm very honest and generous myself, so they know I would never run with their money either. I believe that in marriage just as in life... people change. I don't think it would be starting the marriage off on a sour note... more towards the opposite. That is because it allays fears and creates trust. However, I have to say that in 99% of your posts I completely agree with you... so I have a very healthy respect for what your saying. You can buy anything you want from an attorney. BUT unless you have major assets, there really is no point and an honest attorney will tell you this. In the event you do have major assets , it would be sounder to incorporate yourself and your assets. If you have 5 million and your STBXW of 3 months wants half... you still have 2.5 million. If you have 40,000 in the bank and your STBXW of 3 months wants half you just lost a lot. When I talk to my friends about this stuff... I just tell them that they CAN'T trust the legal system. It hasn't changed since 1910, it barely realizes that most women have careers... It's so stacked against men that you have to do everything in your power to protect yourself. Might as well just save on the lawyer fees and not get married. A prenup is for the super rich, and unless you make millions like Michael Douglas, you shouldn't sour a marriage by having your SO sign a piece of paper where you're already telling her you don't trust her. If you have a comic book collection... and you want to keep it, you should get a prenup. Yes you have to have assets, but the standard is not insanely high.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I take it you've never been married ?... in most cases she leaves with her half and you leave with your half. I would say that isn't really true. I've seen some guys lose nearly everything. It's usually the ones that don't want a divorce and don't put up much of a fight.
AAlike Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 You should make a song out of it... Call it Gold Digger... "If you ain't no punk, holla 'we want prenup.'" glad someone got it. to others: it was a not-so-clever reference to a Kanye West song (one that I will rock at the karaoke bar to much viewer satisfaction I might add). in all seriousness on the subject...although I see why people are saying "if you think you need this don't get married" - I would tend to fall on the C.Y.A. side of the fence, myself, the side that says "if you WON'T sign this then are you really suited to commit?" my boss for instance built himself a multi-million dollar business - the very demanding nature of which was pretty much the stake through his marriage's heart, and she opposed it the whole way, at least until it was over-the-top successful. he basically did so in spite of his wife - seems kind of odd that now he needs to be splitting this with her, and I shudder to think what she will do with her absurd portion of the divorce settlement. and please, this is CERTAINLY not a gender-specific thing (the song maybe was lol).
Art_Critic Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I would say that isn't really true. I've seen some guys lose nearly everything. It's usually the ones that don't want a divorce and don't put up much of a fight. I never said all.. I said most..and from my experience most is a correct statement. If a guy loses everything as you say then it there has to be a reason or you aren't hearing all the story.. for example.. In my state it is a no-fault divorce equitable distribution state. equitable meaning fair not 50/50.. generally divorces in my state fall along the 50/50 line becuaee in most cases that is fair. Now.. if you want a faulted divorce you can prove any of the faults we have here that if that happens the only outcome is the 50/50 lines moves around... maybe to say 60/40.. Actions almost always have consequences.. even in no fault states, if your spouse that you are divorcing isn't going to let the other off the hook.. maybe for something like cheating..
clv0116 Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 We are not getting a prenup and I would never marry a man with a prenup. If I'm going to sacrifice my career to stay home and raise his children, clean his house, and have dinner on the table every night, then I will not be left high and dry if he leaves me. You realize that the prenup can reflect any sort of fair and equitable agreement right? I wouldn't. It puts a sour note on a marriage before it even starts. Anyone who thinks a prenup "puts a sour note on the marriage" is already contemplating his or her escape plans. THAT is the real sour note. We're both signing prenups and no, prenups aren't just for the "super-rich". It's a great way to siphon out the gold-diggers. I think suggesting a prenup is a very romantic thing. It says "this relationship isn't about money" in a clear and unequivocal way. For those who think preexisting assets are automatically safe, check carefully, it varies wildly by State and personal circumstances.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I never said all.. I said most..and from my experience most is a correct statement. If a guy loses everything as you say then it there has to be a reason or you aren't hearing all the story.. for example.. In my state it is a no-fault divorce equitable distribution state. equitable meaning fair not 50/50.. generally divorces in my state fall along the 50/50 line becuaee in most cases that is fair. Now.. if you want a faulted divorce you can prove any of the faults we have here that if that happens the only outcome is the 50/50 lines moves around... maybe to say 60/40.. Actions almost always have consequences.. even in no fault states, if your spouse that you are divorcing isn't going to let the other off the hook.. maybe for something like cheating.. Yes, I think your right. I think most of the bitching I've heard from other men centers around child support more than anything. More to the point that the money they provide in support doesn't go to the child... but that is a whole separate issue.
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