Trialbyfire Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 There's no need for an ultimatum. Why not just have the exclusivity discussion with him? If he refuses, you never had exclusivity with him, which intellectually you knew, but didn't accept emotionally due to hope. It's a no-lose situation since you can't lose what you never had. Fear of loss has to be faced, one way or the other. The longer you wait, the worse it will get. xpaperxcutx, you're just bonding more and more to someone, who isn't relationship bent.
kizik Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 a lot of people have taken the time to try and help you out, and then you completely ignore them, yet continue to complain. I can always count on BCCA to speak the truth.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Guys, I read everything that was written, and I feel sick. Not at your posts, but at the awful truth spilling out before my eyes. I'm so scared of rejection, my entire dating experience from the time I first started dating til now had been nothing but rejection. It's hard to go up to someone without freaking out and expecting a good answer. I had that happen 4 times in the past. BCCA, thank you for the post. I had to reread it again to really absorb what you've written. Trust me when I say I've seen enough therapist to know they've given up on me, and I can't afford to see a professional right now because I don't have insurance. The main issues they tackled was my self esteem. They know it and I know it and you all know that I try to seek validation from guys. That's because I can't see for myself my own self worth. If I look in the mirror and tell myself, Paper, you're a great person, its hard to believe that because I don't even mean it. I do have a date tonight. I choose to go out because I feel trapped. I know it's sounds so selfish and childish of me to do these sort of things, but right now I just have to muster up enough courage to get through the night. I am seeing artist guy tonight after the date. I guess that would be the right time to just ask him? I have to scrounge up enough money for a cab if he slams his door in my face. I'll guess I'll call my friend to take me in for the night. Wish me luck I guess.
kizik Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I am seeing artist guy tonight after the date. ..........................................................
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 .......................................................... I know kizik. But I'll be in the city so might as well just make the trip to see him rather than talk to him on the phone right? Eh. you can curse me out or whatever. I'm not in the mood to argue.
Star Gazer Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Another thing, what's with your avatar? Anyone have any insight about this?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Anyone have any insight about this? Sorry SG I am too tired to quote anyone. What do you mean what's with my avatar?
Star Gazer Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Why do you have a picture of yourself looking like.... that? I dunno... it just seems... again, like you're fishing. I just don't know what for. You've posted "Sexy Paper" avatars before, and now it's this woah-is-me version. I'm not trying to be mean, I just don't understand where this constant need for attention comes from. You're only 19 - so young, the world is your oyster. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go after something, or someone, that is WORTHY. You know, you KNOW, that he isn't. No ultimatum should be necessary. Just move on.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Why do you have a picture of yourself looking like.... that? I dunno... it just seems... again, like you're fishing. I just don't know what for. You've posted "Sexy Paper" avatars before, and now it's this woah-is-me version. I'm not trying to be mean, I just don't understand where this constant need for attention comes from. You're only 19 - so young, the world is your oyster. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go after something, or someone, that is WORTHY. You know, you KNOW, that he isn't. No ultimatum should be necessary. Just move on. I don't mean to purposely attract attention? I don't know that was the only nice pic I have. What exactly do you mean by " fishing"? Sorry I don't know, I'll change it I guess.
BCCA Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 PC, youre stuck in a vicious cycle. Unless you alone can stop it, it will just keep repeating. I would tell artist guy to meet you at a bar down the street, or coffee shop, and then talk. You know full well whats going to happen when you go to his house: youre going to give in and have sex with the guy in hopes he'll be accepting of you for at least the rest of the night. The problem is, by doing this, youre only further eroding your self esteem. You want something that he cant give you, just accept it and move on. Trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the very definition of insanity. I dont think youre crazy at all, I just think youre in a rut, and its easier to go along with it than it is to break the cycle. Tell artist guy you want to talk to him, can he meet you somewhere not at his house. If he says no, you have your answer. I'm just affraid that when you get to his house (if you follow through with your plan), you wont be able to muster up the courage, and it will just end up being another night of meaningless sex for him, and youll feel even more empty the next day. We are all responsible for our own happiness. If youre not happy, you need to make changes. You cant expect life to change around you. I really do wish you the best.
Star Gazer Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 I don't mean to purposely attract attention? I don't know that was the only nice pic I have. Maybe it's because it's small, but you looked depressed, distraught, and stoned in that recent picture. What exactly do you mean by " fishing"? I meant fishing in the same way Alektra did: for validation. Some people posts their breasts to validate their worth based on their "assets." You post yourself, in whatever mood you want others to validate you in. Either way, they seem to be designed to draw attention. Sorry I don't know, I'll change it I guess. Don't change it on my account! I was simply asking a rhetorical question...
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 21, 2009 Author Posted May 21, 2009 Maybe it's because it's small, but you looked depressed, distraught, and stoned in that recent picture. I meant fishing in the same way Alektra did: for validation. Some people posts their breasts to validate their worth based on their "assets." You post yourself, in whatever mood you want others to validate you in. Either way, they seem to be designed to draw attention. Don't change it on my account! I was simply asking a rhetorical question... I remember I took that picture late at night when I had gotten home at 3 in the morning. I had wanted to take a picture before I took my makeup off. ( does that make me vain?) When you asked me about my need for attention, I thought about it for a bit and I think it has something to do with my past eating disorder. I was such a loner back then, my parents neglected me. I used my disorder as an excuse for them to notice. Unfortunately it didn't work, they just hospitalized me. I have a tendency to try to please everyone. It's only recently that I learned to let go a bit and not give a ****.
Cora Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Paper, you are a beautiful person! I know what it's like to have self esteem issues. I'm constantly telling myself I'm not good enough so why the hell would anyone else think I am? You don't need artist guy. You deserve to find someone who can love you for you not just because they love having sex with you. Unless that is what you want? I know you want more...I believe you want more. I'm a hypocrite I know. I need to start taking my own advice.
Kamille Posted May 21, 2009 Posted May 21, 2009 Soul, I'm making him my option as well. I don't contact him unless I'm bored and want to hang out. I really have no expectations from him except maybe a night out on the town and sex. Does that make him my booty call? Boredom is not an excuse! But I wonder what this "boredom" is all about: do you feel like your life would be boring without the drama that is Artist guy in your life? Sounds like you're addicted to drama PC, and this might explain why your dating life involves so much rejection. Face it: no man worth your while will put up with much drama. Men cannot make you feel better about yourself, and can't make you feel like your life is interesting. No more calling artist guy cause you're bored. Next time you're bored, paint something, or take a bath, or read a book... Do something that will keep your mind occupy - or better yet, something that will make your life thrilling all on its own, without the validation of some guy. It's not that time. I have come to accept that I'm a booty call. I honestly have ( despite some people who are skeptical about my feelings). Please allow me to join the ranks of the skeptics. I think you are selling yourself short, and, as others have mentioned, dangerously toying with your self-esteem. I'm so scared of rejection, my entire dating experience from the time I first started dating til now had been nothing but rejection. It's hard to go up to someone without freaking out and expecting a good answer. I had that happen 4 times in the past. Paper, I think the reason you keep getting confronted to rejection is because you don't know how to establish the "right" kind of vibe from the get-go, while dating a guy. You need to learn to set your standards high and then WALK away when they aren't being met. They know it and I know it and you all know that I try to seek validation from guys. That's because I can't see for myself my own self worth. If I look in the mirror and tell myself, Paper, you're a great person, its hard to believe that because I don't even mean it. I do have a date tonight. Yep, major contradiction here, you admit the problem is that you seek validation from guys, yet you keep dating guys in the hopes it will make you feel better: stop dating just to fill a void! There are plenty of other things you can do that will help you feel good about yourself: you can join a drama club, go hang out with friends, etc. Please consider taking a break from dating.
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