Nikki Sahagin Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Clever move, before my ex broke up with me, I took most of my things; jewellery/clothes etc. However I am pretty sure there are some more clothes/jewellery and there are also a few video games and movies. I want these things back but I don't want to have to contact my ex for them....I REALLY don't. I don't want to just not get my things back though. I'm not sure whether to ask a friend to get it for me, but I don't want to come across as so pathetic that I can't even ask him. Maybe I should wait for him to contact me and then ask for the stuff. But I REALLY don't want to talk to him at all.
WhyYesThankYou Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Hmmmmm..... I'm not an expert in these things, but I guess the first thing is to weigh up: how much you want your things back (based on their monetary value, sentimental value, and whether it'd be better to just abandon them and buy new things to avoid contact with your ex) compared withhow much value you place in maintaining NC with your ex, how mature/respectful you think he'd be if you contact him, and what are the risks to your emotional wellbeing if you have contact with him. If after that you decide that it's worth risking contact with him to get your stuff back, then maybe a short email or a letter mailed to him, saying something like, "Hello _____, I think I've left some things at your place - a couple of tops, my shoes, and a few DVDs. I'd really appreciate it if you would send them back to me. Thank you very much. All the best." If you do this by email, you could say you'll reimburse him for the postage, or if you send him a letter, you could include $20 or something for postage and his time (and explain). Again, not my area of expertise, but this is my best guess at a response that would get your stuff back, not involve seeing each other, and hopefully keep drama to a minimum. I guess if you want to get your stuff back, better to go about it sooner rather than later. The longer you wait, the more it looks like you didn't really want your stuff so much as you wanted an excuse to contact him.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Ahhh it just feels like loads of games I do really want my things but I just don't want to see him. He only lives a few roads away so it wouldn't be suitable to post them. I also don't want him to think i'm using it as an excuse to talk - I just didn't think or worry about my things at first because I was so focused on not seeing or talking to him and I had my exams and was more focused on that.
WhyYesThankYou Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 In that case, just consider them lost property. Things are merely things. Accept losing them as the fee incurred in making a clean break from him. And try not to leave so much stuff around at the next guy's place.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 That's why I was so p*****, because I took so much stuff back only the day before, but because he broke up with me by email I couldn't physically take anything back and it wasn't on my mind at first. I'll weight up how much I value the things over NC....but I don't want him with things that cost money, free of charge....grrrr
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Right i've sent the email, just asked if he could check for any of my things and my mum will pick them up from him when he's free. God even that sent my heart racing a mile a minute
RogueAC Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Hey Nikki -- what about asking a friend to get the stuff for you? That way you don't have to break NC and you can stop obsessing about your stuff. Just saw your last post! Good for making a decision. Now you can put him behind you and move forward to heal. Hugs.
confusedcookie Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 hey, i'm in a similar situation too... - his stuff i have, not planning to return unless he asks for... - my stuff, good thing i only have a pair of runners there, blah, not enough value to break NC - owing me money, i really want it back, so i went to find his friend so he can be the messenger for me - or you can get your friend to find him to get your stuff back
Chinook Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 There is one book at my ex's place. It's just a book. But, it's a book that was given to me as a Christmas gift from someone special to me. So, it's really not just a book. But that said, I can't bring myself to go get it. My ex is too lazy to post it, even though I asked for it some time ago. What to do..? Unfortunately, I've chosen to let it go. My ex knows it's value and he knows who gave it to me - so for him, it seems he has some sick need to own my stuff that was given by someone else. For me, I cannot bring myself to talk to him again - so the book is gone. I wouldn't mind, I hadn't even finished it.
trueblue72ny Posted May 22, 2009 Posted May 22, 2009 why not send your friend to collect your personal belongings than you dont have to break no contact.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 Hey guys. Well he has read the email, but not replied. So should I leave it a couple of days, or should I email back. God this is what happens when you try to 'reach out' to them.
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