Lost_love Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 So here is a story that has it all, backstabbing, lying, cops, you name it. It all started 6 years ago, boy meets girl next door. Boy and girl go out a few times and before they know it things become serious. Serious to the point that they have a child together. While all of this was happening the boy didn't know that his bestfriend (me) was secretly wishing they would break up. The very first time I saw this girl I knew there was a spark, I felt it and she did too. But she was taken and at that point engaged to my friend and about to have his baby. I did what I thought was best and kept my distance. I did not want to be the reason they broke up. So I stayed away for a while. Then their daughter was born and they both wanted me around to see her. At this point neither one of them knew about the feelings I was having. I still kept my distance for a couple months. Then I get a call from the guy, Jay and he tells me that he and Erin broke up and were going through custody battle over their daughter. I knew this whole time that my friend was not a good person, very low morals and hangs out with the wrong crowd. I really thought him having a daughter would change him. It didn't. Not wanting to get involved with any of their drama I stayed away. Really it was against my better judgment because I didn't think erin would speak to me. Anyway their drama went on for months and I didn't speak to either of them. Roughly 6-7 months went by and prior to that I had told Jay that I was done with him as a friend. He just wasnt someone I wanted in my life anymore. Then thanks to Myspace, I found Erin. I sent her a message out of the blue asking how she and the baby were. She waited a bit and then responded. We messaged through there for a couple weeks then we exchanged numbers. Things progressed kinda fast at this point, we started talking everyday, for 5-6 hours a day. She had some really bad home life issues, since at this point she was stuck living at her parents house. She really needed a friend and I could tell. I put myself out there for her and we bonded right away. While we were talking and going out every night she was still seeing someone else. We were still just friends and at that point I didn't realize what was going to come. We had hung out over new years and the super bowl at which point she told me that she had been slept with the guy she had been seeing but that she broke things off with him. When she told me this I was hurt and thats when I knew that my feelings were more then just simply liking her. I didn't care who she had slept with because I loved her. I waited a few days and then I told her how I felt. It happen to fall on feb 13 that I told her and she told me that she didn't feel the same way. She cried to me on the phone and said she wished she did feel the same. I asked her for some time away so I could get past my feelings so that I could be her friend. She ended up calling me the very next morning and like a dip in love I picked up. Sure enough we went out to dinner for valentines day. We didn't stop there, we went out on her birthday which was 2 weeks later. We didn't stop hanging out. The whole time I was still in love with her and would let her know that every now and again. She then got into a dispute with her parents which had her mom lock her in her room with her daughter. Erin called me crying that she was trapped and not able to get out. I called the cops and drove right over to her parents house to get her out. This is where things get rough, at this point I was still living with my parents and we had an extra room. I arranged for Erin and her daughter to move in with me at my parents. Bad idea but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. This made things hard on my family and made things confusing for me and Erin. Every night she would come in my room and we would lay in my bed and watch tv or a movie. We would fall asleep and once in a while cuddle. It was nice but very confusing. Every night I would give her and her daughter a kiss good night. Just on the cheek, I always tried to be respectful.Then one night I gave Erin and real kiss which she kissed back. She had told me she loved me but that she was not in the right state for something serious. Nothing ever came of it and life went on. We eventually moved into our own apartment which was a 2 bedroom, she and her daughter would share a room. The apartment life did not go the way I would have hoped. She said I smothered her once we moved in there and looking back I think I did too. We would fight a lot when we were living there. Everytime we fought it was about the same thing, us not being together and me smothering her. This went on for most of the first year we lived in the apt. I would get jelous of the guys I knew she was dating that she would never admit to. Then I did the unthinkable and got into her email account. I was able to see the people she was talking to. It was one the crappiest things I had done. Invading her privacy sucked but I was in such a bad place that I had to know. The things I would find out at times would upset me. Especially when she would talk crap about me to some guy that she didn't hardly know. Then things seemed to be changing a little, I had helped her get her daughter for the majority of the month each month and her ex had moved out of state. He wasn't able to see her and I together it made him nuts. This helped as Erin and I started spending more time together and then she had finally decided that she wanted to get her boobs done. For some reason she had been obsessed with this from the time she was 14. She didnt have anything big but it never bothered me. I loved the person I knew not the person on the outside. But knowing that it was important to her I co-signed a loan with her to be able to get the money. Which went fine, she got the surgery and we fooled around a little shortly after. She was always afraid that if we went to far and things didnt work out that we wouldnt be able to be friends again. So we didn't go all the way but came close. Then the crappy thing happened and she saw the history on my computer and saw that I had looked in her email. I lost all the trust I had tried so hard to build. That single event, one stupid mistake, crippled everything. We had our issues before but this was the worst in her mind. We went about a month without speaking. She pretty much hated me and let me know it. Finally around xmas and my birthday which is the 28th of dec we started talking and being somewhat of friends again. By this point we were well into our second year at the apt. nearing the end of the lease at which time I had it set in my head that I wanted us to go our seperate ways. Then I get a call from my parents who at this point were living in arizona and renting their california house out to some deadbeats. The evicted those people and asked if we wanted to move in and rent it. Erin thought the idea was hers since she had asked me about it a few days prior. I didn't know what to do so I told my parents yes and Erin, me and her daughter moved into the house. All seemed okay at first, we were getting along and hanging out like the old days. Buying stuff for the house and having fun being around eachother. Then she started dating a guy she was working with and I wasnt able to handle it so I had pretty much blown up at her and yelled telling her I wanted her to move out. We talked about things a week or two later and were able to work things out and remain friends. This went on for the next few months and then things started to seem normal again. She had lost some of the custody back to her ex who had moved back to the state and lived in the same city as us. This allowed her more time to herself which was good and bad. She began going out all the time, getting drunk and coming home at all hours of the night. I never knew what she was doing or who she was with. Then it all stopped again. Until 2 months ago, she started going out and staying out all night, sometimes not even coming home. I pretty much ignored it and pretended it wasnt happening. I was pretty convinced that my feelings for her had gone away. Then a couple weeks ago I started thinking about things and realized that my feelings for her were still there. I began obsessing over where she was going and who she was with. I never told her anything but I kept wondering. Then last week I asked her, I told her that I wanted us to be friends the way we were and I wanted her to tell me anything. She told me that she was seeing some guy and thats where she had been all those nights. This pretty much destroyed me. The more we talked the more she told me and I guess I never knew she was so willing to sleep with so many guys that she didn't really care for. Not a huge amount of people but enough for me to look at her a little different. I tried to do the right thing and tell her that I don't have the same feelings for her that I once did but that was a complete lie. Everytime I see her, everytime I hear her voice, I am haunted by my past actions and what could have been. This guy she is dating she has openly said he has no chance and he is insanely jealous of me. She tells me he is insecure and he comes from a really bad family backround. Drug addict mother, sister with 4 kids with 4 different guys and she is also a white supremacist. I know the guy can't be judged by these things but I also feel like he might have some issues that he isnt telling her. She is constantly lying to him about when she hangs out with me and then she tells me she really kinda likes him. I just don't get it. I have provided so much for her and I know I have made mistakes but I am only human. So now I deal with her going out know that she is going to go be with him by getting angery and in front of her pretending like everything is okay. I am living at the gym now, going pretty much 5 days a week just so I can get out my aggression. I feel like crap and can't eat and the only thing anyone can tell me to do is have her move out. Which would completely turn her life upside down and possibly cost her time with her daughter. I don't know what to do anymore.... all I seem to do is sacifice myself for her and her daughters happiness.
DJMarky Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Dude, you are on the friend ladder, and she is your intellectual pimp, meaning you are at the moment an intellectual whore. Get rid of her now bro. Please read, http://www.laddertheory.com/ I will never be an intellectual whore. Not saying I don't have female friends, but I wouldn't hang out with any of them one on one. They are more acquaintances that I see at parties etc. If I like a girl, I am pretty upfront about it, flirting etc, and have a good track record of pretty much dating every girl I have been slightly interested in, on the chance that it goes downhill and it becomes more like friends, I cut all contact. To be honest, i'd rather have male friends, not female. So basically, you are doing too much for this girl and you keep thinking, if you are constantly there things will progress, but they never will! She is telling you all her emotions, then going off and ****ing outlaw bikers. You are high on the friend ladder, you are trying to jump to the 'i would ****' ladder, and it won't happen. You have feelings for this girl that are not reciprocated, the only way to get over it is to tell her to move out. Stop wasting your time on a girl that isn't going to be anything more than a friend, that effort could be used elsewhere, like another girl! Read that link bro and good luck.
Author Lost_love Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 I know you're right that I am stuck in the friend ladder and that the only thing I can do is ask her to leave. But it kills me inside facing that reality, she is someone I truly love. It was never about just sleeping with her, I always felt as though it were something much deeper then that. I still to this day think that she has some feelings for me but that she is to scared to act on them. She has had a lot of betrayals in her past with guys and even with me and I know she is very protective of her feelings. Its so frustrating knowing someone so well and still not being able to be there in the way they need. I hate that I have put myself through all of this and as much as people tell me what I should do I still follow the same path that leads to the same place it has always led. More pain more suffering and all I do is let it happen. What the hell is wrong with me?
Author Lost_love Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 So I think I am going to try NC for a while and see if that helps things any. In the house we live in I am on the bottom floor and she and her daughter are on the second floor. She finally said the one thing that she had avoided saying this entire time and that was that there would never be anything between us more then friendship. It damn near killed me inside when she said that. I pretty much lost it and luckly this was through txt so she didnt have to see me lose it the way I did. I punched a wall, screamed as loud as I could. I vented to a friend for a little bit then I went back to work and I actually felt a little better. It hurts like hell still because here we are a 1 am and of course she is with him. So I am turning to NC, I cant think of anything else to do. Any other advice from anyone?
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