tigerstripes Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I was dating someone for a year and a half but we broke up a few days ago. It was amicable and we decided to stay friends. In the meantime, something that I sent him in the mail came back to me saying that there was no such address on an official post office label. I had never been to his house because I live alone and he doesn't. I'd never met any of his friends because he doesn't have a lot of time outside of work. Or so he says. I tried to ask him about it but he wouldn't answer my calls, he sent me a text that he would call me last night and I never heard from him. I thought I knew him really well and he always seemed like a private person but not a liar. I'm really freaked out now that EVERYTHING he told me about himself was a lie. Am I being paranoid or am I finally being sane?
Ronni_W Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I'm really freaked out now that EVERYTHING he told me about himself was a lie. Probably not EVERYTHING. But there seems to have been a few 'red flags' that SOME things were definitely amiss. His lies and deception are HIS dysfunctional stuff -- sometimes we end up personalizing it, making it about us, and feeling really crappy about who we are. Then WE end up with trust issues, and start to hide our true Self from the next person. Hopefully that won't happen to you. Sending hugs and healing.
Author tigerstripes Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 So what do I do? Do I just go around wondering what was true and what was a lie for the rest of my life?
Ronni_W Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Well. It's still brand-new fresh, so my guess is it would be kinda 'normal' to be wondering about it for...I really don't know...for some period of time. To me, that would be a 'normal' thing for the psyche to do. In that situation, my long-term goal for myself would be to eventually just stop wondering about it. I might even make conscious decisions about what I choose to end up believing (all the stuff that would leave ME feeling better about myself) -- who is gonna be there to contradict me? But my short-term probably would be more along the lines of confusion, frustration, anger (at him and myself), etc. I'd work like hell to not let things stay that way "for the rest of my life" though -- he does NOT have or deserve to have that kind of power. Short-term, it does suck. If he did lie to and deceive you, he is a jerk-ass-creep. You did NOT deserve that!
Author tigerstripes Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 I spoke to him. I went all psycho which is not my personality at all. He swears he just lied to me about where he lived and where he worked. But with this information, in hindsight, a lot of things don't make sense. I mean how do you recover from lies and betrayal of dating someone for a year and a half when you don't even know who they were?
Author tigerstripes Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 I'm not sure of anything. But I think I'm going to stop posting out of fear for my safety. Thank you all for your advice.
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